humanist funeral

[shaneystar]

I had to attend a funeral on Monday and ever since I have felt really uplifted.Sounds strange I know.. but the deceased had wished for a humanist ceremony with a woodland burial. His wife told me that some people had refused to attend on religous grounds.There were no prayers or hymns or readings, just a a lovely man who told the story of the deceased's life and stories from relatives and friends.He was played in to "Somewhere over the rainbow" and played out to Glen Miller's" In the Mood."
He had asked for this type of funeral because he was disillusioned with religion and the way the world was going and the wars ..mainly over religion.When I go I think I would like this...it seemed more natural than all that praying and so on.What do others think.I know it's morbid but I had to get this off my chest !

[andy hughes]

I'm a great believer in people havoing the funeral they want. I respect people's wish not to attend on religious grounds, but as an aetheist, I have no problem.

My wife and all my family are Catholics, so I may well get a Mass, which is fine by me - I have no preferences, and it will be of comfort for them. Likewise, I will arrange a Mass for my wife if she dies firstm, because that will be what she wants.

For me - take the bits you can re-use, and dump the rest in a skip!

[andyjevs]

Fantastic stuff shaneystar. I would class myself as secular so that funeral would do for me....played in with "i'm forever blowing bubbles" and out with Pink Floyds legendary "comfortably numb"

I went to my old bosses cremation the other day and the "priest" was giving all this religious crap and then we had to say the lords prayer....i find it very very hypocrytical as my boss was never religious.
As mentioned...take what's needed and dump me under the the strawberry patch

[crumpeter]

It sounds like a lovely funeral! I am an atheist and the last thing I want is a service in a cold depressing church, complete with droning hymns and organ music.
Some favourite songs and a few humourous stories from friends, what more could you want.
Religion is the top excuse these days for waging wars and comitting all kinds of atrocities.
I have faith in family and friends, thats all I need.

[Chessman]

Both Mrs C, and myself, have opted for a Humanist funeral, its in our will, but thats basically because we'd like our bodies to go back to whence they came, its the soul that lives on, not the body, so the type of funeral you have, in the end, makes no difference.

[Drusilla]

I'm a member of the British Humanist Association and people often wonder how I can allow my children to celebrate Christmas and how do I explain the death of loved ones to them.
I celebrate Christmas because it is a tradition in this country and it's message is one of love and there's no harm in letting children know about the goodness in people.
I accept the death question is more tricky and I try to foster in my girls the importance of living good lives and leaving behind a legacy of decency that people will remember with pleasure.
Being a humanist does not mean we abdicate moral authority in our lives, it means we claim it and live by it, without resorting to forgivenss from above. The forgiveness needs to be in our hearts in the here and now.
I'm glad you were moved Shaneystar and I wish you well.
www.humanism.org.uk

[Gef]

Shaney, I agree with you entirely. Drusilla thanks for the link. A very close friend of mine died a year ago and he had a humanist service. Now no one could describe a funeral service as "enjoyable" but you know what I mean. I want one when the time comes.

Equally, another very close friend of mine died in February and there was a full Church of Scotland service. Also very moving. I can't understand people who decide not to attend funerals on religious grounds.

[shaneystar]

Thank you all for your comments and answers.I was very moved I must say, but not in a sad way.I had known this man for over thirty years ..a godfather to my son..and he was such a nice man and this came over in the ceremony and in the anecdotes people told.There was lots of laughter during the ceremony.I have been to quite a few funerals in my time and have always come away feeling down and depressed .Of course I was upset that he had died... but this is the first time I have ever come away from such an event feeling cheered and uplifted.

[lady_p_gold]

I was expecting a barrage of opposition to this however I am glad to see the replies. I totally agree with all the comments, some of the things done in the name of religion show no compassion or thought for others. I think my parents have opted for something similar - my mother said they 'roar up in a Landrover and cart you off to a wood in their wellies' I think she was probably exaggerating but you get the drift. If there is a God, I am sure he or she would not be condoning the wars and atrocities as Crumpeter said, or the religious fundamentalists who seem bent on narrow minded suppression of practically all human natural behaviour.

[Robinia]

I agree with the other comments shaneystar. It's lovely when the funeral fits the person & their life, rather than have a hypocritical over religious service where evryone is thinking 'Well this isn't the person that they were'.
My sister works as a funeral arranger & so we talk about this a lot, but not miserably so!
She comes into contact with many people who haven't a clue what their loved ones wanted for their final send off, because they'd never discussed it or had refused to. It's a shame that people still can't talk about the one thing that's going to happen to all of us!
Humanist & 'environmentally friendly' funerals are becoming far more popular. I know what I want although I appreciate a funeral, as andy says, is for those left behind.

I'm so sorry you've lost someone close shaneystar, but I'm sure you have some lovely memories. x

[david small]

My wife has suggested that I be buried at the bottom of our garden, in an environmentally friendly coffin. I don�t think the neighbours would be too amused. For myself, having attended far too many funerals, I find the Christian service morbid, morose, and debilitating. Far better to be uplifted, and celebrate a persons life, and achievements. Yes, mourn their passing over into a different realm, but that is only a temporary departure. I firmly believe in life after death.

[mullein3]

shaneystar...what a lovely funeral..i dont want a religiouse funeral either and i keep telling mr m ..if he goes against my wishes i will come back and haunt him..a lot of people dont attend church anymore so why bother being a hypocrite and having a priest or vicar standing over you..and everyone singing hymns..england was pagan many years ago and in some ways its returning to pagan ways..xmas was celebrated by the pagans first..before religion took over ..and in some ways xmas has returned to pagan..i would like a wicker coffin decorated with wild flowers...mr m would like a spiritualist service!! i have told him i shall throw his body in a carrier bag..and burn him..that really winds him up!!

[shaneystar]

Once again thank you all. I think it was when we went to the actual burial that it brought it home to me ....it was all so natural and cheerful in a way ..out in the countryside in lovely surroundings..nobody in black. In spite of being sad it was a very joyous occasion. He loved his wild life and garden and having spoken to his wife since, she found a great deal of comfort in this ceremony .
Thank you all for your views on this.

[Vics]

Wow Shaneystar what a great question and what great responses you have had - you must feel even more uplifted. It seems to be a very british thing to attend a funeral and feel that you have to be solemn. There was a TV programme on a many years ago now that followed various funerals and the one aspect I did take from it was that W. Indian people see funerals as a "Celebaration of Life" as opposed to the typical british Oh my god I can't laugh or sing. This really helped me through my Dad's funeral 5 years ago. My Mums brother is a minister so he did the service and I wanted to scream out in the middle of the service "have a sense of humour for God's sake, Dad did" - as the Minister, EVEN though related could have been droning on about anyone. Get those funeral plans drawn up now then everyone - so we get what we want!! Take care all Vics.

[shaneystar]

Hi Vics and welcome to AB.Thank you for your comments.
It was nice to get such a good response to my question.