How do we find out if my husband's son is in college or in fulltime employment?

[Shazzle1]

My husband has a son from a previous marriage. His son will turn 17 in May of this year (2010). My husband and his son have not communicated in over 5 years. Very sadly, and despite our many and varied attempts, my husband's son has stated he wants nothing to do with his dad. My husband and his ex wife have not spoken either for approximately the same amount of time, and she too will not communicate with us. For reasons which aren't appropriate to state, my husband and I have been unable to trust as true anything that his ex wife has told us concerning the care of his son generally. She has proven herself, over many of the past years, to be untrustworthy and unreliable in the information she has given us. My husband currently pays a fixed privately agreed amount to his ex wife every month and we continue to do so to date. My husband's son has now left school and we believe, but only based on what his ex-wife told us the last time we communicated with her, that my husband's son intended to attend college after leaving school. Due to the absence of contact with either his ex wife, or his son, and their refusal to communicate with us, means that my husband currently doesn't know if his son is actually attending college or whether he is in employment. My husband and I consider it our duty and wouldn't wish for anything other than to support his son in education, but equally we're anxious not to be paying this amount if, in fact, it's not appropriate due to his son's current circumstances. We're at a loss as to how to find accurate and reliable answers since even if we were able to communicate with his ex wife, we then would feel unable to trust what information she provides based on our previous experience of her. Is there any way that we can verify that my husband's son is, in fact, attending college or if in full time employment? Any help or suggesetions will be very gratefully received.

[mike11111]

Stop the payments. They'll be round in a flash and you'll get the full picture.

[ummmm]

Ditto Mike....

Write to her saying the payments will stop until she shows you proof that he's still in full time education.

[woofgang]

say that you wish to make any payment directly to the son and that he needs to contact you to give his details...if he doesn't want to contact you then no money.

[bednobs]

absolutely agree - write to her telling her of your intention to stop the payments unless she can prove the son is in FT education (after all, this could hardly make the relationship between father and son any worse could it?)
If you receive nothing back, stop the payments but keep the money in case she gets in contact with the CSA (i hope he has proof of all previous payments?) and you have a backdated amount to pay

[boxtops]

The suggestions above sound very practical advice!

[society]

"His son will turn 17 in May of this year (2010)."

You meant 2011, right? ;-)

[dotty.]

simple enough, look him up on facebook, he'll have in his profile which college he is at.