No Motivation... ever.

[merdok]

Hi Guys,

About a year and a half ago I came out of a two year depression which I think resulted from the loss of a job I really loved (company went bust).

Since then I've had no motivation, I literally cannot be bothered to get out of bed. I have all these good intentions but I dont seem to have the will power or self control to follow it through to the end.

Take now for example, I've nothing to feel down about, I've started a uni course and I'm really enjoying it, I've started a business which appears to be going well and I've got a BEAUTIFUL and wonderfull girlfriend.

However I rarely can be bothered to go to uni, I've got 11 assignments all due in in 5 weeks, none of which I've started yet and I'm so lazy around the house I'm in real trouble of losing my girlfriend.

I really dont know what to do, I've had some advice on this from people I know but most of them say, "well... get over it, if you get the urge to stay in bed ignore it and get out of bed"... now thats brilliant advice, but it doesnt really help, because if I found it that easy I wouldnt have this problem in the first place!

Has anyone else experienced this? Is there a way out of it? I dont know what to do, its like I'm actually letting my life disintegrate around me and although I'm screaming at myself inside, I STILL dont do anything about it... any ideas?

[2leftfeet]

Wow! I really felt like I was reading a chapter from my autobiography when I read your question! I have been depressed, and I'm still not over it, but the worst part about it was the complete lack of motivation. I just had no "get up and go" in me, there would be times when I would just stay in bed for days at a time, only getting out of bed to go the toilet. I would go for a week without getting a shower or even washing my face.

Eventually, I lost my friends. I think they got sick of me not answering the door when they knocked and not returning their messages that it was easier for them to stop coming over and to stop calling. So I just felt alone, and sad.

I felt just as you do, that life is just passing me by, and I was losing time that I will never get back. I knew life was passing me by, but I still didn't do anything about it.

I don't know if I can give you any advice how to get over it, because I'm still not over it. I still have bad days. I don't think I'll ever get over it, but I hope that I learn to accommodate it so that I can get on with life. I think you should go and see your doctor though, and DONT be embarrassed to tell him/her ALL of the things you are feeling! I was embarrassing about telling my doctor my symptoms, and she couldn't help me. It wasn't until I told her exactly what I was doing (staying in bed, no motivation etc) that she prescribed me anti-depressants. Good luck, I wish you the best :)

[merdok]

yep, the shower thing is definatley a part of the problem.

I guess I could try antidepressants, it just feels wrong though, I managed to pull myself out of my depression without medication. I would be unfortunate to have to take them after the fact.

Still... its certainly worth a try.

Thank you.

[2leftfeet]

Well, you might not need medication, your GP could give you other advice that might help you. Mine referred me to the mental health unit at our hospital, which I was a bit freaked out by, but that was the procedure before I could be seen by their counselling staff. I was having sessions with a counsellor every week, which was good because it gave me a bit of a routine and it got me out of the house a couple of times a week. Oh, and try talking to your girlfriend about it, she will notice that there's something bothering you and she might think it's her...so make it clear to her that she's not the problem. Talking to her about it will probably help, a problem shared is a problem halved as they say.

[merdok]

hehe... no she most certainly knows its all me. She's not conviced that its a problem though, she thinks I'm putting it on. (probably because I'm not doing my fair share of the housework)

Thanks for your advice ... I'll go see my doc this week.

[KittyGlitter]

This sounds like a cliche but you've already taken the first step in acknowledging how you feel and that you want something to change.....

I would definately think about seeing a counsellor/therapist because it then 'forces' you to look at areas of your life and to talk about anything you choose in a safe, non-judgmental environment. Professionals can help you see things in ways you would never have thought of yourself. Of course friends are important but they can often say the wrong things such as "If I was you...I would do this, that and the other" etc. seeing things from their point of view rather than getting into your shoes. There is a reason or reasons for why you feel the way you do, you just need help in finding out why and once you do know, I'm sure it will help you to feel better. Don't be afraid for asking for help - it's your life and you will do whatever you need to do, to feel better.

[funnywebsite]

I understand what you are saying it is easy to feel lazy and not want to do anything. What about money? Who paid you to do nothing for 2 years? If anything that motivates me to get off my arse is that the bills need paying. I am not academic so I have never been to uni and would not like the fact that I have to get 11 assignments in. You say your enjoy it so can't be too hard to do it. You need to take a few deep breaths and get on with it because it will all go to waste if you do not pursue it. You have even started a business so you cannot be too depressed any longer to do that. Some exercise will help you feel better. Can you get yourself out to go for a long walk everyday. Exercise is the best exercise to help the soul. It really helps. Once you are active you feel more energetic and can do more. Have you got any ambitions i.e moving house in future, a goal to go for?

[WendyS]

You say you are coming out of a long depression but I wonder whether in fact, you are still in it despite have changed direction after losing your job. Alternatively, your two years of doing nothing may unwittingly have become a habit without your realising it and part of your brain is still telling you it's OK to behave like this when it's clearly starting to ruin your life, especially when your girlfriend is doing the lion's share of the housework and you've been getting away with being inactive. .

I think it would be wise to go back to your doctor and explain just how bad this lethagy is. It also might help if every night before going to bed to list some realistic goals for the next day and don't allow yourself any luxuries until they have been achieved.

Hope you turn the corner soon.

[merdok]

WendyS, you might be right there, I definatly need to speak to my doctor. Something needs to be done about it. I cant do this to her anymore.

[Vics]

Yes merdoch. I have some ideas. Seeing a doctor will either work or not depending on how you feel about it. What you need to boost your confidence is to do something that you HAVE to do. Ie get a part time job - this wil make you get up, wash (so that you look nice for your job etc. etc.). Above all don't think too much about your whole situation else this will make you spiral down even further. Go for it Merdock. Have faith in yourself. You are Great. Vics X

[joanna1983]

I completely see where your coming from. I suffered from depression for 3 years and with help from friends, family and my partner i got through it. All i wantedto do is sleep, i couldnt be bothered with anything and i had no energy. I know you sit there and think i cant imagen feeling happy. Well its been a year now since i came off my tablets and my partner is still here. They had to put up with a lot. What helped me is going to the gym i worked out really hard and as i got better and better at what i was doing i got my energy back and my labido which dissapeared. Doing a hobbie with other people gives you the push to get up and do it. I dont know if it will help mate but it help me. good Luck, i hope you get the support you need. Dont let it all get on top of you. I find the best thing over all is to talk about it.

[merdok]

Thanks joanna1983, going to the gym isnt a bad idea actually. I used to enjoy going in the past. Thanks for that.