Oscar Worthy

[DEN53]

As some of you may know, my Mum has dementia, after the worst weekend of my life (and believe me I've had a few) I took my Mum into respite care in a nursing home yesterday. My acting performance was deserving of an oscar.

After showering her I had to sort her clothes out, name tag them, pack and doing all this in total secrecy. I then told her we were going for a ride in the country and stopping off in a hotel for a cuppa. Eventually found the nursing home, still keeping up the pretence with Mum. Lovely staff greeted us and I was very impressed how clean and bright it was. All was going well, drinking tea and chatting to others - then a carer brought some really bad patients in - I just completely broke down and had to hurry into the kitchen, so Mum could'nt see me crying.

The manager took me into the office to console me, with Mum shouting out my name from the day room.

Anyway to cut a long story short - I left her there in the capable hands of a carer and went to the car to get her belongings, still crying !

My Dad is in bits but keeping himself busy.

I know I have done the right thing, as my Dad needs a break from the caring and so do i.

Trouble is I feel so guilty and am still crying.

Many of you may have been through a similar situation, especially Mazie, who has been a support to me via email. Unfortunately my email is down at the moment, so thats why I am off loading on AB.

[ttfn]

You would be sorry if you met her Den, as much as I love her, I am the humorous one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[DEN53]

Oh dear ttfn - I am guessing you were'nt her bridesmaid then (:0 (

[beattie819]

I SO feel for you Den. My mum has advanced dementia. I had to put her in respite last year, and the feeling of guilt was overwhelming. I couldnt bring myself to go and see her for 10 days.
I didnt know at the time, but I have leukaemia, which is partly why I felt so low. We still have her at home, and it is so hard. She has just started to get abusive, mostly towards me, and she tries to wander off. I am in remission, but I dont feel I have had the chance to feel better. I hate the feeling of resentment towards her, feeling I have no life of my own. Its horrid, I feel for you, and I feel for the little lady who used to be my mum. Big hugs and my thoughts are with you.

[DEN53]

beattie - have you not put your Mum in respite care since ? do you have any help with her at home ?

[beattie819]

Hi Den. No I havent put her in respite again, it turned out the 3 star home where she went was not so good. They lost all her clothes, she ended up wearing some awful things belonging to someone else, they lost her glasses and hearing aid, and her medication box. She now goes to a day centre each week day, and my sister has her most weekends. Its a bit of a tie having to take her and collect her but we are managing so far. I do feel guilty because I dread 4 pm when she is due home. What a dreadful horrible thing dementia is.

[ummmm]

beattie819....are you sure they 'lost' them? When we looked through my Nans drawers she had four pairs of glasses belonging to other people.

[zzxxee]

its always hard to see your parents like this especially as the child , you want the parent to be the strong one, the first day is always the hardest xxx i wish you wellxxxxx