Need to speak to my son about him possibly having Aspergers

[annie0000]

We have an appointment with the psychologist on Wednesday to discuss my 10 year old son potentially being diagnosed with High Functioning Aspergers. Still on the fence regarding whether he has it or not. My view is that he may have it but the issue is more around him losing confidence after a prolonged period of bullying. The school psychologists report makes him sound like he is extremely rigid in his behaviour and has no sense of humour and never smiles. I obviously cannot comment on his behaviour at school, but that is certainly not the boy that I know at home. She also neglects to mention anything about the bullying - like the school, she seems to want to deny that it happened. We have previously explained to my son that we were speaking to some people to see if we could get him some help to be a bit more confident and he is happy with this. However, spoke to the psychologist that we will be seeing on the phone today and he would like us to tell him that he may have Aspergers before we see him on Wednesday as he doesn't want that to come as a surprise if it comes up during the chat. Not to sure that I want to worry him about something that may not be right. Bit unsure what to do now. :o(

[annie0000]

Awww thanks Bummie - he is a wee star - he might be a weirdo, but he's MY weirdo!! ;o) - only kidding!!! I took all his school reports with me to the appointment and was just having a flick through as I was filing them away again. I can't believe sometimes what clever, good kids I have. Also just checked his absence records - 2 days off in P1, half a day in P2 and no absences at all in P3,P4,P5 and P6 - how great is that!?

[sherrardk]

He sounds like a good kid - I know we all think our kids are great though! Hope everything works out and he gets the help he needs.

[annie0000]

thanks sherr - we only think that cos it's true!!

[anneasquith]

a nice wee boy, with good parents, :) good luck.

[annie0000]

Thanks anne x - last day of school tomorrow so we are looking forward to our holidays so we can all take a break and draw a line under this whole situation - some summer weather would be nice!

[jelliecat]

glad it went well - professionally I'm involved in assessment and diagnosis of children who may be on the autistic spectrum (it's a really wide spectrum!) and often come across children who are 'borderline' or only have difficulties in one area of their life. With these children we often don't make a diagnosis unless there's some gain to making it (for example specific input from a specialist teacher, or if the child themselves want to understand better why they feel 'different'). We sometimes find that these children return for further assessment at secondary school, when social demands can be more complex. If you are worried in the future, don't be afraid to ask for another assessment if you think it might help - but on the other hand, it's good not to have a 'label' if you don't need one!

[annie0000]

thanks jellie - the chap said that we may feel differently in the future and want to go back to have him assessed if he was having further difficulty - even as an adult - there are definitely some traits there, but he seems a lot happier so I don't see the need for now. He felt that if he can get the right teacher at high school to nurture his talent in English then he would feel more fulfilled and that some of the less acceptable behaviours might be less marked. We'll see and keep an eye on him. It definitely sounds like he would be one of those borderline kids. We have always had the view that there is something with him that doesn't sit quite right, but not enough to cause him real difficulties outwith school. He does however have a good sense of humour, is never afraid to try new things and loads of stuff that just doesn't fit with the rigid behaviour that he can have in terms of his organising his desk and his routine in the cloakroom. His friend from school was astonished that he can be so messy at home when he is so particular at school! Thanks again.

[Kassee]

Anybody would loose confidence if they are bullied, and to be honest you wouldn't smile much or have a sense of humour - your life could be hell if you are bullied at school.

I think the bullying needs to be addressed first. I would want my child to tell me what was happening every day, go to the head teacher, and if you have no joy there I would speak to the governors.

Some schools deal with bullying very well, and some don't. Whether he has Aspergers or not - he should not be bullied. He will learn to live with Aspergers, as we all have to learn to live with ourselves.

I think telling him needs to be handled very sensitively = can you find some books for him to read. Tell him about people who are famous with Aspergers, like Michael Jackson, Bill Gates and Andy Warhol. They say people with Aspergers, usually have a gift, and are really gifted at something, like Art, music, computers etc.

It is very difficult to diagnose anyway - but bullying is bullying and that needs to stop.

[annie0000]

Thanks Kassee. the bullying does seem to have stopped now - he has a great teacher who he trusts so I expect that the improvements we have seen at home will start to be seen in school too and he'll get some confidence back. The psychologist chap is going to give them some specific ways to deal with some of his "ways" that'll hopefully help. As you say diagnosis would not be easy as he is considered borderline by everyone. He seems a happy chappy at the moment anyway and even ventured a bit of indignant backchat the other day which brought a smile to my face - i'll not give him too much leeway for long though ;o). The important thing is that he knows he has family and friends that love him for who he his and he has a bright future ahead of him - too damned clever that boy! lol.

I am sure I remember you on another thread sharing that you were bullied as a child, I hope that you have managed to put that behind you too. x