HELP!!! A possible new relationship? Need assistance!!?

[woogyboogy]

Ok just to start, I'm 20 years old, Ill be 21 in July and in January me and my ex-girlfriend broke up after 4 years, she moved 3 hours away and things just weren't working out after we tried for 5 months after she moved away. I recently met this girl in mid February, she is 25 so shes older and more experienced. She had gotten married when she was 19 and got a divorce 7 months later due to abuse and such. I have really strong feelings for this girl but its hard knowing her past. She always broke the news to me that she has slept with 8 guys, me being the 9th. Keep in mind I've only slept with 3 girls (including her). I'm not sure why I cant get over it considering it was in the past, but I always think about how she was married and has slept with 8 guys. I'm just asking for advice because we get along extremely well, and we both like each other a lot. She is always asking me to hang out without me bringing anything up. And when we had slept together, we waited like a month and a half so its not like all she wanted was to sleep with me.


I'm taking it slowly but she is kinda rushing into things, I've told her I'm not ready for a committed relationship but yet she still refers to me as her boyfriend in some situations which is rather awkward. I haven't mentioned anything about being in a relationship like that at all. I really really do like her but its just scary knowing her past history, and the fact that she has already been married makes me really hesitant, But I know thats in the past and it shouldn't bother me, but deep down inside it really gets to me, and same goes with the amount of guys she has slept with. I just don't know what to do at this point and I'm looking for any possible advice.
Give me any opinions GOOD OR BAD!!! Thanks!!!

[johnny.5]

i think you need to get over your own insecurities . she obviously likes you and you her so go with the flow . after all it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all




Am I right ?
I'm not wrong !

[Mamyalynne]

She does sound like she is trying to rush at things, tell her you want to take it one step at a time. You are very young still and as you say she is more experienced, the very fact you have asked here indicates it may be too quick for you. try to slow it down and if she goes off she is not the one for you.
Good luck.

[soaps]

WOW you waited a month and a half, before you slept together.
if she has had 8 or more sex partners she is not the one you want to bring home to meet your parents. She is obviously an "easy lay" and has confirmed that, You sound really insecure.
Get rid of her, sorry if that sounds harsh,

[johnny.5]

sorry i dont agree She is an easy lay ??????????

he had 3 girls in 1 year taking out the time with one partner


she has ha 9 spread over 9 years so who then is the slapper ?

and they waited 6 weeks before sex so let them get on with their lives x

i mean there is nothing wrong with experience . not in the western world anyway !!!


Am I right ?
I'm not wrong !

[woogyboogy]

I actually lost my virginity when i was 16 to a girl i was with for 2 years, and then i got into my long relationship with the girl I had been with for 4 years, and now I'm "kinda" in a relationship with this new girl and we had sex within 2 months or so yes. From what she explains to me about how she used to be when she was younger, she seems like a completely different person now. Its just hard for me to get over the fact that she has slept with 8 other guys when I've taken both the previous girls I've been with virginities. So its a complete change for me and its hard to come to the realizationthat this is pretty common nowadays.

[Mamyalynne]

It is not about when and how you lost your virginity, it is about whether you want a relationship, if you do, then go for it. However you seem unsure, if so hold back.

[woogyboogy]

The girl I'm talking to now was in a long relationship from age 14-21 with the same guy, but supposedly he always cheated on her and was abusive, and she felt like she was trapped so she couldn't find a way out of the relationship. Keep in mind this is also the guy she ended up marrying, but got a divorce 7 months later. So within the ages of 21-25 she has slept with 7 other guys...that is the part that freaks me out. Also something to note, is the fact that she was in a "relationship from December 10'-January11' with this guy and it was a sexual relationship as well. But she said it was the biggest mistake of her life. I always question her and ask her why she was with someone for 7 years if they were abusive and would always cheat on her, and she basically says that she was young, naive, and stupid.

[Mamyalynne]

You seem to be over analysing

[johnny.5]

look mate
she likes you
yuo like her
both put your past s behind you
and treat each other as you would like to be treated
for her being in an abusive relationship from such a young age would shatter any self-confidence she had
she has not hidden anything from you and has been honest
but here you come along a nice guy bt the sounds of it and given her some hope and rekindled her faith in men

so do't be an arse just get together stay together and live long an happy together

[KateRobins]

It really doesn't matter how many people you've slept with in your pasted , when I was a teenager I slept with at least 20 guys which I regret every day but I've changed in the last 5 years I've slept with 1 guy so don't judge her by her past

[woogyboogy]

I could be over analyzing it, but I have to be wary for my own good, I don't want to go into a relationship if its not going to work out. Also she always tells me I'm the one shes been waiting for her whole life and that she has had to go through all her past relationships to get to me, not sure if I can believe it, because any girl could say the same thing to any guy so idk what to think about that.

[China Doll]

I think she should get rid of you personally.

You are judging her and her situation whether you like it or not and your statement about not wanting to get in to a relationship that won't work is utter rubbish as no one knows how a relationship will turn out.

I think she could do better than someone who is wary of her because she had a nasty time in her past which she has been open about.

[redman41]

The past is the past and we all have a History. Don't be judgmental because if she likes you and you feel the same about her just get on with it and see where it all goes.

[RATTER15]

Well you have been sleeping with her so I think she is qualified to refer to you as her boyfriend or maybe you think not?

So you have slept with her and you don't consider her as your girlfriend?

I know where you are coming from, these days unfortunately 8 partners is not that unusual, I myself would struggle with it a little. I know people will say its in the past and none of your business but we cant help the way that we feel.

It can be a bit tough but you will get used to the idea and more importantly just enjoy your relationship.

[wiggal]

She is 25 and slept with 8 guys? Dread to think what some people would think of me then! My fiancé sometimes has issues with my past, not the amount of people but the situations and how it was done, and I have some problems with his past, like he spent 15 years with some c0w and had 2 kids with her, which is what I am desperate for but don't know when it will happen (sounds crazy but my head works in weird ways!)

At the end of the day, it's her past, you should not judge her for it, everyone has their faults if that's how you wish to see it. Just try and get on with it. Look to the future and don't drag up what happened before she even met you!

Ok and breathe.... My waffling is done!

[Canary42]

Ditch her - to save her from such an egocentric as you seem to be.

[jno]

you sound intimidated because she's had more sexual experience than you have - though maybe what you're really worried about is her being older than you. Personally, I don't think this should be a problem - everyone has a history of some sort and it's better to be honest about it than to hide it from partners - but if it's a problem for you, then you should look for someone with a background, and age, more similar to your own.

It isn't a matter of either of you being 'wrong' - just maybe wrong for each other.

[fairycakes69]

I'm confused. You've been with her for a few months, you've slept with her and yet you dont see her as your girlfriend. So what do you see her as? If I was her I would be very upset about it. What in your mind is a relationship? Her past is her past and you will find that people in abusive relationships find it very hard to accept what is happening to them and can take a long time to find a way out, due to the mental abuse. She needs your love and understanding, if your not willing to give her that, then there is no point in being with her. She deserves a lot more than you seem to be willing to give her.