I went into the Shell gas station this morning and asked the employee for £15 worth of gas.

[Groupie]

He farted and gave me a receipt.

[mike11111]

I remember the phrase "dropping your guts" from my RAF days.

[Prudie]

launch an air biscuit, never heard that one before LOLOLOL love it

[To-Ryscum]

Bowel Bugle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kY-10i_nEXU

[JonnyBoy12]

I went to the doctor's today with a combination of flatulence and indigestion. The doctor told me the correct name for this is Fartburn!

[askyourgran]

Bottom burps and air biscuits are the mildest sort, and excusable imho, it is dropping ones guts and thunderbritches which should be punishable.

[Bobbisox]

botty burps tis better :-)

[To-Ryscum]

I"ve whistled in me Y-fronts,i"ve just let one off - loooooool :o)

[cupid04]

my sister calls them love puffs!

[mike11111]

"Love puffs!" Anyone remember the hilarious thread on here last year about Queefs?

[cupid04]

No, do enlighten us?

[mike11111]

http://www.theanswerb...516.html#.TkwmumGnoow

[DTCwordfan]

Types of Fart - to get some of the teminology clear....

ALZHEIMER FART
Gets lost on the way to your anus, and turns back and comes out your throat (a.k.a. burp)

ARROGANT FART
"My farts don't stink", or "Girls don't fart".

ARTSY FART
A true work of art. Major points from the judges for smell, color, texture, and longevity.

ASSAULT FART
Louder than bombs, with flames shooting out your ass.

BEER FARTS
After consuming large amounts of beer, your body turns into a still, and the fermentation process continues.

BRAIN FART
You need to fart, but you suffer from a mental block.

DONKEY FART
Comes from an ass and honks.

GHOST FART
The ones you lay in your sleep that don't make a sound and don't smell.

HOME ALONE FART
The loud, smelly ones you lay in the comfort of your own home.

JAIL FART
Stuck inside you all day, then makes its escape as soon as you get home from work.

NOT ME FART
Releasing the hounds in public, and blaming it on someone else.

OLD FART
Very ripe and pungent, comes without warning, and makes your hemorrhoids flap.

SHOE FART
You bend over to tie your shoe laces and Oops!

TANK FART
Your farts can also be used as gas.

TIRE FART
A real blow-out.

U.F.O. FART
When someone else releases a NOT ME FART.

[Prudie]

And NOT FUNNY FART
unbelievably loud ones done by sleeping partner at 3 in the morning

[mike11111]

Loud ones are harmless. It's the SBDs you need to worry about.

[boxtops]

shame there's no YouTube of Ivor Biggun, but here are the words:

http://freespace.virg.../lyrics_ivefarted.txt