bullying

[whatwhat]

Hi just wondered if I could try and get some advice. My little boy has just started year 2. He is a very sensitive little thing and easily hurt (physically and mentally) He goes to a lovely little village school, but obviously, boys being boys, there are kids that can say mean things.
There is one boy in particular whose name gets mentioned quite a lot by my son, for name calling and generally not being very nice. Iv seen this little boy with my son and there is a definite disliking to my son.
Iv spoken to my sons teacher who has promised to keep an eye out for it, and I actually spoke to the boys mum today, who insured me that her boy was sensitive and wouldnt be meaning to hurt him..
I dont know if iv made things worse by telling teachers as I believe that they will say to the other boy that my son has said something and then this could make the situation worse for him. My little boy wont stick up for himself and im worried that he is going to be seen as an easy target.
Does any one have any advice on what we should do, and how to help our son. I know that this isnt a massive case of bullying, but im so scared its going to escalate over the years and I dont want him to become a victim. Thank you from a worried mum!

[ummmm]

I would leave it to the teachers for the time being. When my daughter was being 'picked on' I made her teacher aware....who nipped it in the bud pretty sharpish.

[sherrardk]

Ask the school for a copy of their anti-bullying policy and make sure that they follow it.

[chelle7272]

Yes I agree with ummmm. You've done the right thing. At that age the teachers are pretty good at dealing with it.

[ummmm]

It's not exactly bullying though, is it? It's kids being cruel....which is what many children do.

[whatwhat]

Thats a good idea. sherrardk, I will do that. Ummmm, I would like to think things will get nipped in the bud, hence the fact that I told the teachers.. im just scared its going to make things worse... if the other boys gets pulled up for it and told off.. maybe he would take that out on my son.. or make the boy think my son cant deal with it himself, therefore making him an easy target...

[whatwhat]

I totally agree ummmm.. I just wondered how to help my son to stop it escalating.. and wonder whether telling the teacher over a little bit of name calling was really the right thing to do.. when really we want to tell him to retaliate himself.. but its just not in his nature.

[ummmm]

You done the right thing. The teacher 'should' keep an eye on the situation. If it carried on, remind him/her about your previous convo on the subject.

They do change as they get older. I had a little sensitive soul of a boy....he's completely different now.

[whatwhat]

Thats nice to hear (I think!!) thank you!

[andy-hughes]

Don't panic whatwhat - you did the right thing.

My wife was head of a primary school, and always talked of concerned mums asking about bullying - intentional or not.

From your perspective, you want to do everything to protect your child - even if the bullying is not intentional, it still does damage, and needs to be stopped.

Teachers have masses of experience in this area, and will know how to deal with it in every situation.

The teacher would never go to the perceived bullying child and say anything like "I've had Mrs whatwhat in here saying you are bullying whatwaht junior, so pack it in....!" they are far too clever and sensitive for that.

Your teacher may have a quiet word with the child involved about being nice to everyone, and how not everyon plays like him - along those lines. If the bullying persists, they will make the message a little stronger, and so on, until it sinks in.

So give the teachers a few days to implement this practise, and keep discreet tabs on your son - asking how his school day was, without any mention of behaviour - he will tell you if its still going on.

If you think it is still happening, have another word with the teacher, who will be happy to take on board your concerns.

It's part of growing into the school society, and it's not always easy for sensitive children - I've got one, and I was one so i know!

With regular co-operation with the school, you'll be able to steer your child through, and remember, it's all new and upsetting for you, but teachers do this for a living, so they will sort it out - promise!

[ummmm]

It is :-)

[annie0000]

Unless this boy is also being insensitive to other children and therefore just needs a bit of guidance, then it is bullying. He is deliberatley picking out one child and making him miserable. You did the right thing and i'd keep a close eye on it before it gets to be a habit.

Make sure your son has other friends and that he tells you or his teacher if there are any other incidents.

Having dealt with bullying and its affects on my son for the past 3 and a half years, I wouldn't let it slide.

The longer it goes on for the more affect it will have on your son's self esteem and confidence and then it makes it harder for him to fight back.

Probably at the level it is at at the moment, i'd encourage your son to say to the boy "that's not a nice thing to say and it makes me not want to play with you anymore". to see if he gets the message that nice behaviour is welcome and nasty behaviour isn't.

[jkelly24]

Does your son do any out of school activities? This could help boost his confidence because unfortunately the best way to nip this in the bud is for him to stand up for himself. Teachers can help to a certain extent but a time comes when they have to face the world without teachers there for support. Martial arts classes worked to help build my sons confidence and also beavers and cub scouts.