Is it best to avoid sleeping with him?

[bowannabow]

I am going on a 'date' with my ex (we split up 4 months ago) on Saturday. I'm not sure exactly what his intentions are. However, he wrote me a sweet letter recently saying he had regrets, had n't appreciated me properly etc. Needless to say I'm very wary and nervous about seeing him. I still love him but was let down quite badly when we split up. I want to hear him out and take it from there, without jumping into bed. The problem is I can imagine doing just that if I get swept along by things...do people think it would be a mistake if that did happen?

Thanks

[DJKC]

I've heard a saying that goes.............The best sex is with an ex !

[DJKC]

Or he could just be using you for sex, depends if he as seen anbody else in the past 4 months?

[WaldoMcFroog]

Arrange to meet him somewhere neutral - not somewhere you used to go out together. Explain up front nothing is going to happen and that you will be going home alone. Arrange for a mate to pick you up at a pre-arranged time. Stick to it.

If he's genuine, he won't mind. If he isn't, why would you want to go to bed with him anyway?

Oh, and for the record, I wish someone had given me the above advice on one or two occasions! It's never worked out well for me.

[bowannabow]

I don;t think he has. He asked a friend of mine recently if I was seeing someone else. And told the friend that he wasn't. Then again i don't know for sure and i guess this is something that may come up on Saturday.

[KittyGlitter]

I think if you sleep with him, you might feel used afterwards, especially if he doesn't contact you again. If he is serious about his feelings for you, he will wait until you are ready for sex. I think you have to decide whether you want to get back with him or not. Take your time - it sounds like he is the one who let you down. Like Waldo suggested, meet somewhere neutral so you can't easily end up in bed even if you wanted to.

[Drusilla]

Why are you wasting time looking backwards and wishing things had been different? They weren't and you got hurt! Personally, I do not trust his intentions and the relationship hasn't been ended long enough for you to view it as a totally platonic situation. If he just wants to talk, use a phone.

[smudge]

If it were me, I would probably meet him for a 'chat', then toddle off home alone afterwards. I would then have a good think about what I wanted to do in the future. Only then would I decide whether I wanted to sleep with him again.

Good luck, but be very cautious bowannabow.

[Scarlett]

Don't sleep with him. Let him say what he has to say and then sleep on it- ALONE. You can almost certainly do better!!

[jacko50]

I agree with most of the above coments but might i add ,he may have left thinking the grass is greener on the other side ,now after finding out that it is not he may just want to crawl back to you full of good intent only to let you down again in the future.he may of course be genuine so you could talk to him but don't just fall back into his arms ,i would wait until you think he is serious.I know it is not a very nice thing to say but in my opinion men in general will go crawling back to an ex if they think they may be able to get a quick (well you know) then they dissapear again leaving you feeling cheap and hurt. I am a man so i know what i am talking about.Iam not saying all men are like this just most of the ones i know .dont forget what rules mens brains.best of luck.

[mibn2cweus]

Getting hurt again may not be the worst. If he's been sampleing the scenery you could get more than you bargained for!

[atolhurst]

Having been in this situation myself, saying "I'm not going to sleep with him" is easier said than done and you're right Bow, getting swept along is a commoin problem.

If you do hear him out, believe him 100% and fall instantly back into his arms then sleeping together isn't going to hurt anyone. But if you're not sure about what he's saying, or you'd prefer to see how it goes for a little while to make sure he's not just in it for a quick romp, then holding off until you're sure might be a good idea. I would imagine it wouldn't be so hard to move on if it transpores that ultimately, nothing comes of the date, if you haven't got that awful thought "but we slept together - I must mean something to him" to mull over in your head, constantly.

If it is your intention to stand your ground, may I recommend not drinking too much (if indeed you do drink at all) as decision making when under the influence is not always logical and thus not drinking would help avoid the potenial "oh sh*t" feeling the morning after if you wake up and wonder what on earth you were thinking last night.

I might also mention that (and this is only my opinion) writing a letter to divulge ones feelings is quite a cop out - is he eight?? It may be that he feels uncomfortable, but you were together previously and are quite familiar with each other, so why he is unable to say these things out loud puzzles me slightly, especially if rekindling something with you is important to him. But that might just be my approach.

[astaff]

I agree with all the above answers. I would say make him work for it for a while. If he's serious about wanting to get back together for a relationship, he'll try to win you back for a long time. If all he wants is a one-nighter, he'll lose interest in a few days or a couple dozen attempts. If he left you, he needs to be the one to make the effort to regain your heart.

[tellboy]

Men only "have regrets" when their cosy little plans did not work out as expected and they find that what they got was not really what they wanted when they left.
Do not even see him is my advice.