Memory problems

[Barmaid]

My OH has a really really terrible memory. It's actually reached the point where it is no laughing matter because he simply forgets to do really important things or tell me about really important things. He has missed two medical appointments and is now going to be removed from the register which is something that we can do without given that he needs medication for depression.

I've put a calendar up on the wall on which he is meant to write down appointments, which I then check and tell him and keep reminding him. That doesn't work because he forgets to put things on the calendar!!!!! Short of frisking him when he walks in the house I just don't know what to do.

He is really distracted at the moment fighting a big legal case so that doesn't help, but can anyone suggest ANYTHING at all I can do to help him remember the stuff he needs to. Trouble is, if I tell him more than twice he accuses me of nagging and tells me to shut up so I do and then he bloody well forgets to deal with whatever he was meant to deal with.

It's really doing my box in.

[Barmaid]

Crikey I am slow at typing tonight!

Thanks Wolf - I think there is a lot of truth in what you say. This court case thing has almost become a crusade. He lives it. To the exclusion of EVERYTHING else. That apart, his memory is still terrible. It's almost as if the case is a diversion tactic though. he has discussed this with the CBT person and she seemed to think it was linked to his childhood - which was shocking in a number of respects and consequently he has blocked huge chunks of his life out.

I do vent - either on here or somewhere else or more often by phoning my mum or my best mate. I don't vent at him because I don't see it as his fault (annoying as it is) I see it as our problem. Nonetheless, it does cause rows. It is becoming a massive issue - I can't be his personal organiser 24/7 since one of us has to earn some money!!!!!

And I had no idea that dementia could appear in so young a person.

Wolf - if I had a penny for every time I had said "Accept the things.......etc" I wouldn't need to be working so damn hard!

[China Doll]

BM - Take of yourself too lady, you carry and do a lot from what I understand. Make sure what you put out and what you get in are more often than not balanced, (they won't always be obviously, we all have tough times). Just look after youself as well as you look after others is all I'm saying. You're a great woman, but you're not super-woman.

[DTCwordfan]

It is good to vent over this, believe me and in the D scenario, that's one of the things what they encourage, i.e, to vent - probably more in privacy in my case.

Just get to the bottom of it and you are at least 1/3rds of the way to there to getting some persepective and management of the issue, if not resolution. And you can always FAO me at any point and we'll find a way to set up an e-exchange (through a dummy address to protect both our addresses)

[dabees]

Hi BM.

As you know I also suffer from depression. I also suffer from short term memory loss. For me it has more to do with blocking things out than to do with medication.

The depression blocks out things that stress you, but not the things that stress you most. Those things consume you and don't allow other things into your mind.

That's just my experience, but I hope it gives some insight to a certain type of depression.

[craft1948]

BM I know memory gets worse as you get older but my memory has certainly taken a dive since I started taking Mirtazapine. If someone rings me to make a date for something I have to write it on the whiteboard in the kitchen straight away else I've no chance of remembering it. The daughter is starting to get pee'd off with me telling her things more than once :-(

[Slooow_Jo]

Its certainly sounds to me too that it could be linked to medication, I think you need to contact his GP & explain the reason he has missed the appointments, but to be honest, with his history of depression I think they were to quick to remove him. & maybe you would be better off finding a new doctor, but for now I'd say better the devil you know & it will be quicker finding a solution with a doc who knows his history.

[LoftyLottie]

Barmaid, Thinking of you. Is he coping OK at work?

It may be worthwhile just having a word with one of his colleagues. Someone you trust very well not to discuss it with anybody else.

Personally, I think his drugs/depression/pressure of work are the most likely cause of this. In Mr LL's case it happened after a major heart attack, as I said, as this is quite a common thing. Mr LL copes at work very well still and remembers important dates etc., but just doesn't remember day to day things or conversations we have. He lacks concentration completely when it comes to mundane things.

I wouldn't personally worry too much about Dementia - especially if he is coping at work with such a major issue. It sounds to me very much as if this is taking priority over everything else in his mind and he just isn't coping very well with more mundane issues.

Dementia affects other things apart from memory, e.g. agitation, change in personality.

Take care of yourself, won't you. xxxxxxxx

[RATTER15]

Your right LL, Dementia is a bit more involved than just memory difficulties usually. I have been following this thread, I work in a dementia unit and Barmaids descriptions are not sounding like a Dementia, worrying none the less! Hope it all works out OK Barmaid. xxx

[Barmaid]

Thanks all. We had a chat last night and he agrees that his memory issue is now at a critical point. He also identified that he lacks focus and the ability to prioritise things - which is not the person I met. He has called the doctor today and they haven't removed him immediately - if he goes in at 2 they "might" be able to see him. I am going too.

We are also going to look at getting him some kind of organiser type thing - probably a blackberry, but I need to be able to link to it too so that I can remind him about stuff!
He's not working at the moment (he was unfairly dismissed over a year ago) and that is a huge pressure for him because he feels he is not providing for his children. I think his "crusade" is a way of filling his time and makes him feel like he is doing something worthwhile. Lofty the lack of concentration on mundane things is absolutely spot on.

He is listening now - I think we've still got a long way to go but at least he is part of the way to accepting that there is an issue.

Thanks for your support guys.

[PringlesQueen]

Thats such a massive step for him (and you). Well done, and good luck.

[seadogg]

Just a couple of simple things. Is there an evening surgery at which you could accompany him and see he attends. Also, our practice has on-line ordering of prescriptions etc. I am a carer and have been through this too so I find both handy. Failing that, is there a good friend who can see he gets there. Sounds like he is in denial at present and understand your difficulty (and what it takes out of you)

[LoftyLottie]

Hope it went well Barmaid!! It sounds more and more like stress and depression to me. No wonder he is depressed and stressed!! From what you have now said, it seems much more likely that it his his situation that has caused the problems. It sounds very similar to what Mr LL has experienced. After the heart attack he had problems with his employer on all sorts of issues. I think sometimes your head sort of shuts down when it has had enough with coping.

If you get a mo. let us know how it went. Not in detail of course. So pleased to hear you have gone together. He needs to recognise how much he needs you at his side through this and not be the big brave soldier!!

xx

[LoftyLottie]

Also Barmaid if he is not working and just concentrating on this 'crusade' he has probably lost sight of appointments, dates and any sort of routine. No wonder he can't focus. As I think I said, Mr LL says he finds it very difficult to concentrate. However, I think things have improved for him since he went back to work and the stresses with his employers eased.