letter

[nextqueen]

my friend's daughter lives away from home. she has had a letter come to her mother's house saying urgent on it and it isnt sealed at the back of the envelope, just tucked in. my friend has opened it as worried about it saying urgent. she couldnt get in touch with her daughter to tell her it had arrived straight away. anyway she opened it to have a look and it seems its from the woman/wife of a man who her daughter sounds like she had an affair with at work. the woman is saying they are now very happy together and have had a baby, she shouldnt need to sleep with her boss to get up the ladder etc and basically the girl did them a favour. my friend is totally shocked by this and never thought she would do something like this. she is wanting to confront her daughter but im saying to leave it, what do you think is best to do? if only she hadnt looked!

[dotty.]

put it in another envelope, seal it, put a stamp on it and repost it, she'll not know

[LoftyLottie]

I absolutely agree with redcrx. The daughter is 27 and this is nothing to do with her mother. She should not have opened the letter, but these things happen. It's unfortunate, but the mother wouldn't have a problem at all if she hadn't seen the letter.

[Bbbananas]

At 27 she is adult enough to make her own decisions and live her life. Her mother should keep quiet about it - it could well cause a rift between them if she says anything.

[Invictas]

To me(personally) ot sounds like this Mother has never trusted her Daughter,and couldn't resist opening this (unsealed) letter.
She has opened a can of worms here,and if she wants to mantain ANY kind of relationship with her daughter she would best to destroy the letter and NEVER mention it again.If she does admit she has opened the letter and read it's contents bang goes another Mother~Daughter relationship.
In effect reading this letter is like listening at keyholes,you only ever hear things you don't like that way.
I also get the feeling that the Mother has invented the word urgent on the letter to justify here opening it,what would she have done if it were sealed.
Opened it anyway? there is such a thing as privacy of the mail,and the daughter is an adult.

[LoftyLottie]

Surely Invictas the daughter should get the letter. Her mother has no right to destroy it. The letter wasn't sealed so there should not be a problem. The daughter might well, however, suspect her mother might have read it. Best if she gets the letter and Mum stays Mum!!

[Invictas]

PS:~
Now that she has told the daughter that there IS a letter,then I would go with the suggestion of putting it another evelope and stamping it etc.
If not then there is going to be one almighty row when the daughter returns.
Do parents ever let go?

[LoftyLottie]

But the letter was sent unsealed Invictas. No need to do anything except leave it there for her daughter to open.

Actually, no parents never let go really, not in their heads, you have to force yourself through gritted teeth!!

[Invictas]

Maybe Lottie,
but don't you think that if it IS left unsealed that the daughter(knowing what her mother is like) will KNOW that her mother HAS read the letter?
It's a no win situatuon on all fronts really isn't it.

[Invictas]

PS: Lottie,
Then I am glad I am not a parent then.

[SizzleSquid]

well i think she did the right thing opening it as the letter wasnt addressed to anybody-it just said urgent and this could have been anything -the mother shouldnt throw it away and ignore it, her daughter could need support.
the mother shouldnt tell her daughter off, but explain gently she was concerned about this strange urgent letter, thought something bad had happened so read it, and explain what she read. The daughter may be embarassed, however may really appreciate somebody to talk to about it, and a quick talk from her mum to say going off with a married man is a bad idea wuldnt go amiss-it only ends in misery.
Chances are the affair ended long ago if the wife has had a baby, and the daughter has moved on, but she still may need some support anyway-whos to say the married man wasnt leading this daughter on as they often do?
it will be a weight off her mothers chest-and a lesson/chance for support for the daughter.

[Robinia]

Does anyone really send a letter unsealed these days?

If it was then all the mother has to do is seal the envelope with the letter inside and say nothing about knowing what's in it. Hope she's a good actress, she can't unread it can she?...the daughter won't know it was delivered unsealed.

[LoftyLottie]

I thought the letter was addressed to the daughter and said 'Urgent' on it.

[LoftyLottie]

Basically the mother needs to leave well alone. Nothing to do with her! (unless the daughter asks her advice)

[alavahalf]

Tampering with the Royal Mail ... off with her head..!

[joko]

this really depends on the sort of relationship she has with her daughter - only she knows really whether this will all back fire on her

she could just give her the paper and say it was put throught the letterbox that way, no envelope, that would explain her having read the contents...and allow her to discuss it...or put it in a new envelope and say nothing

i know a lot of people would have struggled not to open the letter under those circumstances ...i left an old boyfriend a note when i was leaving him...and my dad walked over picked it up unfolded it and read it and gave a 'fine' nod...as though he was just 'checking' it for me - i was quite annoyed at him for that...none of his business and embarassing.
though my dad is the nosiest man in the universe ( used to root under our beds, go through our bins, etc etc)

and it does indeed sound like the wife was hoping perhaps the daughters new bf saw it...

[nextqueen]

just to update you, my friend has actually managed to keep her mouth shut. her daughter collected the letter while her mother was out by chance so there wasnt a reaction to be seen at least. i sat my friend down and she saw the implications fully, i think getting it off her chest with me has helped. thanks everyone for your advice, i told my friend all this and she saw sense for once, hope its long not short lived now!