Should I lie to my friend

[missprim]

This is one of those 'should I post it here or somewhere else'
Please tell me if you feel I should ask in a different section.
Yesterday a friend of mine told me she thinks her 2 sons have been lying to her and she asked me if I could find out if they are.
Well I have found out they have been lying to her for sure but I know that if I tell her the truth she will be upset.
So do I lie to her and tell her I have been unable to find out anything or do I tell her the truth?
I hate telling lies but on the other hand I don't want my friend to be upset.
What do you think I should do?
At the moment I think it's best that I lie and tell her I've been unable to find out anything but I'm worried that sometime in the future she will find out I lied to her and she will be very mad at me.

[CreamSoda]

It all depends on the lie. If they are adults, then keep out of it. If they are children and theyve been in trouble or someone has harmed them you should tell her. If she asks keep saying you are working on it. Thats pretty vague.

[Old_Geezer]

She asked, so tell her. It's one thing not to volunteer information, but you have been asked.

[DTCwordfan]

You have to honour what you have undertaken, though I agree maybe you shouldn't have leapt into the mud-pond of another family, unless it could seriously damage you friend. Not knowing the circumstance then it is hard to comment on this. If it involves illegal activity then you should report.

If there is no risk to you, I would do what others have suggested - in having a word with the sons and giving them a reasonable time "ultimatum" to fess up to their mother and soften it with a message, "if I can help resolve things, I am here."

Good luck.

[ummmm]

You could have made it much easier on everyone if you'd mentioned that in the first place.

[rozia]

just tell her the truth about her sons and let her make her decisions, if it hurts her, then im sure you are there as her friend to support her through it all. Do not lie to her, this would be very deceiving to her and when she finds out the truth, you wont be a friend to her, she will see you as a liar also, and wont trust you again

[rozia]

i think you should tell the boys to tell their mum what you know about them, and if they dont, then you will, your friendship is more important to you.

[missprim]

Exactly rozia. CreamSoda What the boys have done is not illegal and no-one has harmed them. Like I said before they are adult men but they behave like children. They have done someting within their family and told her they haven't. If she finds out what they have done, she will be upset so I will take your adviice. If my friend asks me if I have found out anything I will tell her I'm still sorting it out and I will try to talk to the boys asap Thanks to all of you who have helped me decide x

[rozia]

good luck hun. x

[Zhukov]

much ado about nothing,then?

[missprim]

Well I suppose it might seem like much ado about nothing but it's important to my friend so it's important to me.

[mrs.chappie]

I hope that rude remark from Zhukov up there won't put you off posting to let us know how you got on, MP.

[NoMercy]

I haven't read through the answers so excuse me if I repeat anything that has already been said.

Naturally it depends on the nature of the lie and whether or not it is necessary for an adult to step in and try to amend any damage.

The other thing to consider is would you want your friend to conceal something like this from you?

[missprim]

mrs.chappie I'd like to think that wasn't a rude remark from zhukov, I'd like to think he was just quoting one of Shakspeare's works:-)

NoMercy someone did ask earlier if I would want to know if the tables were turned but I really can't answer how I would feel as it isn't a problem that is likely to happen to me and my family hopefully..

[NOX]

Can I just query soemthing before I wade in with my opinion please? You say they are in their 30's but ' act like children' with a ' much lower intelligence'. Are they actually mentally challanged in the accepted sense of the word, or are they simply childish men who have never grown up? It's not terribly clear, and tbh it makes a huge difference.

[missprim]

NOX I would say they are both slightly mentally handicapped but it's something my friend has never discussed with me and not something I would wish to ask her. I'm not medically qualified to say but I suspect possibly slight autism. They have both done very strange things in the past and also I don't know if this makes any difference but they are both adopted.

[NOX]

Thanks for that. I was going to say ( if they were a little slow but not actually mentally handicapped) that you ought to stay as far away from getting involved as possible since they are all adults involved here, btu if they are genuinely mentally handicapped then do what is in their best interests, whilst trying to maintain a mindful eye to their privacy. It's a hard situation but I think Daffy has it about right under the circumstances.

[Eve]

I guess it does very much depend on the individual circumstances - hard to say on a general basis and people react to things differently.

With you saying they are adopted I wonder if it is something to do with that like them trying to trace/meet some of their biological family.

I hope all works out for the best for everyone.

[DTCwordfan]

If it is that, Jenna, then MP should go into a careful coaching role to get the boys to talk to their (Adopted) Mum and put her mind at rest - and to tell her that, while they love her, they want/need to understand something about their real parents.......it is a natural feeling and MP could play an important role with both sides on this.

[missprim]

Jenna it isn't to do with their real parents but I knew when I put that they are adopted then people might think it's about their real parents. Sorry I'm so secretive about the reason but I wouldn't want her to ever find out I've been asking questions about this so I think it best that I don't reveal the problem.
Yes the boys are slightly mentally challenged but I'm sure I won't have a problem talking to one of them as I get on well with him.

[Dee Sa]

firstly if these "boys" are over 30 then really what they do is none of their mother's business.
Secondly remember blood is thicker than water and one day they may all turn on you.