Father becoming extremely ackward

[jimmysipples]

Im married to a girl and we have a 2yo boy. When i met this girl she had a 2yo boy who is now 9. He has lived with me and his mother since that age. His father has always been ackward but for the most I have always honestly taken some kind of middle ground, and as a man have sometimes saw his point and advised my wife of this. i always tried in my utmost to see his point of view when considering his son. However, lately he has became totally unaproachable and will not even communicate with my wife, his sons mother. He has decided to always leave any requests/demands or refusals to a swap of w'kends by letter, and has stated he will not speak to us in person no more. It has spiralled into a case of petty to an fro remarks between each other via letter. I hate doing it but he does try to make you rise to it. I suppose in my responses I then try to do the same. We have had enough and I have suggested to my wife to let the solicitor sort it, but its not what i want. i want the boy to have a relationship with his dad, but i also want his dad to be reasonable and see that he does in fact get quite alot and gives nothing in return. He does threaten to go to court for more time and more responsibility but do we have to bow down to any demands? The facts are this. His son has lived with me in my home for 7 years. He now has a 2yo brother. His mother an I both work me full time her part time. His father and his wife are both unemployed. He has not paid a penny towards his son in over 18 months. He refuses to contribute to his sons school uniforms. he lives 30 miles away from his sons home town. he gets his son every 2nd w'end, and an overnight stay with his son midweek every week regardless who's w'kend it is. He always accuses me of interfreing, but as the man who keeps his son and see's he wants for nothing, surely i do have a right? there are alot of questions within the question, but my main one is, do we hold any fear of court grantin him custody or more time?

[lslowry]

we had a similar situation in my family a while ago. Were they married? This has an affect on any custody threat.

[jimmysipples]

no they werent married. it just has me drained to be honest. they werent married, but he did at the time go to court and my wife agreed to give him parental responsibility and it was decided by the court to grant this time he has with his son, which incidentally we have rearranged by mutual verbal agreement with him to facilitate his unemployment. we do sometimes think of reverting back to original agreement, but that would of be no benefit to the boy, and after all thats the important thing. can we go back to court for a reduction of time with his son? we thought minimal disruption would be every second weekend as it it is and one over night stay midweek on the weekend the father doesnt have him for example wednesday night.

[lslowry]

my daughter wasn't married either, and her solicitor said the father hadn't got a chance of getting custody. In your case with him being unemployed, i think the possibility is quite small. I can understand your concern though, Jimmy. Try not to get too worked up, as you sound a decent bloke. All the best, Lowry.

[jimmysipples]

cheers, you know, you just get the feeling he is soo trying to get me, my wife or anyone of our family to give him a slap or his wife. just so he can go down that road of things, i'm just disappointed that a guy i have genuinely stuck up for and never once put down in his sons presence, is being like this. I really am torn lol. because i try to put myself in his shoes an say what would i do, but i cant see me doin what he does. Firstly, i'd live nearby regardless. And at the age his son is now, in the near future he could be popping round on his bike callin in to say hi, and you'd have daily contact with him, with no objection from the mother. The boy didnt ask his dad to go live 30 miles away. He is from this area and it isn't work keeping him where he is. My folks broke up when i was 4 an i nevr at anytime of my life remember it being like this!! lol

[joko]

do not write any more letter to him...he can use them as evidence...especialy if they have a 'tone'... he may well be trying to get you so annoyed you act up or do something bad...so he can report you - and help him claims

i would suggest you let your wife deal with all future correspomdance and only phone him - dont leave snotty messages or texts either..it will mount up and look abad

[Count-A-Strong]

You seem to have received some good advice 2 years ago:
http://www.theanswerb...w/Question587046.html

[jimmysipples]

unfortunately it has got no better since then, but by all means worse