This may ruffle a few parent's feathers but its not meant to!

[clipclop1]

My question is for all you parents out there..

Im seriously considering not ever having children, im not 100% on this, maybe about 80% and was hoping some of you could shed some light on the amazing aspects of having children.

From my observations (and im in a position where I have met and observed a LOT of perants over the years) and especially in this economy, it seems that to have children (unless you are very well off) only creates more financial difficulties, stress and strain, hence lots of marriages breaking up and families having to scrimp and save after busting their backsides at their full time job.
To add to this, many children these days are problematic, an issue mainly caused by mis-guided parenting skills but even those children brought up correctly can easily get these good manners wiped out by the peer groups they mix with at school.
Bumping into parents/friends during the summer/xmas holidays I was forever hearing the phrase, 'Oh I can't wait for school to open again because they've got me demented!'.

So, to summarise, this question is really not to meant to get people's back's up, its purely because this is an extremely awkward topic to talk about face to face with parents and I would really like some positive feedback to help whatever decision I may make in the near future! :/

[ummmm]

Perhaps she's just musing her thoughts.

[ummmm]

Favson - that's a rarity. It's awful for any parent to go through but it's still a rarity x

[ganesh]

I'm sure she's including a partner in her plans as she says 'near future'.I have to say it is usually the woman that 'decides' in the majority of cases.I'm not being sexist but men don't usually have the power to override that decision.They can delay it sometimes,but I've found that when a woman wants a baby it's hard for their partner to persuade otherwise.

[welshlibranr]

Favson!....that's just soul destroying!........so sad for you and your wife!.....

[Andyvon]

Hi Favson -

My step-daughter has gone down a similar route. She's never lived with us but I spent several years trying to help her. We took her on holidays with us, set her up in two flats which she got evicted from, got her a good job which she didn't turn up for etc. She's been a drug dealer for a long time, homeless for several years and she just seems happy living in the park with the underclass of losers she feels comfortable with. Everyone gave up with her but I spent several years worrying myself sick and running around everywhere for her trying to help her. She attacked my wife several times when she saw her with her day group in the town and the police insisted on a protection order for us (which S simply ignored). S and I have always got along well though. I used to meet S in town as S hates her mother (as well as all women) and I''d buy her meals and clothes. I haven't seen S for a year now though as she's taken off to Kent it seems. It is a constant worry, although no one else seems to care about her.

Although S is my step-daughter, if that is the person you are tied to you do do your best. It sounds as if you did with your son. I'm sorry to hear your story.

[welshlibranr]

Andyvron, so sad!........

[joko]

i'm 40 and have no kids.
I always assumed that at some point i'd starting actively wanting them... but i just never have...not really...
i DO want them... but not right now... but at my age i am running out of time

added to that, is the fact that i have pcos, which causes infertility... i could probably conceive with IVF etc ...but naturally is unlikely - but not impossible... i was pregnant once with an ectopic pregnancy about 13 years ago ...

so i suppose it is this knowledge...(i knew at about age 10) which has possibly made me so used to the idea that i may never have kids, and rather than it creating a burning longing and angry frustration at nature etc, i am resigned to the idea and - at the moment - not that bothered... in another say 8 years - when it is almost definitely too late, i will very probably start to feel regret etc... but i don't want to have a child just because of my body clock...i want them when i am ready and settled etc... and when its right...and unfortunately it looks like that i may never feel ready...

so for you i would say do what feels right for you...don't feel pressured or that you 'should' do it because its 'expected'... you only get one go at life - there are NO rules with this, so do it your way...but do consider possible regrets.

the fact the your whole 'anti' argument is based on the general notion that kids are little more than a pain in the arse shows you are not maternal (paternal?) and not really interested in being a parent.

[joko]

i would just add, for me i love kids, i sometimes work with them and adore my nieces and nephews ...and also am a big kid at heart, still have a lot of toys etc and i have no doubt that if i did have them id be a devoted mum.

[joko]

daisy nonna...you have made a pretty sweeping statement - based on little more than sentence structure and grammar and a condensed, 3 paragraph version of someones life, it seems.

just because someone does not qualify every statement with extras to clarify every sentence, does not mean they don't exist or have not been considered.
there simply isn't the room here to cover every aspect and counterweigh every nuance of a situation.
by all means ask the question, but to be accusatory because it wasn't included in the initial post, and imply the op is somehow lacking as a person is a bit presumptuous and ignorant...

and just because someone isnt an instant parent, doesnt make them selfish...in fact it takes guts to go against what is generally considered the 'norm' and what other people often pressurise others into doing...

[clipclop1]

Hi to everyone and Thank you all for your comments! That is exactly what I wanted and to read some of your experiences was really eye opening in a way! Both in good aspects and bad..

before I go on I just want to say an additional Thanks to those of you who have (quite rightly) defended me from those silly comments made by Daisy Nonna... I'll never understand people who comment like that and make assumptions but I won't waste anymore time talking about comments that don't matter to me or arn't true...

So yes, I do have a partner at the moment, although we're not living together but as Im approaching 30 this is a topic that is playing on my mind and my initial thought is to not have children but then the idea of regret plays on my mind as I hate regretting anything! (when regretable situations can be avoided ofcourse!)
You may find this funny to know that working with children (of all ages) has been my career for over 10 years! Make of this what you will... I know that I would be a good parent if my life took that turn although the idea of constantly being lacking financially as opposed to having my money as MINE to enjoy, along side the freedom you mentioned andyvon are major factors to consider.
On the flip side, I would love to have the relationship that I now have with my mum, she's my best friend and, even though there have been some very tough time over the last 10 years, We're always there for each other when needed...

So, the plight continues... as for the partner, we haven't discussed properly as yet, he had said at times he doesn't want kids and then k=joked that he wants to produce the next 15 elite for the England Rugby team! haha! Oh my god!

I know that Im in the fortunate position of being able to decide at the moment, some people simply dont have that choice and I really sympathise...

Thank you all for your HELPFUL comments and insights... very much appreciated! :)

[Davethedog]

I have two grown up children. All I can say without them my life would have been incomplete, obviously I would never have known that, but there is not one aspect of their existance that didn't give me unmitigated pleasure.

Your choice is yours, can't see it offending anyone.

Children are expensive, noisy, smelly (at times), fraught with worry (well being, safety, life choice) wonderful, beautiful, life empowering people. My life is imesurably better for their existance

[chrissa1]

You seemed to have turned out alright clipclop.

[clipclop1]

Wow that's a big insight Billandhiscat, im sorry that you had a tough time in the past, yes all these factors do need to be taken into consideration I feel...

And i've had a little chat with the partner and his was an undoubted YES to having children in the future... Oh S**T... Haha, well no decisions need to be made now anyway, it's just something that is going to lurk in the background of my mind until its crunch time.

Thanks again for all your honest and un-judgemental answers! K x

[Brinjal]

I don't think it matters what others say about having children or their experiences. If you don't have the feel for being a mum then don't do it. You should want to be a mum. Not just because it's what people do or because someone else. Husband partner wants you to have children