ChatterBank15 mins ago
Hello
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First off, im a long term user ,but using this throwaway name to vent and to hear anyones opinion.
My husband of 15 years ,together 20 told me on Saturday night that he's had a fling with a woman at work. Apparently he's met up with her twice at her flat near where they both work. The first time they just chatted and the second time they ended up in bed but he swears they just had a "fumble" but did not actually have sex as he apparently "couldn't go through with it".
For 2 weeks he's being trying to break it off with her, but shes turned all bunny boilerish and refuses to take no for an answer.
I knew something was wrong, he's been quiet for the last week but he told me it's because he wasnt feeling well, and like a sap, i believed him! When all along the guilt over the whole tawdry thing was "killing him".
As I've said, he finally broke down on Saturday night and told me everything, well, everything according to him anyway. And call me stupid, but I do believe he has told me everything.
I've done nothing but cry all weekend, but we've had several heart to hearts and i've decided to forgive him. I still love him dearly and can't throw him out. And he claims it's made him realise how utterly stupid he's been and he desperately wants to stay with me.
We do have a child together and we've both agreed that we want to stay together for each other, rather than out of a sense of duty to our child.
I've contacted him this morning at work, and she was waiting for him, and screamed at him in the company carpark, saying he can't do this to her etc etc.
To be honest, im not sure why ive made this post, except that it's maybe because im now on my own sat here, going over and over again in my head everythings that's been said, and it's killing me.
I will get over it, least I really want to and I desperately want us back to how we were, or maybe a better version, and he says (and i believe him) that he does too.
How do i/we get over it? Anyone with any experience, that can give me some pearls of wisdom?
My husband of 15 years ,together 20 told me on Saturday night that he's had a fling with a woman at work. Apparently he's met up with her twice at her flat near where they both work. The first time they just chatted and the second time they ended up in bed but he swears they just had a "fumble" but did not actually have sex as he apparently "couldn't go through with it".
For 2 weeks he's being trying to break it off with her, but shes turned all bunny boilerish and refuses to take no for an answer.
I knew something was wrong, he's been quiet for the last week but he told me it's because he wasnt feeling well, and like a sap, i believed him! When all along the guilt over the whole tawdry thing was "killing him".
As I've said, he finally broke down on Saturday night and told me everything, well, everything according to him anyway. And call me stupid, but I do believe he has told me everything.
I've done nothing but cry all weekend, but we've had several heart to hearts and i've decided to forgive him. I still love him dearly and can't throw him out. And he claims it's made him realise how utterly stupid he's been and he desperately wants to stay with me.
We do have a child together and we've both agreed that we want to stay together for each other, rather than out of a sense of duty to our child.
I've contacted him this morning at work, and she was waiting for him, and screamed at him in the company carpark, saying he can't do this to her etc etc.
To be honest, im not sure why ive made this post, except that it's maybe because im now on my own sat here, going over and over again in my head everythings that's been said, and it's killing me.
I will get over it, least I really want to and I desperately want us back to how we were, or maybe a better version, and he says (and i believe him) that he does too.
How do i/we get over it? Anyone with any experience, that can give me some pearls of wisdom?
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> My head's that cabbaged I can't think straight at the moment!
I can understand that, but HR will be viewing things dispassionately. Your husband has definitely done the right thing by getting them involved, as they will be able to look at it from a completely corporate angle, which is much easier to do!
> Does that make me sound evil?
It makes you sound human.
I can understand that, but HR will be viewing things dispassionately. Your husband has definitely done the right thing by getting them involved, as they will be able to look at it from a completely corporate angle, which is much easier to do!
> Does that make me sound evil?
It makes you sound human.
Unless he works for a very strange organisation if he carries on working and does not do anything to antagonise the situation if the other woman carries on then she will be the one with a problem. If she continues to make his life difficult then it would possibly be managed under a harrassment policy although he may have to be careful going down that route in case she files a counter claim.
No smowball, I don't know anyone else at his work place. I do believe he's very very sorry. If you could see his last text to me it's break your heart too!, this has completely broken him.
Yes, markrae, your right, involving HR was probably the wisest move he's made these last few weeks!
I have a confession to make Mazie, I tried to find her on facebook, but I couldn't find her, quite what I wanted to achieve from that I've no idea, probably a good idea I didn't.
I'll know more what happened today when he gets home from work.
I really do appreciate everyone's advice, well, apart from one persons. Your all so kind, thank you.
Yes, markrae, your right, involving HR was probably the wisest move he's made these last few weeks!
I have a confession to make Mazie, I tried to find her on facebook, but I couldn't find her, quite what I wanted to achieve from that I've no idea, probably a good idea I didn't.
I'll know more what happened today when he gets home from work.
I really do appreciate everyone's advice, well, apart from one persons. Your all so kind, thank you.
Ok, MB, there's a lot of sense spoken above - if she does make an aggressive approach outside the work place, you both may need a court order.
As to you two, may I suggest letting grandparents/friends/godparent step in and take your child for a few days and get away to the country, a nice inn with good food etc.
You are on neutral ground, you can go for long walks etc, singly or together, relax a bit and talk this all through, what you feel, issues etc etc - have a look a smowball's thread as there is some related advice there too....from the talking, you can develop an "action plan", an awful term but you know what I mean, what both of you will undertake to stop this happening again......
As to you two, may I suggest letting grandparents/friends/godparent step in and take your child for a few days and get away to the country, a nice inn with good food etc.
You are on neutral ground, you can go for long walks etc, singly or together, relax a bit and talk this all through, what you feel, issues etc etc - have a look a smowball's thread as there is some related advice there too....from the talking, you can develop an "action plan", an awful term but you know what I mean, what both of you will undertake to stop this happening again......
DT crossword said
"you can develop an "action plan", an awful term but you know what I mean, what both of you will undertake to stop this happening again......"
keeping his whats-it in his pants will help and stop flirting with female colleagues.
Am i the only one on here that actually feels for the woman - all of a sudden she's become a bunny boiler on the husbands say so - He's building her up into some sort of psycho, frightening the life out of you so even if you thought about it fleetingly you will be too scared to go and confront her - there is more to this story and if it was me i would want to find out EXACTLY what went on - never mind this 'fumbling' i would want to know all the gory details were - a 'fumble' can be done in a car or toilet -did she kidnap him (twice) to her house for a 'fumble' -do me a favour - he's been a naughty boy and now is playing the poor done by male whose being stalked by a nutter -work this thing out - but with honesty or it will come back and haunt you
"you can develop an "action plan", an awful term but you know what I mean, what both of you will undertake to stop this happening again......"
keeping his whats-it in his pants will help and stop flirting with female colleagues.
Am i the only one on here that actually feels for the woman - all of a sudden she's become a bunny boiler on the husbands say so - He's building her up into some sort of psycho, frightening the life out of you so even if you thought about it fleetingly you will be too scared to go and confront her - there is more to this story and if it was me i would want to find out EXACTLY what went on - never mind this 'fumbling' i would want to know all the gory details were - a 'fumble' can be done in a car or toilet -did she kidnap him (twice) to her house for a 'fumble' -do me a favour - he's been a naughty boy and now is playing the poor done by male whose being stalked by a nutter -work this thing out - but with honesty or it will come back and haunt you
Here I don't agree tamborine. You can actually regret doing something which hurt your loved ones and have the balls to say it. Here, I honestly think her husband realised what was at stake. No doubt, MondayBlues will have her little revenge at some point which is human but love is stronger than anything (on both parts I must add). I'm speaking from experience...
There is always curiosity to see what the other woman looks like. I would leave it alone. If she appears to be more attractive than you then can make you feel insecure. And if she is really nothing much then it can be a case of how can he choose her over me. Doesn't do any good. forget soi the who. Concentrate on the why and try and get some peace into your life and find your way forward.
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