We commisioned a garden bench.

RATTER15 | 18:34 Wed 31st Aug 2011 | ChatterBank

108 Answers

A few weeks ago we were talking to a retired Gentleman who offered to make us a lovely garden bench, he impressed us with his banter of:

"I make them the old fashioned way, I dont use any nails or screws, and you just pay for the wood"

We jumped at it, he said I will put your names on a heart in the middle (not really our type of thing but that's what he want to do for us) anyway yesterday he phoned up and said it was finished could he bring it around to the house.

We were so pleased to be getting this lovely garden bench, made by a true craftsman :-)

He was so delighted to present us with it, he looked so proud!!

OH DEAR!!!! http://s106.photobuck...RATTER15/The%20bench/

Hi ....I`m back after 3 weeks.

So where did you come from?

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ChuckFickens

I've just realised how insulting to RH my last post could have sounded!!

It really wasn't meant like that.

Carakeel

A friend just came up to the garden to see said bench.
First reactions : Amazed look and silence ... two / three minutes of it!
Second reaction: ... very worried look and ... more silence!
Third reaction: "It's ..... .... Well, it's .......Well, maybe .... Well, you could … naaaah!"
Fourth reaction: "You're so clever with a sewing machine ... maybe you could make covers for the arms and the seat and the back out of a very big, very thick duvet and then stick it behind the shed as a naughty bench?"
Fifth reaction (after sitting on it): "Then again ..... maybe not! That would be too cruel!"
Sixth reaction: "By the way, what's that plumb thingy in the middle, or is that meant to be a lady’s bottom? A bit odd, that!" She meant what was supposed to be a heart with our names engraved in it.
Seventh reaction: "Well, maybe you could fill the names in with some wood filler and give it to a home for very short legged, high backed, blind people? Is there such a thing?"
Upon seeing the putty that is holding some of it together: "Hmmmm, maybe not that either! You don't want to get sued after it gets rained on and disintegrates!"
Then .. "I know, give it to the Carpentry Workshop at Petroc College as an example of the many ways NOT to make a bench!"
And finally “Even better still, sell it to the Tate Gallery in London as a piece of art!! You’ll make a fortune!!!”
I think I like the latter suggestion most! lol

I like the auction idea too, but problem is we are so far away from everyone! :o(

RATTER15

Question Author

RedHelen, we can see Wales from our house, its sitting here waiting for you!!!

RATTER15

Question Author

Well nobody came to collect the dreaded bench so I asked the guy that made it to come and take it away.

It has now gone!! :-) I actually feel sorry for the guy but it really was horrible!!

B00

oh no, you didn't did you?

What did you tell the old guy? Didn't tell him you hated it did you?

RATTER15

Question Author

I just told him that as Carakeel was disabled to start with it was impossible for her to sit on such a low bench (he was told this before he made it) the seat base was too narrow and the back was too vertical to sit in comfort and the heart was in fact more like a plum!!

Please dont think this guy is a frail little old pensioner, he is a pensioner but not as frail as you may think, I think if I offended him he would have tried to murder me lol.

B00

oh you'll regret saying that. You do know he's probably making another as we speak to take into account carakeels "frailties". The seat will probably now be 10 feet off the ground.

RATTER15

Question Author

Next time I set the dogs on him!!! lol, waste of time that would be lol, they would lick him to death!

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