Paranoid control freak?

[Exmothian]

My son's ex partner is using their 4 year old daughter as a pawn in a nasty game of emotional blackmail.We thought we'd seen a lot until yesterday when she announced that I ( grandfather) could no longer have contact with the child.
Anybody have any clues as to how to deal with such a situation?As a grandparent I don't yet have rights, but she is screwing around with my son's emotions too.
Needless to say mother has issues going back to childhood. She refuses psychological help.

[jno]

if your son has any rights over the girl, there's nothing to stop him bringing her to see you

[Exmothian]

We know that , thanks, but we all believe she will take that as an affront to her rights as the mother and withdraw the child from contact with her dad, initiating another level of spitefulness and retribution ... She really has become an unsavoury piece of work! Seems to spend a lot of time being deliberately nasty, and saying she's just protecting her daughter. Of course there's nothing to protect her from ..... She is loved just as our other grandchildren are , but,sadly we don't see very much of her anyway.

[bednobs]

does your son have any kind of court order for custody or access?

[tinkerbell23]

I thought grandparents did have rights! Im no expert ..infact i know very little but id involve the law...best of luck to you all xx

[welshlibranr]

nothing to stop your son visiting you with your granchild when he as his access!........if the mother objects, then she needs to give a good reason why not!................

[Exmothian]

Son feels like he's hanging on by a thread. they both work shifts at the same place, but not together, so she needs him to child mind when she works , but it's the way she threatens to withdraw his rights if she doesn't get her way.
He sleeps at hers ( on the sofa downstairs) when she goes out.She was out last week and was supposed to be back at 10:30 so he could go home to get some sleep before his early start, and didn't return 'till 4am.
He supports his daughter to the max emotionally and financially , and couldn't afford legal action if it came to it, and doesn't she know it! There have been times when I've thought she only had a relationship with him to father children.
She's also lied about him to her father and spoilt their relationship which was pretty good .. As I said, she's a piece of work !

[Exmothian]

Thanks for all the responses so far .....

[Exmothian]

Tinker bell .. Thanks ... There 's a bill going through Parliament at the moment waiting for its second reading ... which means there's still a long way to go before proper rights for grandparents are set in stone.
Bedknobs .. Thanks , but they have an ongoing strained and not particularly amicable "arrangement" so my son does see his daughter two or three times a week and alternate weekends, but the mother makes and sets all the rules and regulations. My son is certain that if he were to stand his ground then she would make things as difficult as she could to stop him seeing his,daughter .... It really is heavy emotional blackmail. Talk about twisted logic, She takes some beating ! And she rants on that "it is all in my daughters best interests" when
it's all in her selfish spiteful interest IMO

[albaqwerty]

He can always threaten to withdraw her rights. What a sad situation.

A mother has absolutely no rights whatsoever over their child. Just because they give birth does not give them an automatic right to anything.

I hope things improve and quickly.

[Exmothian]

Thanks albaqwerty , I just wish she was fair! It's only recently that we've started to see and,feel how malicious she is/ might be in future.
I live in hope that their daughter isn't infected with her bile .
Let's hope she has the honesty to look in the mirror and see the truth
To cap it all she's doing a course and, if she qualifies, she could be in the system giving psychological advice herself .... Bizarre

[ladybirder]

Your granddaughter will be taking all this in Exmothian, as you are clearly aware. But you might be surprised. One of my sons was in exactly the same situation and the nightmare went on for several years. Now the two grandchildren are grown up (24 and 26) and they have told me they know it wasn't my fault that I didn't see much of them when they were little. They also said, to my amazement, that their mother was in the wrong and she shouldn't have treated their father and me the way she did. So you never know, your granddaughter might have a mind of her own:-)

[Exmothian]

That's reassuring! We've 4 children, boy girl boy girl and have never experienced such behaviour in 36 years of parenting and now grand parenting , and yes, they are amazingly resilient to life's tribulations ..... It just needn't be like this . We don't understand where this bile comes from. It's wearing our son down and we despair to see him depressed by her actions.
Deep breath, cross fingers and hope it doesn't come to involving litigation.