am i being unreasonable?

[help-me-please]

I have this friend whom I have known since I was old enough to walk and play outside. Through all the people that have came and went in life, weve remained friends. We were best friends all through high school & had a really strong, close bond. We'd share all our secrets and was there for each other through thick and thin. When we went to university we still kept in contact and partied often together. She always told me I was the best mate she had ever had and confinded in me as I am a genuine true friend who doesnt judge or tell anyone to do. Recently it was announced that she was getting married and she asked me to be bridesmaid, I accepted. As I was at uni and have a lot of demands with work and uni and exams I havent seen her in the past 4 months with being at uni monday-friday & I work every weekend so I cannot travel home to see her. I found out from another girl that she has other people to be bridesmaids and has them all fitted for dresses. I could not believe she did not even tell me that I was no longer a bridesmaid. For her hen do, she didnt even tell me anything about it & again I found out details about it. One of the closest girl mates I have didnt even have me in the biggest day of her life, I wasnt even informed of the hen do. It hurt. She text me asking for my address to post my wedding invite and through all decided I would still go despite her dropping me as a bridesmaid and not informing me of her hen do. So 1 week to her wedding, having recieved no invite. I get a text from her asking if I was going when I said yeas and asked where and when...she replied with details however its a night time invite. Totally feel so so hurt & I cannot bring myself to tell her how hurt I am at the night time invite since its her big day soon & i do not wish to stress her, I decided not to go. I dont know if I am being extreemly selfish. What do you all think?

[help-me-please]

i feel if she wanted me there - she'd have made the effort to contact me. Its her wedding after all.

[help-me-please]

thats exactly my point. Hearing I wasnt a bridesmaid through gossip and not from her, was nothing I could have controlled.

[Canary42]

One of life's hardest lessons - all good things come to an end. Move on.

[hazel999]

If you contact and tell her how you feel maybe you could resolve things. I wouldn't walk away with no answers as to why she has behaved like this, arrange to meet up for a coffee or something and discuss whats happened to your friendship.
You never know, things might get resolved.

Good Luck

[supersuezy24]

I personally would feel quite awkward going to the wedding if i was treated this way...
Also I would be a bit put out that after years of friendship that I didnt get invited to the church..i know it's your friends wedding and understand she is excited and such but a phone call could of gone a long way to explain that you were not going to be bridesmaid.
Did you ever contact her about fittings and stuff?

[askyourgran]

Thanks uuumm I didn't read all - I read up to karen and jems posts at 21.12.

It seems "out of sight out of mind" as far as the friend is concerned. It would be nice to find out what is bothering her. Try to arrange a meeting with her to give her a wedding present, and have a chat tell her how you feel.

[help-me-please]

well I heard from people she had already picked three and names picked wasnt me. She asked another girl & then told the girl weeks later that she couldnt be bridesmaid since she rarely seen her (so I wasnt the only one who had been ditched, however she phones her and told her, I didnt) by time I found out the three girls had been fitted...x

[hazel999]

I'm dealing with a nightmare best friend at the moment and it really gets under your skin, its been driving me crazy and I couldn't seem to switch off from it until I contacted her with my concerns.
If you don't get any where at least you can say you tried :o)

[ttfn]

Hi help-me. I suppose the marriage would have made some difference to your friendship anyway. My view is that you have just learned a new lesson in life. Unfortunately 'best friends' can well have a sell-by date for a number of reasons. Based on your op, your friend has not treated you fairly and you were entitled to expect better treatment. It does you credit that you don't wish to add to the pre-wedding stress your friend is no doubt going through. It would appear that the choice of damage limitation is now in your court for you to decide which path you take. No matter how hard you try, I don't suppose you will be able to view the situation impartially. So, how do you want to be with your friend in a month, 6 months' or even a year's time? All I would suggest is that you try and remain amicable - your sense of hurt is both obvious and understandable. I would like to think that your friend has misgivings over her dealings with you. Whatever you decide, things will never be quite the same again with her. If you can find it in you to attend her wedding, I think that would be a nice thing for you to do. Good luck.