Divorce is it a good thing?

[RATTER15]

Talking to the foreign girls that I work with it appears that the UK have a dreadful reputation for its divorce rate.

I see Divorce as being a good thing, a positive thing.

Divorce is the result of an unhappy marriage and the both partners can make new lives for them selves and often for their children.

I wish my Father had left my Mother when I was born, I was brought up by my Mother, my Father was also living in the same house, he done nothing for me or my siblings he made my Mother so unhappy and she really was such a great lovely Lady. When I reached 18 he left, saying that he couldn't leave until I was 18. Well I wish he had. He contributed nothing to the family apart from a dreadful atmosphere.

If he had left at the breakdown of the relationship, my Mother may have met the lovely man that she deserved, me and my siblings could have had a loving Father.

My Father sticking around was the only negative thing in my childhood!!

What are your thoughts?

[Noraq]

A very interesting question....It's very easy to have an opinion...depending on whether
your marriage was good or bad. I tend to agree with Ratter...but then I speak from experience.
I also think that the vast majority of people who enter the state of Marriage, do so expecting that it will be for life..

[rowanwitch]

for me it was a good thing..but only in hindsight....if I ever marry or enter into sa civil partnership again it will be once all the dealbreakers are resolved....and to someone who I couldn't envisage life without not I could live with...

[woofgang]

I think that divorce can be the lesser of two evils.....a sad necessity.

[redman41]

definitely a good thing RATTER because if the Marriage has hit the buffers it gives both Partners a chance to move on with their lives.
No good being unhappy, and for some unfortunately they could be in a violent relationship which is bad.
I'm Divorced myself as the relationship had just petered out.
Marriage for me at the time as wrong place, wrong time, wrong Woman as I have now realised.

[saxy_jag]

If a couple really cannot get on and live together then divorce can well be the best option for all concerned. My son and his on/off girlfriend both live alone, having both come out of soured relationships with selfish ex-partners. They have figured out, however, that they cannot spend 48 hours in each other's company without seriously getting on each other's nerves, so they keep it casual and semi-platonic and it's all working out very nicely. I think they're both shy of getting hurt and fair dos to the oair of them.

However I do feel that too many people go into relationships and marriages these days with the expectation that it will all be honey and roses and if everything does go t*ts up then "we can easily get a divorce". There seems to be no concept of compromise, of give and take. One or both partners wants it all their way and if they can't get it then that's it - the balloon goes up, towel's chucked in and no attempt is made to find a middle way.

[granny grump]

My father was a distant father and a man's man & I have to say that I don't remember ever having any kind of conversation with him and now it's too late I do miss him. I was 1 of 6 and Mum had a hard time bringing us up especially when Dad came out of the army after 22 years and was in and out of work for a long time. They came very close to divorcing but as the children left home they grew closer together. When he was in hospital just before he died we were there with him and he took Mums hand and said 'When I get out of here I am going to buy your Mum something really useless' Sounds funny but we knew what he meant and I do miss both of them.

I have been marrried 3 times and Grandadgrump & I celebrated our silver wedding 3 years ago - he really is the best thing that ever happened to me

[starone]

Perhaps there is something to be said for not getting married, but living together. And maybe the old saying about once bitten twice shy might apply. The only problem as I see it, is what about the children. I suppose as long as they have a loving and stable background, that may be all that matters. Carrakeel, you and RATTER are very lucky to have found each other. You could have gone through life never finding that one relationship that mattered.

[boxtops]

Well said, starby ;-)

[craft1948]

I wouldn't say divorce was actually good, as I view a divorce as a failure never mind the circumstances. I think divorce can often be a necessary thing.

[RATTER15]

I understand craft, but surely it isn't the Divorce that's failed, its the marriage that failed and a Divorce is the way to a new beginning, a new start.

I would never suggest that a Divorce is something to celebrate, Whilst many would, I'm sure.
I have found both of my Divorces very upsetting but I saw them as being a relief, I could now leave that chapter behind and move forward.

[rowanwitch]

Sadly I found someone who I had an instant attraction to, we laughed, were comfortable together,and I still think the world of... but I think it was right person but wrong time.... I will probably regret ending the relationship for the rest of my life but I could only see pain and sadness down the line and he was too precious for me to take such a huge gamble....he is worth more than that and I only hope he will meet the person he desrves

[RATTER15]

Rowan, that is so sad! the fact that you have replied in this thread suggests that a Divorce may have helped this situation? I may be wrong.

[rowanwitch]

No but I suspect had the relationship continued to marriage it would have ended up in one.... I was in the process of trying to move on from a relationship I was sure was over at the time though

[RATTER15]

Oh what a tangled web we weave. Sometimes life can be very confusing.

I'm very fortunate to have found my soul mate in Carakeel.

[redman41]

My Soulmate lives on RATTER, and wherever she goes in life memories of her will live with me forever. I love her dearly, she may end up in someone else's arms but I think that we both know deep down that we were meant to be together.
Too many obstacles at present but where there is hope there is always a way.

[joko]

i agree.
there is no shame in making a mistake, admitting it and rectifying it - we all do it.
why should we waste a big chunk of your only life with someone who feels nothing for you and makes you miserable.
theres nothing to be proud of by just tolerating it and suffering it out until you die - no-one will congratulate you on your deathbed for it...

the old fashioned stigma that used to be attached has thankfully gone now

i left 2 colleges in the middle of courses - and although its not really the same thing, a number of people viewed it as a failure on my part and i was a quitter - as though i was weak and couldnt cope with it - rather than the simple fact was the courses were not what id thought theyd be, not right for me, were teaching me something i didnt really want to learn and would never use and more to the point going to cost me a lot of money and time if i pointlessly continued....
i suppose some people have that sort view of divorce...

[Brinjal]

Marriage should be a partnership so when that partnership breaks down divorce is the answer. Marriage is not ment to be a life sentence