Non-christian asked to be God-parent dilemma

[Karen2005]

My husband and I have recently been asked to be God-parents to one of our friend's (as yet unborn) child.  Unfortunately, neither my husband or I are Christian (or any other faith) and we both feel slightly uncomfortable about agreeing to be God-parents because of this.  Also, I have not been christened, but my husband has.  Our friend is Christian, but she is aware that we chose to have a civil wedding because we didn't want to be hypocritical and take our vows in Church.  I feel that it will be equally as hypocritical to take the God-parenting vows in Church when we do not believe or worship.  I will speak to our friend and explain our dilemma.  I will be delighted to take on the other God-parenting "duties", but the Christian element (which, of course, is at the heart of God-parenting) is making things feel rather difficult.  What are other people's thoughts on this?  What should we do?

[spudqueen]

I am a God Mother twice over even though I too am not a Christian myself. (I got married in a registry office). However, I think that nowadays, unless the family involved really are committed Christians it's just an honour that they bestow on friends or family. Unfortunately I haven't seen my God Son for years (people move, lose touch, and I was only very young when he was born), but in my God Daughters case it has meant that I have been involved in all important aspects of her life that maybe I wouldn't have been if I wasn't her Godmother. I'm sure that your friend knows that you are not a Christian but I would just take it as the honour it is meant to be.

[El D]

I don't think I could stand there and take those vows knowing I wouldn't fulfil them . . . at the end of the day it's how important your values are compared to the duties desired.

[ursula62]

As a Godparent you have to denounce the devil and all his works and promise to help bring up the child in a christian community.  You also promise to look after the child if the parents turn "wayward".

Speaking as a non christian, I'd consider it hypocritical to make these promises unless I meant to keep them.

If you are happy to mouth platitudes just to keep the peace or for appearances sake, then go for it.

If your word of honour means more to you than that, then decline gracefully and maintain your interest and love for your friends' child(ren) in other ways.

[rampart]

I wanted to mention that at the cathedral where my family and I worship, the dean or an assisting priest meets with all the godparents and parents prior to the baptism, and they get to know one another. I do not know if all churches do that, but if so, it is something to consider. I suspect that at our church, the priest would ask how you would be able to sponsor this child's Christian life.

You can, as you mentioned, certainly be a big part of this child's life in many other ways. You are a kind friend to be concerned, and should be able to politely decline.

[chongalolo]

I was exactly in your position a few years ago.  I did go along with it as I did not have the courage to decline, and I now really regret saying all those words.  I did feel like a hypocrite, and it still makes me uncomfortable.  I definitely would not do it again.  I'm sure your friends will understand your position if you decide not to go through with it, and you can be just as involved in the child's life in every other way without compromising yourself for the ceremony. 

[Englishbird]

Hi Karen2005

I'm a god-mother and totally un-religious.  I'll admit i felt a little uncomfortable in the church, I crossed my fingers when promising this and that to god, but that doesn't mean that my promise to always look after her is any less valid.

I absolutely adore her and am very pleased that she is my god-daughter.  My god parents are very important to me and religion has never played a part.

I for one wouldn't worry about it.  As long as the parents know the score I think it's fine.  You say the christian element is at the heart of God parenting - but is it really? maybe traditionally it is (hence the 'god'-parenting) but i think the heart of it is to pledge to love and if need be care for a child. 

[kaktus]

I think it's up to you. I'm not a christian or of any other faith and like you I'm not christened. I know with myself that I couldn't be a godmother and I will not let my future children be christened either, if they want to when they're older, that's fine but it would have to be their own choice. I think that the baptism is one of strongest and most religious (if you can say that) rituals and therefore is strong stuff you primise to do. Because of that I couldn't do it, but i think it is entirely up to you. If you feel bad about it don't, the new mum and dad should be able to understand why you don't want to do it. You can always be the "non-godmother" uinstead :)

[shaneystar]

I think that whatever you chose to do will end up being fine in the end. Remember that "Godparent" is simply a title. It is your attitude to the child that will determine how this child sees you.
I have eight godchildren ranging in age from 32 down to 5.I have always been involved with them and done my best for them.I hope when I am gone that they will remember me as a person and not the fact that I was not a churchgoer.

[Tha-Flash]

I wouldn't.

[LindaBon]

I have a god daughter who is now 25 tears old. At the time i was an agnostic but still felt a little uncomfortable with the service but went along with it because my friend really wanted me to even though I explained my feelings. !9 years ago my brother-in-law asked me to be god mother to his first daughter and i dclined at that point as i was by then a non-believer and did not want to be hypocritical.

When I attend church (weddings, funerals etc), I respect the views of others but do not take part in the prayers - though I will sing along to the hymns occasionally if they are the old ones we used to sing at school.

[bracknell]

Although not a God Parent, but not a practising Christian I can see both sides of the fence.  Some will say it will hypocritcal that you are even being asked to be God Parents.  So I try not to judge.  Ask yourself, why did your friend ask you to be God Parents?  Being a God Parent is not necessarily meaning that you have to take them to Sunday School make sure that they attend Church services etc.  My thoughts are, that there are more "chistian people" out there than those that profess to be christians.  In today's society ( and proably why your friend has asked you) is that you don't have to have "a faith" as such, but show kindness, friendliness, supporting when needed and knowing when to back off, having a laugh, having a cry, sharing, guiding and the occassional argument and forgiving.  These are the qualities that your friend has seen in you and wants you to extend them to the child when born. If you still feel uneasy about it, talk to your friend and ask them to set up a meeting with you their church leader and your friend and I am sure that the leader will put you at ease regarding this matter.  You wouldn't be worrying about it if it didn't matter to you.  Hope all goes well for you.

[coffee lady]

My fiance and I are godparents to our friends little girl and we are not christian.  Maddie was christened in a lovely service in her grandparents garden.  Our friends chose us as godparents because they want us to be part of Maddies life and that is an honor for us.  The vows we took are not about god but more about promising to look after maddie and respecting her, supporting her for the rest of her life. 

I love my god daughter to bits and can not imagine my life without her.  If you love your friends and their child then take it as an honor that they think that highly of you as people.  We were picked over family and this offened some people at the christening but our friends felt that we should be part of her life.

[Karen2005]

Thank you all for your responses.  I will continue to think very carefully about my choice and will certainly discuss my feelings with my friend.  Thanks again.