Women Trouble

[nanunanu]

I know its a bad thing to do but I have been comparing my relationship to other close friends that i know, and I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. There have been a few instances recently where my girlfriend has refused to let me go out with my malke friends as she thinks they are all 'typical male dogs' and chet. I am 23 year old male.

Yet it is ok for her to see her mates as they are not going 'whoring'.

She has recently lost her father, but that is not the cause as the relationship has always been like this. My other mates think I am weird because I never see them anymore.



They all go out to Blackpool etc with their mates yet I cant even go out locally without her.

She also threatens to dump me and to get back with her ex, but when I call her bluff and tell her to do it, she says she was only saying it for attention

GOD DAMN LOL

[Lisax]

this girl is controlling you.... you are only 23 get out and enjoy your life!!!!! you need to sit her down and say its one rule for both of you or thats it!!!!

[Octavius]

Yes, sounds like she has trust problems but that shouldn't be compensated by her control over you.  Take time to see all your mates with and without her, but also spend time with her.

As regards the getting back to her ex, if anyone used this threat on me they would be straight out the door, whether said in jest or not.  No room in a relationship for a 3rd party in my eyes.

[undercovers]

yup she sounds like a bunny boiler! at the moment it is just a slightly annoying control issue, but given time she'll get worse until you have lost your entire life to her... knock it on the head now, she is obviously a power freak and that is nearly always more important to the person than their partner is (if you see what i mean) e.g. she will be happy controlling anyone else as she is in love with that and not the person.

good luck and enjoy going out with you mates again

[ineedahobby]

Always amazes me when I hear the phrase "I'm not allowed...." with regards to adult relationships.  You are an adult not a child.  She has no right to dictate to you who you can go out with, I agree with all of the above this will probably only get worse if its left.  If you love her then stay with her but only if she totally rethinks her attitude.

Best of luck

[kick3m0n]

can only agree with the above.  The more you let her get away with this ridiculous, controlling behaviour, the more it will feed her insecurities, rather than help her overcome them.   She needs to realise the trust issues are her problem, not yours and you should not be made to feel guilty for wanting to have normal friendships with your mates.  You need to sit her down and calmly tell her that this is no longer acceptable and that you will be resuming your social life.  If she needs reassurance of your feelings for her, or has moments of jealousy, she should tell you, and you can give her hugs and reassurance, but you should still continue to see your friends and join in with their normal social activities.  Your gf may well have had issues with unfaithful boyfriends/absent father etc in the past which has contributed towards her severe jealousy and controlling behaviour, but that is for her to address, with your help of course, as at present you are becoming a victim of her unreasonable behaviour.  

However, I do agree with the above re your use of "can't" and "not allowed to".  That's YOUR choice, as you are an adult, yet you're allowing yourself to be dictated to and treated as tho you were a child.  This is not a partnership in any way at the moment, and you seriously need to get some equality here.

[spudqueen]

My brother was in a relationship (marriage actually) where his wife was very controlling. He couldn't go and see his mates, yet she could see hers (some of them male). He didn't have any spending money, she spent it all etc etc. After 10 long unhappy years he finally dumped her, has now found someone else and is now very happy. Please don't let her dictate to you like this, a relationship is all about give and take otherwise it is all one sided. If you want to see your mates see them. If she doesn't like she can get lost.

[hannahjo]

No partner should stop you from seeing your mates. You�re a grown adult and you have every right to decide what to do, where to go and who with. If she doesn�t trust you, and you�ve never given any reason not to trust you than it�s her that has the problem and she needs to sort this out herself. The best relationships are those that are based on trust, if it�s not present in yours then I suggest you think seriously where this relationship is headed. Best of luck :)

[lady_p_gold]

Well actually your girlfriend is probably in as much turmoil as you are as she knows deep down that she is being possessive and unreasonable and yet she cannot help herself.  With this sort of behaviour she is terrified of you meeting someone else while you are out and is in torment when you are away from her, imagining all sorts of temptation and mischief that you may be getting up to which will end up with her losing you.  The stupid thing is ... the very thing she fears she will eventually drive you to, if she does not get some help.  There are several books on the market or from Amazon about coping with possessiveness and jealousy and maybe she might benefit from some counselling.   It may be too deep seated ever to be sorted out, in which case you will have to decide if you want a lifetime of it, or if sadly you will have to move on.  

[bracknell]

sorry to hear about the controlling going on - but for goodness sake man, you are 23 and you should be out on the town in Blackpool with your mates.  Time to part company and live your own life.   Remember, life is about having fun when you are young.  Make the break end the "relationship" and have fun.  Go on dates instead of going for whole hog relationships.  That's for when you are older.  Must say Blackpool with a gang of mates on the drink - sounds my kind of weekend to me!!  Good luck with whatever you decide.