what can i do :-(

[lotsafun]

this is a rather long post but i want to give all the details and would really apprieciate your opinions. Basically my 86 year old grandmother was completely abandoned on monday by her own son and daughter so that they can enjoy there holiday. She has dimentia and is crippled with arthritis, angina and many other problems along with them. My auntie moved in with my gran after my grandad died and consequently was appointed as her carer, my nan asked if she can have a holiday and asked if her son, daughter in law and her ''carer'' to come along to which they all agreed. They booked a caravan at a local holiday park and my nan paid for it. Anway they left on saturday and while they were gone some family members and myself decided to go and clean my nans house for her as her ''carer'' is not the most cleanest and hygenic person in the world and the house was filthy. We let ourselves in on monday and to put it bluntly what greeted us was appauling, i can still mentally smell and taste the stench and it still makes me gag thinking of it. The kitchen was disgusting, there was food left out on the worktops still that was rotting, full, used bin bags in the corner, the dirt and grime was shocking, cigerette butts on the worktops, windowsill, sink, floor. I i cant begin to say what was on the floor, tbh i think it was dog poo that had been left over a long period.It was pure filth!!!! We had to completely strip everyhting, its taken 3 of us 3 days to clean it but the dirt was so bad that it still doesnt look to great now. In the living room there was about 4 ashtrays that were full lying around, even the contents of 1 on the floor that had been left, the dust was unbelievable, and my nans chair in the corner was still soaking with urine. continued on next post

[ummmm]

Living like that...surely your Nan has sores. My Grandad is partially incontinent and wears pads and suffers quite badly from sores that sometimes get infected and cause him extreme pain.

He pays to have carers come in twice a day to help with his hygiene. They get him up in the morning and put him to bed at night. He also has my cousin living with him and between us as a family we see him most days of the week.

My point being...he is well taken care of and still suffers...

[Mosaic]

This is a clear example of elder abuse and you need to get help from your gran's GP, from social services, and from the police if necessary. Talk to as many official agencies as you can.
This page has some helpful pointers:
http://www.ageuk.org....ourself/?paging=false
Try not to become upset at the things she says. This is a symptom of her illness and in all likelihood she has given her 'carer' similar outbursts. She will have forgotten it when you see her again.
Good luck and be brave.

[dotty.]

My assumptions are that
1) Your aunt is paid an attendance allowance from your nan
2) your aunt claims an allowance herself for looking after your nan
3) their holiday was paid for by the social sevices cos it was a respite holiday
4) they have felt entitled to raid your nan's credit card/bank account as they feel they have the right.
5) they collect your nan's pension too and have taken over her finances
6) they are disgusting people.

[lotsafun]

we have the gut feeling tht my nan has paid for the holiday out of her own money or shall i say they have paid for the holiday out of my nans money as none of them work and always go on about how hard up they are and always borrowing money from people. They refused any help whatsoever from social services last time stating that theyw ere coping fine. Social services had previously turned up with a proposal of a stairlift being fitted for my nan and they turned the guy away when he came to measure up. Its crazy and absolutley nothing makes sense, surely youd want the utmost best for your mother wouldnt you???????

[LoftyLottie]

Absolutely agree with Eddie. Please act immediately. Your Nan is being abused and is in danger. Ring Social Services straight away on the emergency number as Eddie has advised.

[boxtops]

I heard a presentation about dementia last week and lotsafun, it's likely that your nan is not angry with you, it's the illness which is making her sound angry - change is hard for people with dementia to handle and you being there has alarmed her. The situation sounds appalling, I guess from what you say that she has not had visits from the district nurse? - yet all the medication keeps being prescribed for her and it sounds as if she's not been taking it - which is clearly the role of a carer to make sure that she does. You might want to ask for the GP to make a home visit - you will certainly have to return all those meds to a pharmacy for safe disposal so taking it back to the GP might be a good option, so her medication can be reviewed. Your story is dreadful and I am sorry for your situation but this has to be dealt with - I am glad for you and your nan that you have involved social services. She deserves better. Let us know how you get on.

[brenda]

Have followed this post with much anger that an elderly person is being treated like this.Agree with all the advice given , espescially Eddie -- this must be a case for the police to be involved in as well. Elderly abuse , neglect and theft-- surely they may be able to help.This must be the most devasting situation that you have ever known , and I hope that you will be able to stay strong to see this through . M y good wishes to you in all this , will be thinking about you , as I am sure will others Abers who have been so very concerned about you and the old lady.Please let us know if you can how things work out , you are in our thoughts.

[lotsafun]

thanks guys for your advice, its a very emotional and distressing time. I will keep you all informed xxxx

[muchlovex]

Hi lots'
Any update on you nan?

We hope everything is ok?

muchlovex

[lotsafun]

hi all just a quick update, my cousin rang the social services emergency number and she was told that it was wasnt a urgent enough case to have someone out straight away as she has someone there looking after her. Still no date on when they are going to turn up iether, i feel like im banging my head against a wall !!!!! We had a family meeting on sunday where we confronted 'the 3' about what we found and all we had was nodding of agreement from them and them saying ''yes we do need help''. I understand that caring for someone with a mental illness is hard, i had 4 days of it and i was in tears for most of them but nothing can excuse the pure lazyness of them. Its not much to wipe over units, put bins of soiled nappies out and emptying a comode after each use. Its not hard to make sure your mother has clean clothes and bedding and its not hard to pre arrange someone to look after her for you to have a break. if you need one. And its not hard to see that your mother has her medication everyday . My nan got very upset and offensive at us for ''ganging; up on them and started to scream at us all to leave again so we had our say and did what she requested as she was getting very worked up and upset by it all. Until social services turn up there are several family members taking over now by going down straight after taking kids to school and fitting it in around work commitments, were all pulling together now as much as we can and keeping a closer eye on the finacial matters too. I will keep you informed on what social services say as and when they turn up.