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Legs akimbo ? That's one heck of a yoga position !
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I read this bit and thought it was either very weird or very kinky.

A bite from the spider could also have some other, nastier, side effects, including loss of muscle control, severe pain, difficulty breathing and oxygen deprivation.

So great - you get a four hour erection, crap yourself, can't walk, feel like you've been kicked in the nads and then like you are being strangled.
You'd hope that, after four hours, most guys would do an impressive ... you know ...

... "finish" ... which would be jolly.
Kicked in the nads and strangled, barmaid?

Only MPs enjoy that sort of sex.
I did wonder if it was a conservative party manifesto.
there was a headline in the Scotsman many years ago after locals in Edinburgh, just near the Haymarket, complained of the smell of burning rubber from a house of ill-repute. Thed headline ran "Council go in to look for Unauthorised Erections"

Four hours.....ouch....though I could tell one story but won't......it is not the 9pm watershed!
Hi DEN !
The mind boggles, don't fancy going out with a bulge in my pants or a pocket full of spiders ! lol

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