Hi, advice needed please?? x

[lylabellablueyes]

My mum has been applying for jobs for the past year, but unfortunately hasn't got one yet.

This is her covering letter with any emails she has sent: -

Good Morning,

Please find attached my CV in relation to the position I have seen advertised on the Job Website.

I have experience in dealing with customers over the telephone and face to face on a daily basis. I have a polite, confident and professional manner that feel would fit within this role.

I am a hard worker and have a very flexible approach to my work. Given the opportunity, I can be an excellent worker and asset to the company.

I am available to start work immediately and can work any hours.

I hope to hear from you.

Many thanks

What do you think? Can it be improved?

[redcrx]

looks good to me. Only ever put brief details in a covering letter, and expand on those attributes in the CV.

[NOX]

She's doing nothing wrong- I'd give her a look with a covering letter like that- just keep trying. Hope she does okay.

[Old_Geezer]

I'm no expert but to me it reads well, doesn't ramble, gets to the point.

IMO any more persuasive stuff should be in the CV rather than the covering letter.

Maybe I might query why your mum has to have the opportunity to be an excellent worker and not be one all the time :-)

[starone]

Few jobs and many applicants is the trouble. The letter looks fine to me. Nicely written and to the point.

[lylabellablueyes]

Thanks guys.

LOL Old_geezer. Does that mean it sounds daft :-)

It means, given the chance, she'd be a great worker. How else could that part be worded?

[marval]

I agree with Old_geezer, not sure I would put I can be an excellent worker. It does rather give the impression that she isn't always. I might put, I am an excellent worker and could be an asset to your company. But that is just my opinion, otherwise it is very good.

[fliptheswitch]

If I'm completely honest, I don't think this letter is very professional. Firstly, switch the "Good morning" to "Dear sir/Madam/Mr...."
I would also put something in there about having the right skills and experience required for this role, rather than just saying you are polite and confident.
I would also leave out the "hard worker" bit and also the "I am available to start work immediately and can work any hours".
Maybe change that for something like " I am available for interview at your convenience and, due to having no other work commitments, I am very flexible with regards to working hours"... or something like that.
End the letter with something along the lines of "I look forward to hearing from you shortly. Yours sincerely...."
"Many thanks" sounds a bit casual.

Also, maybe follow up every email with a call, a couple of days later.

Hope this helps :)

[grasscarp]

I am a hard worker and have a very flexible approach to my work. Given the opportunity, I can be an excellent worker and asset to the company.

This is repeating itself. Would change to "I am a hard worker with a very flexible approach to requirements and given the opportunity I could be an asset to your company. (and here you could even change to the company name like an asset to Matalan.....)

[fliptheswitch]

Agree with grasscarp there. Definitely put the company name in the letter, as otherwise it looks like you just churn out the same bog standard letter to everyone.

[fliptheswitch]

This is a good site, which has examples of covering letters. I would use one of these, and tweak it.
Whilst I understand the approach your Mum has gone for (friendly) it's not very professional. She needs to sell herself better! :)

[fliptheswitch]

http://www.totaljobs....-write-a-cover-letter

[chrissa1]

Ditto flipswitch and grasscarp.

[lylabellablueyes]

Thanks guys. Ill change it x