I love mis-hearing things....

[Bbbananas]

Have just referred a patient who the doctor described as having (what I though he said) "a turd up the way of his shaft....."

I choked on my afternoon muffin. Was this man gay? Does he not wash? Why come to the doctors?

(Doc actually said - he had an injury a third of the way up his shaft (of his ankle). He's Irish.
Oh, how I laughed.

[sandyRoe]

Then there's the famous Sinatra song: Egrets, I've had a few. What's that about, then?

[missnemesis]

Trust you salla lol

[CAJ1]

On boxing day we were discussing Christmas Day TV and I had said to my granny we watched the Royal Family, to which she replied "I missed the Queen's speech", I could stop laughing for ages!

[steg]

♫♪ i've got a washing machine ♪♫

[hc4361]

CAJ, it's The Royle Family, unless you do mean the queen and her lot.

[McMouse]

Place names were being prepared for a Navy dinner. A guest from the Irish Republic was listed as Third Officer broccoli. Believing it to be a mis-print the Mess Steward printed Second Officer White instead. When the guests arrived and took their places the Irishman called the Steward over and said "You've made a mistake, my names broccoli not White and I'm not a Second I'm a Turd".

[McMouse]

^^^^^^^^^completely meaningless as the swear filter has kicked in.

[McMouse]

For brocolli read Sh1te

[lardhelmet]

There's a line in Preeya Whatsit's song Shimmy which sounds like "Watch me while I'm taking the leak" - think it's meant to be lead.

[mrs_overall]

In June I was sunbathing and as always, got a coldsore on my lip. I had a little moan about it to Mr O.
Later that day, youngest Junior Overall was overheard asking middle Junior Overall

"Why does mum put coleslaw on her lips when she is sunbathing"

[Brinjal]

Donuts make your brown eyes blue!

[crisgal]

altogether:

you're more than a number in my limerick book!"

[mike11111]

Many, many years ago when I was a child we lived in a flat above a greengrocer's. Whenever I heard Doris Day singing Que sera, sera I was convinced that one line went, 'The fruit shop's not ours to see'.

[boxtops]

Oldie but Goodie - Desmond Dekker - Me ears are alight

[lardhelmet]

"Excuse me while I kiss this guy."
Spoken: "Excuse me while I kiss the sky."
Purple Haze, Jimi Hendrix

"There's a bathroom on the right."
Spoken: "There's a bad moon on the rise."
Bad Moon Rising, Creedence Clearwater

"The girl with colitis goes by."
Spoken: "The girl with kaleidoscope eyes."
Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds, The Beatles

"Crimean River."
Spoken: "Cry Me a River."
Cry Me a River, Julie London

"Bring me an iron lung."
Spoken: "Bring me a higher love."
Higher Love, Steve Winwood

"Mama don't take my clothes 'n' throw 'em away."
Spoken: "Mama don't take my Kodachrome away."
Kodachrome, Paul Simon

"You make the best homemade stew around."
Spoken: "You make the best of what's still around."
When The World Is Running Down, The Police

[askyourgran]

There used to be a song called Morgan or Morning, we still don't know which it is.

[boxtops]

what gran, Morgan has broken?