Unbearable B1tch Syndrome

[beso]

I believe there is an unrecognised form of dementia where a person becomes obsessed with being absolutely unbearable to everyone close to them. Ridiculous negativity that searches for every possible downside of every aspect of life.

Like Alzheimers but not affecting memory, rather the ability to see anything positive in anything. Incredible wallowing and depression. Rejecting every effort to help and punishing anyone who tried. Ultimately rejecting all, especially those who care about them.

Increasingly isolating themselves though in the early phases being the life of the party but immediate regression to negativity when away from public. Ultimately closing off to all.

My mother-in-law has it and today my wife met another woman whose mother's symptoms are uncannily identical. Food has no taste. Extreme displays of drama. My wife's mother attempted to open the car door while traversing a roundabout. The other woman's mother held a knife to her own throat.

Most effective response is to tell them to stop being stupid but they immediately start working on new drama. Enjoy bringing others to tears.

Anyone else experienced this in an aging relative? What do we do?

[tiggerblue10]

How old is she? Have you tried talking to her to find out why she feels all this negativity towards everything. It could be symptoms of depression. You could try contacting her GP to see if they can help.

[beso]

She is 77. Her GP doesn't take her seriously any more. Both these women have apparently become hypochondriacs.

They both contradict everything anyone says. Both make a big deal about throwing away food. MIL will stand at the fridge and throw perfectly good food into the bin. It is completely irrational but doesn't affect their memory.

Today MIL bought a fruit cake despite knowing that fruitcake has always upset her stomach and would never eat it. Then she ate a big slab of it despite my wife reminding her she didn't like it. It is like she actually chooses actions that will fuel the negativity.

Seriously, I am sure this is an unrecognised form of dementia. It would be described but no researcher could possibly stand to be around them long enough to recognise the syndrome. I believe it affects part of the brain not associated with memory but is otherwise a form of Alzheimer's.

Today when my wife met the other woman with exactly the same story was the first glimmer of relief in an increasingly desperate situation. The other woman felt the same. Only that they knew they were not sisters convinced them they were not talking about exactly the same person.

The old women have both ostrasised their previously adored grandchildren.

It is heartbreaking to see a previously fine woman go like this. It is very distressing and is progressing rapidly. The other woman has endured it for four years and is at her wit's end.

[CAJ1]

It sounds horrible beso both for you and the women involved. I agree with tiggerblue, maybe it is some form of depression. Try to either fill this test in for them based on what you know or get them to fill it in themselves, maybe it will shed some light on the situation

http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/depression.aspx

Good luck, my OH's mother has a lot of problems like that and is very trying at times.

[NOX]

Ny ex wife's grandmother went exactly the same way- from being a very fine human being to being aggressive and unpleasant with everyone, wet blanketting everyone's plans and generally being a super pain in the arse,rowing with everyone. It ended with her refusing point blank to eat anything or to allow anyone to help her- she eventually died in hosiptal the family having had virtually no help from the medical profession at all who said she didn't have dementia so she was free to do whatever she liked- whilst they were obliged to stand by and watch her slowly starve herself to death. They eventually bundled her into the car, took her to the hospital and reufsed point blank to leave until something was done. They admitted her and then let her starve herself until she died. Disgusting.This sounds absolutely identical to me.

[EcclesCake]

I have also seen exactly this kind of behaviour in two of my relatives and a neighbour is reporting similar behaviour in her Father-in-law.

I had never considered there to be a medical reason behind it, I simply put it down being cantankerous and it was their way of having some fun in an otherwise dull and frustrating life as they shuffled off the mortal coil. It is the point about them being sweetness and light with outsiders but possessed by demons with family that particularly strikes a chord with me.

I can't offer any suggestions with regards what to do but having read this post I do wonder if there is more to this kind of behaviour?

[Jan1957]

This sounds exactly like what happened to my mother who I haven't spoken to for six years after an argument over it. She just drove everyone away from her with her constant negativity. It could be the start of Alzheimers which my mother has had now for two years. If her GP will not take her seriously any more perhaps one of the Alzheimers help groups could give you some advice.

[ladyalex]

I can relate to this too with two of my elderly relatives. One of them developed a kind of dementia....vascular I think rather than Alzheimers and eventually died to everyone's great relief. The other is still alive and from time to time drives us all nuts. Not, I am glad to say to the extent that your MIL seems to be, but bad enough to make visits a trial.
The only way we found/find to deal with it is to try to ignore it as much as is humanly possible (very difficult). Go in, do the necessary and get out asap. Accepting that the lovely person you used to know has gone and been replaced by someone else using her body was the only way we could cope. It is just so sad too, though.
I have enormous sympathy for people who just snap and lash out at their elderly relatives whilst having this experience. Fortunately I never have, but it has been a close call sometimes. The frustration when you see them sabotaging arrangements or when you have to listen to them belittling all attempts to help them is just awful. We too have had the experience of them being as sweet as honey to outsiders, often to criticise them roundly as soon as they have left.
I have no idea what to do about this in terms of alerting the medical profession etc, but
the evidence is beginning to build up that yours is not an isolated case.
(Actually if you ave a look around Sainsburys or Asda and see an elderly person with their 60-ish companion, you can often see similar things happening. I certainly have.)
I have not contacted Alzheimers Society, but I think this might be the way to go for any advice.
I do feel for you .

[tiggerblue10]

If her GP doesn't take her seriously anymore then I would make a complaint about them. They are they to either diagnose an illness/problem or make a referral to professional. This is neglectful behaviour.

It is sounding more and more like dementia and there are differing symptoms of it. My grandmother had it but it was a lot defferent to the way you describe your MIL's actions but it affects people in defferent ways. Demand that the GP makes a referral to a professional.

[beso]

Thanks for the responses everyone. It seems that we can really only focus on not letting it destroy us.

It is so difficult when one day she is saying that she really needs help and then the next pushing us away. We stayed over a couple of nights ago and when when my wife was leaving MIL says not to stay over again any time soon as "it didn't work out".

The doctors did prescribe antidepressants which seemed to help a bit but they caused a lot of side effects.

I guess with dementia the symptoms depend on what part of the brain is affected most.

[joko]

my father is like this unfortunately...hes 81. hes always been a misery guts but its much worse

my mum is not stroppy but everything no matter how minor ends up a huge effort for her...she just huffs an blows and sighs and moans and just cant be bothered to do anyhting and get all anxious and stressed if something involves actually doing something 'extra' like making a phonecall or having to take a form somewhere or something...she didnt used to be that way

[DEN53]

My Mum has vascular dementia and this is exactly how her symptons started - she never had any memory loss which is normally associated with dementia.

[jaydah]

Ageing ? Sounds like Jilly McKeef on IACGMOOH !