WTF happened??

[Smowball]

Okaaaay, very odd. Hubbie watching tv. Son comes in and also sits down, whilst txting on his mob. Conversation goes as follows:

H: Who are you txting?
S:Just mates.
H:What mates?
S: You wouldnt now them if I told you.
H:Well if you arent gona tell me then you can turn it off!
S:....just turns fone off......

Hubbie then F's and blinds at him, I ask what on earth is going on, get the same mouthful and off he storms upstairs shouting at me to F off !

Errr.....?????

[anneasquith]

a 12 year old should not be spoken to like that, nor should you!

[what..the?]

last time I heard a conversation like this I was 13-15 maybe and I was in your position, and my severely disabled brother who couldn't talk but just make noises was in your sons position. Our father had a go at my brother for know reason, and kept doing so, and threatening him, so he cries (he never cried) I step in and say whats happening knowing quite rightly fathers just really angry and taking it out on the wrong person = me getting the biggest beating I have ever had, which lasted for what seemed to be a lifetime with me being fit to the floor over and over. Mother comes in and sits eating with back to us during this and does not help. On asking her why she didn't do anything she said she thought I must have been in the wrong. If you knew me as a kid well you would know that was a stupid statement as I was a 'perfect' - does everything right, tidys room and doesn't speak unless spoken to kind of kid.

Took weeks to get over the beating, wanted to run away from home but worried about disabled brother so stayed. Brother now no longer with us, died of NHS negligence. At least I can morally remember the day stepped in to defend him, I would do it everyday if it had kept him safe, he was disabled and unable to speak but he was my brother.

And to get back to the point of this story, such an instance you describes takes me back. I worry your husband is under a lot of stress he isn't telling you and be careful it doesn't become physical, or at least worsen.

[Smowball]

what ..the? I am making light but its complicated. Obviously he does not feel for my son as I does - he is not his child. I feel torn between the two a lot of the time. My son and I are very close and I do think my husband sometimes resents that. But I would never ever stand by and see him being unfair.

[what..the?]

don't think I am saying your the mother role in my story, Your me in my story we ask whats going on to try and sort it out and we're hit with the backlash

[ummmm]

That's the issue that needs addressing.

[Smowball]

whats that ummmm?

[what..the?]

so does hubbie want more of your time and affection?

[ummmm]

He resents it.

You have a child each?

[Smowball]

he has a child who lives with the mum, and he barely gets a chance to see. I have children, one who lives at home still. I personally think the prob is that he cant see his own child and so resents me having mine every day. I know that sounds mad but if i put mysef in his position it must be hard

[starone]

There is something wrong with him and he is keeping it to himself but letting it out with that violent outburst. Is he by any chance diabetic? If blood sugar is too low or too high it can sometimes lead to difficulties. If he is not physically ill then there must be something on his mind. Not nice for you smowball and I haven't any suggestions, except perhaps the old saying "a soft answer turneth away wrath".

[ummmm]

That's what I mean. I remember your last Q and the money issue. It must be very hard for him. Everyday a reminder of what he hasn't got.

No excuse though....but understandable.

[Smowball]

Exactly ummm, totally no excuse but if I swap roles and I couldnt see my child , well then...... it would be awful.
Starbuckzone - dont think so, but he is under huge pressure at work

[ummmm]

Exactly....I know people dissed my answers, but, could you imagine the roles reversed?

It's not right....but it must be hard for him. Just put it down to a bad day.

Make sure it doesn't become a habit though xx

[Smowball]

Life aint always easy is it ummm. I will try and nip this in the bud. Gona be harder , the bigger son gets - and just me the one girly in the house! lol

[ummmm]

It's not....

No disrespect to anyone, but sometimes people post like life is perfect. It's not....He's had a hissy fit, something is on his mind, he's took it out on a child, he should apologise. This is your opportunity to talk to him xx

[NOX]

Common sense , good advice from Ummm as ever :)

[jno]

sounds like ummmm is spot on. Do try to sort it out now, otherwise it could fester for quite a while. He's entitled to discontent over his own son; just not to take it out on you two.

[tinkerbell23]

Agree nox & ummm

We all do it- not that its ok..it isnt...but we all have a strop! mabye its the whole discipline thing where he has mabye tried to put his foot down and thought you were interfering! (you werent!!! Im just suggesting!)

But its good to come here for a wee discussion/moan! I do it all the time! Im sure he will feel daft tomorrow and say sorry xxx