moving on?!

[neathgirl]

bit of a long story but about 6/7 months ago i split up with my ex gf. everything was going great but then she decided that basically she was straight and that was the end of that. She said i ticked every one of her boxes apart from me being female. Im still finding it difficult moving on and getting over her and all honesty i knew it would be difficult to get over her but i never imagined it would be this difficult. im still in love with her, completely and totally, and every day no matter how hard i try not to - i end up thinking about her. She wont speak to me anymore and has totally blanked me out of her life. I appreciate where she is coming from but i do honestly think that the primary reason she has blanked me out is cos she cant deal with herself having these feelings for me, especially as im a woman. do you think i should just let her be or still try and maintain contact just the occasional friendly email? although when i have emailed her in the past she has ignored it. I know in an ideal world i should just forget about her but just supposing it was meant to be? i havent met anyone like her since and i know u shouldnt compare but i just cant get over her what we had was extremely special and precious. We connected with each other so well and had so much in common. Everything just felt so right. Do you think there may be a chance in the future that things would work out? or am i just wishing too hard? Things have got so bad lately that i have decided to go to a counsellor to try and get over her. is this a good idea or not? i just feel that everything in my life such as work leisure etc is being affected by my feelings for her. I know this sounds pathetic and i am trying very very hard not to let my life be affected by her but no matter how hard im trying she is still there in my mind. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance xxx

[kags]

I don't know enough to be able to say whether this is your ex girlfriend struggling with coming to terms with her sexuality, or whether she genuinely is straight and has made a difficult decision to end your relationship. Either way, she has made that decision and there, sadly, is nothing you can do to change it. You are broken-hearted, this does not sound at all pathetic, it is normal. It can take months, years to get over a relationship, and if you feel that counselling is what you need, then go for it. I am not suggesting you forget her, you will never do that but with the passing of time you will come to terms with the ending of the relationship, and come to see that you are a special person who deserves to be with someone who loves you for exactly who you are. Try to think logically - if she really is straight then there cannot be a future in the relationship, if she is just in denial about her sexuality then do you really want a relationship with someone who doesn't really know what they want or who they are? This is very easy to say, but difficult to do when you feel bereft - take time to grieve for the end of the relationship, when you have grieved you will be ready to move on. Good luck.

[jno]

kags is right. You can't do anything to set things right because you haven't done anything wrong. It's your gf who's changed, and only she can change again. Normally it's a good idea not to burn bridges, to stay in touch in a no-strings kind of way; but it does seem as though she's set against any contact at all (pretty extreme on her part, but sexuality is a powerful thing). So it really doesn't seem there's much for you to do. So sorry, I know how it hurts; but as kags says, it's normal.

[Englishbird]

hi, sorry you're hurting so much, it really is horrible, and my heart goes out to you.  I can't really add much to the two very good answers above.  When i split up with my bf, the best thing i did was not see him.  Not speak to him, not speak about him, no contact at all for a few months.  You need that space, for your own sake.  If you are supposed to be friends with her at some point in the future, then fate may take that path.  But for now look after yourself, and i'd always recommend counciling to anyone who just needs a helping hand to get back on the right track.  Good luck x

[foreverlove]

Everything's going to be okay.  Your pain will pass and you'll be ready for love again.  Take the time you need to heal and you'll be fine.  The advice you've been given so far has been good advice.  They're absolutely right. You'll see.  Take Care.

Peace & Love,

Foreverlove :)

[goldfish1]

Hi neathgirl, would agree with englishbird about not having any contact - at least for some time. I've always found that's the best way. It's unusual for someone to decide they're straight when they've been in a gay relationship - it'd usually be the other way around, ie someone living the straight life and then coming out. Glad you're going for counselling - hope this is beneficial. Do you have any other friends that you could talk to? Perhaps you could start socialising in the company of some other gay friends - who knows what this might lead to!

Take care and keep in touch.