Just found out Aunt has terminal cancer

[boona]

Just this morning, I haven't seen her for a few years but I have fond memories of her from when I was younger. Im really sad about it and know I will get really emotional if I call round to see as this will be her last christmas alive , this is making me take the cowards way and just send her a lovely card with a few words but my sister thinks that I am being selfish and thinking of myself and my own feelings not my aunt who would probably like to see me. Don't know what to do.

[boona]

Last year I was grieving my late husband and this year I was feeling so much more positive and thoroughly enjoying my "run up to christmas" then bang this happens! Does that sound really selfish?

[boona]

Thinking even though I will be a wreck I should just go, least then I will have seen her one last time.

[Prudie]

Not selfish at all but very honest. Unless you hear she asks for you I wouldn't go unless you want to. Looking after yourself in your circumstances is your main priority.

[NOX]

Personally I think most people would regret it if they didn't go and see her, that being said you might be one of the few who doesn't- only you know that for sure- but I would absolutely go and see her. You said you had a good relationship with her- this will cost you nothing and in the future you will at least know you've done the right thing.

[sherrardk]

Right, decision made. Go and see her rather than dither about (know it will be hard, but you have made up your mind now), x

[boona]

Yep I should see her. Now Im not sure whether I can handle it at the moment!! maybe I should wait till boxing day as it just feels too sad to go before christmas!

[sherrardk]

Can you go tomorrow? Then it's done and not hanging over your head during Christmas?

[boona]

yes I can go tomorrow, I was thinking of going quiet early in the morning and getting it over with as like you have suggested it will only be hanging over my head over christmas.

[sherrardk]

Then go and see your aunt, it might not be as awful as you think and it won't be hanging over you. x

[boxtops]

It's not selfish, boona - it is obviously bringing back to you the events of last year - but if you don't see your aunt and then she dies, you will always wish you had.

The others are right - I used to work in a hospice (and I'm not a nurse) - someone who can come in and talk outside things, the crowds in the shops and the weather, and new boots, ordinary stuff, is a real change for patients, and gives them something else to think about except patients' health and feeling sad (often for themselves).

[boona]

Thank you. I will and will update tomorrow.

[naomi24]

Time to think of her, not you. If she would like to see you, then go - and be strong for her sake.

[boona]

Well, I did go, knocked on the door, no answer, I phoned my cousin (her son) who said she doesn't want to see anyone, so unfortunately I cannot visit!