teenagers

[nurse1967]

I have just discovered that my 15 year old daughter took my debit card from my bag and took it to a cash machine to try and withdraw cash. She put in the wrong pin number and therefore failed to withdraw any money. I had no idea until I tried to withdraw some cash and the cash machine stated that too many incorrect pin numbers had been entered. I phoned up my bank and they were able to tell me that on 4 occassions 120 pounds had been requested but failed. When questioned she was in total denial but when I stated that all cash machines have CCTV she came clean. What shall I do? I do not know how to go about punishing her. I know that whatever I do she will make my life a misery. Shoud I take her to the police station as a shock tactic? I just don't know what to do.
Any advice

[vehelpfulguy]

Well I guess there are 2 issues here.

1) The moral one of trying to steal off her mother. Why did she do it, what does she need the money for, why didn't she ask you.

You can only solve this by sitting down and talking to her. Maybe she feels ignored, or maybe her friends have money and she does not, maybe she is trying to get money to run away.

Dont get heavy or angry with her, ask her to open up without you shouting. Give her a chance to tell you about her problems, life can be difficult as a 15 year old. Listen.

2) The criminal one of trying to use a debit card that was not hers. Here she needs a bit of a shock tactic. Maybe ask the police if a female policewoman can come and have a chat with her.

The policewoman can let her know the dangers of going down the wrong path. Let her know how easy it is to get caught (the CCTV in the bank machine, CCTVs in shop, plain clothes detectives walking round shops etc).

The dangers of getting involved in drink or drugs, or of running away from home. What life is like in borstal or prison, how it can be diffcult to get a job if you have been involved with the police.

That might be shock enough for her.

Good luck.

[Morrisonker]

She wouldn't be trying to taking the money if she didn't need it. I hope it isn't something someone would do just for the hell of it. A sit down and a talk about money might help, ask exactly what she needed it for, why she felt she couldn't ask you for a loan/whatever she wanted.

If she's going to make your life a misery whatever you do then i suggest you take serious action, it is a serious problem and you can't just let her off with a telling off. I'm afraid the actual punishment is up to you, i wouldn't dare suggest what you should. I know she's only 15, but maybe she could get a parttime job, and in the words of the old cliche, that might teach her the value of money?

[Kat213]

I think the main concern is what she wanted the money for. I agree, you will need to sit down and have a good talk to her to make sure theres not a more serious underlying problem such as drugs or bullying of some sort. I think she must be pretty desperate to take your debit card and try to use it.

Whatever its about, I do also think that you will need to punish her just to show her that she can't get away with such behaviour. As to what form that punishment will take, well..... that has to be up to you. You know what will teach her a lesson.

Good luck, I have a 15 year old and I know how difficult they can be!

[mycatis]

I'm a bit concerned that you seem to be scared to punish her! "she will make my life a misery!" What!? You have to get n top of this quickly, are there other issues in the home?

[smudge]

nurse1967 - I can't really add much more to the very helpful replies you've received. However, I would tend to go along with all the suggestions in vehelpfulguy's excellent post.

This situation must be very worrying for you, so keep your chin up & good luck for the future.

[smudge]

I hope everything is sorting itself out now nurse1967.