sibling rivalry

[Snafu03]

my 16 year old stepdaughter is ridiculously cruel to our 6 year old daughter. she's never got a kind word to say to her, purposely taunts the dog with her toys knowing he'll destroy them, goes out of her way to wind her up. This is pretty much all the time, she doesnt really have spates of being nice to her. Will shout at her if she touches anything belonging to her, but anything of the youngsters is fair game to abuse.

We try not to get upset by it, but I'm worried it will cause a wedge between them in later years.

She obviously has alot of resentment issues, coupled with usual teenage hormone things which I can kind of understand but at the same time it doesnt make for a harmonious family life.

We are aware of spending equal time with both children and one doesnt get things without the other. Maybe she doesnt see it like that?

Is this often the case? and how would you handle it.

[woofgang]

I would tell the sixteen year old to behave or get out.......

[Snafu03]

lol, woof, bit harsh but sometimes it does make you feel like that. would like to see if theres a way to mediate first!

[vodkancoke]

I take it you are married to her father? Can't he lay down the law with her?

[LoftyLottie]

Difficult situation. Can you not sit down and discuss it with her in a friend to friend way, rather than a stepmother/child. Or could her father take her to one side and discuss it with her. Does the 16 year old get plenty of free time to herself or is the six year old always about? Can you ensure that both t here rooms are out of bounds to the other sibling.

[mazie]

I'd give her things to the dog and see ho she liked it. Have you sat her down and asked her why she's being such a bully to a little girl?

[tamborine]

cuckoo nesting....get the teen in line or tease her with cuckoo call.

[Snafu03]

i'm the stepfather. Whats 'cuckoo call' Tambo?

[vodkancoke]

Sorry, I shouldnt have assumed! Can her mother then not sit her down mother to daughter and have a converstaion with her?

[LoftyLottie]

Are you ensuring that your stepdaughter gets the priviledges that the little one doesn't, like ensuring she gets to feel more adult than child? The little one should realise too that a grown up sister might be able to do things that she isn't allowed to. These are just suggestions, I am not saying you are doing things wrong.

[Snafu03]

it has been mentioned to her by us. she got into some trouble at school a few months back and resulted in talking to the school councillor. It was identified she had resentment issues with our 6 year old. It cant be easy seeing her sister enjoying a full mum/dad relationship when her Dad is only interested in seeing her as long as it doesnt cost him too much.

She's off to college in Sept so I'm hoping she'll do a bit more growing up and develop other interests and a new circle of friends that'll take her mind off it.

[tamborine]

http://www.rspb.org.u...dguide/name/c/cuckoo/

[LoftyLottie]

You sound like a very understanding Step Dad, who understands her problems and yes, I think once she starts college she will grow up and have far more interests outside the home.

But please make sure they both have their private places ;o)

[LoftyLottie]

I am totally confused by Tambo!!

[tamborine]

cuckoo chicks throw the host chicks out of the nest so they can have the attention - get it ?

[lcg]

lock her out of the house...and tell her she can live elsewhere until she gets a life. even on a park bench...x