Should children decide which parent they want to live with in divorce

[phototest]

My wife and I are splitting up. I would like the children to decide if they want to live with me or their mother with the right to change mind at a later stage. I know it will be a difficult decision, but considering that they are responsible teenagers (one 15 years old and one sixth former) no one will be better placed to take that decision for them.

My wife wants a judge to decide for us (I suspect she fears that the children don't want to stay with her). What is the practise in the UK? Is it reasonable to expect a 15 year old to decide for himself?

[ummmm]

A judge will go along with what the teenagers want.

[sophie_1003]

I think that even if it goes to a judge the child's request is taken into account; with older children I imagine their wishes would hold more weight than younger children so either way it won't be take completely out of their hands.

[ummmm]

A judge won't rule against a 15 year old unless they are vulnerable in some way.

[ummmm]

When will the 15 year old turn 16?

[ummmm]

I was going to say what Doc said as well. If a 15 year old left home to live with the other parent...they won't be returned home.

[dave50]

You and your wife should agree between you beforehand that whatever the children and the judge decide, you should both agree to abide by it with no bitterness, recriminations or emotional blackamail. Above all the children should see that you are both happy with whatever they decide, for their sakes at least.

[k8bailey]

please try to settle it between yourselves! Your kids will always be your babies but they're almost adults....a judge will go along with their wishes but why put them through the stress of having it go to court?

My parents split up when i was 15, hearing my father fight and threaten over the 'custody' my brother and I was a horrible experience. We didn't want to live with our father, and were terrified that we'd be forced too.

[k8bailey]

I realise that you said it was your wife who wants to go to court....didn't mean to sound like I was having a go at you!

[STIDW]

There is no reason why parents shouldn't consult children of any age and listen carefully to the children’s feelings and concerns when they divorce. However, it should be done sensibly with their best interests in mind and children should not be made to feel that they are porns in a battle between two parents. Children who choose one parent over the other shoulder an enormous amount of guilt and tend to have emotional and behavioural problems later in life.

[samak]

^^
I think "pawns" would read a bit better...

[samak]

But at least we know what your hobby is :-)

[trt]

I don't think a judge should decide, he dosent know anything about your family, sort it out between you, your wife and the children!

[calicosrcool]

Two things: My parents are splitting up, also. (For the record, I'm only 10, so for some extent I know what your children are going through) My next-door neighbor's parents split up a few years ago. what they did was (I'm also doing this) they swapped, every week. (they were able to get extremely close homes, as in a 10 minute drive to the dad and 10 minute drive to mom) Ask your children if they'd like that. My neighbor's say it's "a great way to go, because mom and dad can both come to our sports and stuff,"
Two: Sorry to hear about your divorce!