Teenagers n troubles

[bubbly2000]

I have recently discovered that my daughter is not happy & that she has been communicating with people who self harm. She has now started to do this. I am devestated, and she won't talk to me, in fact she dosen't know that I now know whats going on. I am frightened for her & know I need to help but don't know what to do. She is so secretive, also she is starving herself, however I got that under control and now this. She is a bright beautiful young lady but is easily led, at 18 she is an adult but I need help to help her. Any advice will be gratefully received, I will do anything it takes for her to be happy & healthy

[tonyav]

Phone your surgery and ask to speak to the commumity practice nurse. Tell the CPN about it and they should point you in the right direction.

[China Doll]

I guess all you can do is encourage her to go and see the GP to get some help that way. I think at 18, and if she won't talk to you, then awful as it is it will still be her decision as to whether she seeks help or not. I suppose all you can really do at the moment is let her you know that you know and open a dialogue and see where you go from there.

[flump1]

Thank goodness you found this and have a chance to stop it. People going through depression often can't talk to their nearest and dearest for fear of upset so she may not communicate with you to start with. However don't give uo talking to her even if you say things she might not want to hear. Other more knowledgeable folk will be along shortly I am sure.

[bubbly2000]

Thank-you. I am so desperate I will listen to any advise offered.

[ChocolatChip]

I would suggest that you talk to your daughter before trying to get her any help, although phoning the doctors to try and getting better understanding for yourself would be okay.
If you try and put help in place before communicating with your daughter may cause her to hide it even more and shut you out more.
It is important to realise when speaking to your daughter that it is not her fault or your fault that she is doing this.
You say you made her stop starving herself, how did you manage to do this?
She may not be ready to give up self-harming yet, however it is important for you to tell her that you are there to support her through whatever is best for her. And if she is not prepared to give up cutting, to make sure that she is doing it as safely as possible.

[bubbly2000]

I am trying to work out the best way to approach her on the subject. I wouldn't put anything in place until issues are out in the open, like you say, I don't want her to shut me out competely, so I know I have to tread carefully. As for her eating issues. I didn't draw attention to it, I just said we needed to sit at the table together to eat (she was taking her food to her room) & then suggested we sat together and watch tv after meals so she couldn't nip off to the bathroom. I keep telling her shes beautiful and pretty and has a lovely figure but if she want to lose a bit of weight then we would do it together, so I give her smaller portions of good nutrious foods, she seems happy with that, she still weighs herself everyday but it has stabalised. I now need to deal with this self harming.

[tinkerbell23]

So sorry you are in this position bubbly :0( must be very difficult for you....its not something ive ever had to deal with....but heres a link to the NHS website and what it says ...hope it helps.....xxxxxx

http://www.nhs.uk/con...ges/Introduction.aspx

[bubbly2000]

Thank-you Tinkerbell23, that clip was veryy other informative. Any more advise from anyone will be greatly received.

[ChocolatChip]

But bubbly, you are only helping her control her eating situation, and not actually dealing with the cause. You need to talk to her and try and help her towards getting psychological help.

[bubbly2000]

yes I know choc chip, just need to know how to

[ChocolatChip]

Have you had a look on google, maybe there's some ideas on there?
The only thing that really comes to my mind is to take your time and write her a letter saying that you love her and want to support her and that this isn't her fault but she needs to find it within herself to get help.

[bubbly2000]

Thank-you choc chip, I will consider it. I am going to have a chat to her tomorrow when she returns from her dance show, (she's a ballerina/show dancer and is encouraged to stay slim) I need to understand why she cuts herself and as you pointed out, deal with the cause. Also you mentioned making sure she does it safely, how can you do it safely, surely you can't??

[ChocolatChip]

I can't quite remember the list of the top of my head, but it goes along the lines of;
Ensuring that you always use a clean and sterile instruments, clean the wounds regularly, use clean bandages.

[tonyav]

bubbly, usually cutting is a self esteem problem.

[bubbly2000]

oh yes choc chip I see what your'e saying now.
Tonyav, I think your'e right. She is stunning, but her 1st love has dumped her and then she met someone else only to find out he already had a g/f, she had trouble finding a p/t job while at college (although she has now, starts next week)she kept saying no one wanted her so shes ugly and unemployable, also her dad left and for some reason won't keep in contact, so I think you have hit the nail on the head. Its becoming much clearer thanks to you all.