ChatterBank3 mins ago
Are there any jokes which aren't cruel?
25 Answers
All jokes seem to be hurtful - they make their subject look foolish in some way.
Can you suggest a nice kind one?
(excluding puns, witticisms and the like)
Can you suggest a nice kind one?
(excluding puns, witticisms and the like)
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A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade."
Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree. Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms Brooks: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Harry: Coconut
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.
Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
Harry: Bubblegum
Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?"
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer:
Harry: Shake hands
Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions,okay?
Harry: Yep.
Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Harry: Tent
Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless and bit tense.
Harry: Wedding Ring
Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Harry: Nose
Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Harry: Arrow
Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?
Harry: Firetruck
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."
Ms Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade."
Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree. Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms Brooks: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Harry: Coconut
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.
Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
Harry: Bubblegum
Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?"
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer:
Harry: Shake hands
Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions,okay?
Harry: Yep.
Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Harry: Tent
Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless and bit tense.
Harry: Wedding Ring
Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Harry: Nose
Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Harry: Arrow
Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?
Harry: Firetruck
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."
my hubby has gone blind due to his diabetes, jokes about the blind didnt bother me before but they do now, its bad enough trying to cope with this situation and its certainly no joke. We had a dear friend who would save up his blind jokes to tell us , he probably didnt mean any harm but we dont ask him round anymore.
Walter Raleigh returns from the Americas with his new discovery - he passs it to Queen Elizabeth -
"Your Magesty, please place one end in your mouth, light the other end, and inhale the smoke."
Her Majesty complies, and affirms, "This tastes terrible, what is it"
"It`s a potato ..." is the reply from Sir Walt.
Eye thenk yaou!!!!
"Your Magesty, please place one end in your mouth, light the other end, and inhale the smoke."
Her Majesty complies, and affirms, "This tastes terrible, what is it"
"It`s a potato ..." is the reply from Sir Walt.
Eye thenk yaou!!!!
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