Her husband is a waste of space.

[Kallie-Rose]

My best friend has been with her husband since the end of 2007, he was great when they first met, he was smart, clever, witty and working. Then they married in December 2009 and since then he has completely changed, he's gone scruffy, lazy, hasn't worked since July 2009 and isn't doing anything about it. I feel so sorry for my friend, she's expecting their first child and is 30 weeks pregnant and is working full time so they can pay the bills. I really want to say something to her husband, to try and get him to change and realise he needs to provide for his family. Should I talk to him?

[Buenchico]

Talking to him might help, but only if you recognise that he's probably suffering from mental health problems and needs support rather than criticism. (You've just described the classic symptoms of depression).

Chris

[chopperz]

"I really want to say something to her husband, to try and get him to change"
What about..."im an interfeering old tw*t"

[Mamyalynne]

By all means speak to him, but as Chris says be cautious and approach it in a supportive way,try to fathom why he has slipped down like this.

maybe offer to help him write letters for jobs etc, he may well have sunk into despair.

[Mamyalynne]

Very helpful chopperz, are you in counselling??

[Maydup]

It's most likely this change is related to his lack of employment. As Chris says it sounds like depression. With that in mind what is it you want to say to him?

[maclarencat]

Although I wouldnt go as far as chopperz I would advise caution. Has your friend asked you to speak to him? Does she even want you to? She may be quite happy with the way things are and there may be reasons for his behaviour that you know nothing about. I am sure you are just trying to be a good friend but speak to our friend first.

[Postdog]

no, just be there for your friend IF necessary

[welshlibranr]

I would wait, not speak to him, maybe he's already struggling to cope!....be supportive to them both, and see how things pan out!...

[LM-1234]

Not your place, you don't say if your friend has expressed concern to you. If not, then leave well alone. You don't know what their situation is, they may have everything sorted. They're not likely to tell you everything they have planned for the future. Focus on your own life and relationships. If your friend comes to you and needs a shoulder to cry on then be there for her. Otherwise stay out of other people's marriages.

[Jemisa]

And how are you going to get him to change? He knows the situation, he's probably trying in his own way. Don't rock the boat here it could cause trouble between husband & wife. If you want to help give as much support as you can. Be thankful there's a welfare system in this country that will help. Remember, If in doubt, Keep Out.

jem

[ChocolatChip]

I would advise similarly to LM, you can never be certain of what goes on behind closed doors. So it's probably best to keep your mouth shut, as tempting as it might be. I'd probably be more inclined to suggest that you talk to and support your friend.
It is her place to talk to him and tell him to get a job or help for any problems he may be suffering from. Not yours.

[joko]

i doubt you would help the situation.

your tone clearly shows what you think of him and going in there interefering with useless stuff like 'sort yourself out' and pull yourself togtether wont help

[trt]

'' Then they married in December 2009 and since then he has completely changed, he's gone scruffy, lazy, hasn't worked since July 2009 and isn't doing anything about it ''

So she married him when he was out of work according to your dates.

Dont interfere, its her problem not yours!