my marriage is falling apart, i have 2 year old daughter

[goldenbolls]

cards on the table here. if you,ve nothing positive to say then i appreciate it if you would keep your views to yourself, im not looking sympathy only advice as relate is out of the question as wife will definately not go. i am not an angel , ive been drinking all my life usually only weekends (beer only ) allways been a hard worker but now jobless, we have a beautifull 2 yr old baby girl who is my world, wife is hep b carrier and i also have it , specialist told me last week my liver is very god (amazing ) anyway we dont have a sex life mainly because my wife has a vicious violent filthy mouth on her and i remember her when she behaves like this and it puts me against her, every month i have to deal with her womans problems "here we go again tut tut " :-( i have spent all my savings in last 2 years on house and car etc , holidays 3 times a year etc, im going to walk away skint. how can i hold this together ? let me hear it from woman, what can i do ? she ok for a few days then its back to mayhem. i cannot walk away from my kid i would rather be dead only for her.

[B00]

Is the child safe with her? If not i'd be deeply worried about leaving her alone with your wife.

And I don't think anyone would say anything negative to you?

[goldenbolls]

should add sex life is dull and boring, no roleplay, no passion, ive lost it and i think she has too, we had a great weekend last week together but yesterday she went off on one for no reason whatsoever, its as if something has clicked inside and away she goes, she on fluxatine now for around 4 weeks, hope they start working, at start of our marriage she was funny and easy going. i still love her !!!

[goldenbolls]

she is a good mother and loves our baby but she is careless, last month wife was ironing on floor with a towel down and our baby was playing near i told my wife to take care 5 mins later when downstairs i heard a scream, bay had put her hand on the iron and it left a massive blister on her wee hand, i feel she is too lax at times and yes i do worry about this.

[redcrx]

having lived with a man who only drank at weekend, but drank a lot, i can understand the strain that would put on a relationship (mine fell apart but we had no kids thank god)
you and your wife (from what i can see from your previous questions) do not agree on many things to do with bringing baby up but surely at some point you were a couple? Women do change when they have a child, priorities do shift but both partners have to be prepared to make an effort in the relationship.
without seeing both sides of the story it will be difficult for anyone to advise what you should do, but please keep your childs feelings at top of this. She will pick up on bad feelings within the home. 3 holidays a year dont mean much when your parents dont like each other :(
I think that you need to sit down, get a babysitter for evening and go out to a quiet place where you can talk (not drink). Lay your cards on the table and try and find out what you both want and need from each other.
good luck.

[anneasquith]

is it possible for just the 2 of you to sit quietly and have a " talk " about the issues ? it is not unusual for one partner to attend "relate" , they may well be abe to give you some advice.

[goldenbolls]

i think its really a silly question i have asked at the spare of the moment when feeling down, i know its going to end , its inevitable i think, i just cant bear to lose another child, i was married before and that fell apart ( lucky guy) i see my 2nd daughter who is 15 from time to time but its just not the same, i blame myself too, its not only one sided, it never is , is it. she went off on one this morning even after i put my arm around her and tried to give her a tickle and a bit of humour, ranting and cursing in front of the child again, i told her to stop her mouth, thern i sat and ignored her. she went off on one yesterday and i took myself out, yes to the bar, had about 5 pints and came home, spoke to my friend who,s a phycologist and works in mental health , he is going to sit down with her and have a talk tonight. he had a talk with me last night, i need to learn to shut up myself and not rise to her when she blows up, any other advise ladies ? i think if i bought her a bunch of flowers shes smack me over the head with them ;-)

[redcrx]

my advice? stop the drinking. Running away to have 5 pints when upset will just give her something else to be annoyed with.
Let it be the first thing that you try to do to save your family

[Francis Asis]

Perhaps give the Fluxatine a chance to work. They can take a few weeks to get into the system and then suddenly you see the world differently.

[DEN53]

Sounds like you both have issues that need to be addressed, goldenbolls - yours is the drinking and hers is PMT. She may also be suffering from depression. Severe cases of PMT can be horrendous - a perfectly sane person can turn in the blink of an eye. You say she was fine when you first started your relationship, but since then you have had a baby, and the PMT has appeared to have got worse. Some people always make light of PMT, and some even don't think it exists, but believe me it does. I speak from experience.

Don't put pressure on your wife for a perfect sex life, as frustrating as it is, this is the last thing she needs.

You say you are jobless at the moment, so you are around the house all day, this is also another flash point, with being in each other's pockets.

I hope you can sort the problems out, and get your relationship back on track, but your wife does need help with the PMT.

Den xx

[fliptheswitch]

The only advice I would give, would be to end this relationship now, for the sake of your child. I know you don't want to "lose" your daughter, but it wouldn't have to come to that.
A child should not have to be in an environment like this, surely you must realise that. Your wife does sound as though she's got a few issues going on, with anger and possibly mental health. Forget about the sex-life problems, it's not important right now. What's important is providing your child with a loving and caring home, free from this madness.
I have to agree with one of the comments already made, is your wife really ok to be looking after this child full-time? You say the poor mite burnt her hand on an iron not so long ago. Sure, accidents do happen, but it does sound like this child could be more likely to hurt herself than in the average family household. I would sort this situation out now, before you get people like social services wanting to get involved... which could very easily happen, what with all the shouting and screaming that's going on.
I do feel quite sorry for you, as you obviously want what's best for your little girl. However, you need to stop this going down the pub for 5 pints, when things get too much.
There's no point in telling you to sit down and talk, as I think you've already made your mind up and realise this relationship is probably over.
Does your wife work? Maybe it's the stress of you being unemployed that has started this off? Money worries can put an awful strain on even the best of relationships.
I would stop fretting about the non-important things (your bitterness towards being skint and the non-existent sex life) and start to concentrate on what is really important here... your child. It's not fair on her and you really do need to put her first in this messy situation.
Good luck :)

[fliptheswitch]

Actually, having just read DEN's comments regarding PMT, this made me think. Maybe your wife has been suffering with postnatal depression? I agree, get her to see her GP.

[Dee Sa]

You have made the first positive step, you know theres a problem you havent buried your head in the sand, you have spoken to someone who is also going to talk to your wife and if she will listen and take note you should then, maybe, be able to sit down together and hopefully work things out for the sake of your baby daughter if not for yourselves.
Its not going to happen overnight and there will be setbacks but keep working on it.I hope you find a job soon but I know that part isnt easy either and you must both worry over mortgage etc and that in itself causes tension on both sides.
I do hope things get better, good luck for the future.
Dee