Internet lie

[flipnflap]

A month or so ago, a male mate of mine finally gave in to urging from other friends to try Internet dating. They also advised him to alter certain facts about himself in order to throw stalker-types off his scent (apparently there are quite a lot on those sites). Thing is that included knocking 5 years off his age, which they told him was common practice and, to be fair, he does look at least 5 years younger than he actually is (50). Anyway, it wasn't long before he encountered someone who he already considers rather special, and it looks to be going rather well between them. But she is 36 and thinks he is 45. Now he's torn between fessing up before she finds out, or hoping he gets away with it for as long as he can. He fears she'll give him the elbow for lying, though it's possible she may have knocked a few years off her own age. I'm not sure what I would do if I found out - cos he's my mate I can't imagine. I'd be interested to hear what other female subscribers would do, and what you feel he should do?

[boxtops]

Have they actually met yet?

[DosAmigos]

Tell the truth straightaway. You can't base a relationship on lies.

[PipinHull]

I know, I wasn't suggesting he'd lied about all of those things, just that taking advice from friends who recommend you don't put real location/job etc is never a good thing! I used to reply to people who had interesting jobs because I always thought if there was no spark, at least we could talk about work. If they said they actually did something else entirely I'd be very unimpressed. Also, and I know it shouldn't make a difference (but it does), if she really is 36 she may be thinking about children - having kids with a guy who is 45 is somehow different to 50, I don't really know why.

[tinkerbell23]

Say it was a wee typing error hehe .....

Come clean id say x

[Sqad]

<<<<<Anyway, it wasn't long before he encountered someone who he already considers rather special,<<<<<

Got it....someone who is married, not interested in a "meaningful relationship" and wants a bit of spare, now and again.

That isnt special and is readily available on Dating Sites.

If he wants a "bit of spare" then what has age got to do with it?
If he wants a " lifetime partner" then again, what has age got to do with it?

My advice....don´t bring the subject of age up until you have too.....and THEN and only then tell the truth.....................OR.............keep lying...........assess the situation.

[milly143]

"he just didn't want people he knew seeing him on a dating site and taking the mick"

The only way anyone would see him on a dating site would be if there were on there too. Hardly someone in the position to take the mick.

He should just tell her.

[joko]

perhaps he should just say what you have said here...that he was encouraged to and didnt think it was a big deal, but that now hes met her he relaises he shoudnt have...as you say, lots od people do it and fro some it seems to be the done thing and the norm, so its easy i suppose for someone new to it to got swept along.
its pretty obvious hes just hoped to meet a younger woman...esepcially since you say he could pull that off

making up all sorts of excuses to get round it will just sound like crap and will only inspire mistrust

i think the stalker thing is nonsense - how could anyone stalk any one from a few online chats/?

and if you mean they use the fdetsails to do info searches, then you alter minor details like just give a different birthdate..not knock 5 years off...

[Scarlett]

I agree that more women of 36 would include 45 in their search where they might draw the line at 50; I would get him to say that originally a 'friend' filled out the form for him as a joke, to try and nudge him into signing up. The friend put him down as 45 as he looks and acts far younger than 50. So, it wasn't really his fault but by then it was too late to change it as he'd already had some replies. A little white lie, but better than saying "I lied" cos it makes him look vain!

[Eve]

Has the age issue ever been brought up between them in that he has compounded the lie which could make it worse.

How long since they met on the dating site and have they actually met?

I'd say coming clean as soon as possible is the best solution, it's wise to be guarded about internet dating generally these days, I would also be wondering (if I were her) what else he lied about - even if he actually hasn't, the suspicion is there and doesn't bode too well for a relationship built on trust.