having big problems dealing with difficult conversations with close relationships.

[Jenarry]

I have such a big problem communicating with my bf and also ,my best mate and my parents and my boss. i can talk to them about anything under the sun and everything that going on my life but if i had a problem or issue with them about anything i find it so so so hard to tackle it with them,
this is really causing bad problems right now and i'm finding that i'm holding bad hang ups about certain things. I can talk the whole problem out with a friend or work colleague and tell them exactly what;s troubling me very eloquently but i just find it impossible to do this face to face with the person themself.it's like i can't even broach the subject.
i think this stems from my family not being big on talking to each other and previous boyfriends have made it even worse.
how can i start facing people with my thoughts and problems. please help!
this has especially come to head with my bf this week , we need to talk about a very big issue but i find it almost impossible, any advice gratefully received.

[Smowball]

Been there, got the t shirt,could I just ask what the big subject is??

[boxtops]

Can you write it down, and ask him to read it?

[hc4361]

I get the feeling you avoid confrontation if you can. That doesn't help anything.

Pick your time - make sure you both have the time for a good talk. Many people find it easier to talk outside the home but if you choose this route don't do it over a formal meal, it will seem stilted and you are both stuck facing each other for the duration of the meal.
Get straight to the point, it is frustrating for the other person to have to listen to a monologue of excuses, reasons etc before knowing the gist of the matter.

It will not be as bad as you think.

[jomifl]

can you discuss the matter sort of hypothetically, If your friend has any sense he/she will see where it is going and pick up on it if he/she wants to, or not.

[Jemisa]

That used to be me years ago, it will get easier as time goes on as you get older & have more experience of life. (I guess you're quite young Jena)
I'm a grandmother now and its easier, I can say anything and people listen.As long as one isn't rude or talk with attitude, think befoe you speak.
I very often used to write down what I was going to say. It works.


jem Good Luck.

[Jenarry]

Actually Jem I'm not a youngster . I'm 40 now but i feel like i'm getting worse as the years go on. I used to be a bit blunt when i was younger-not too upset but if i thought it i would say it but these days i seem to keep things that are troubling me to myself all the time (or share it on here). I know it's wrong and I know it causes the issue to get bigger as i haven't dealt with it but i seem to do this rather than rocking the boat but it's at my cost. and snowball the issue at the moment is a biggie. my bf kindly took it on himself to strip my spare bedroom last week and has been decorating it as a guest room . unfortunately it had opened a can of worms for me because i'd always hoped this would be bedroom for a new baby. it was upsetting me last week and i finally managed to talk to him about it at the weekend. and we have some more talking to do but blimey do i find it hard!!!

[tamborine]

Ask him if the room is for his mum or your new baby...or say "I want pink" !

[Mosaic]

Jenarry, the fact that you've posted this suggests you are on the way to dealing with the block.
It won't be different suddenly and is best addressed in little increments - you can see the whole picture, but the people you deal with only see the smaller parts of you that are used in any particular interaction. So trying to be all different, all at once might not only be daunting for you but also a bit bewildering for people who thought they knew all about you.
Sometimes as well you need to not quite talk 'at' each other, but through something or someone that acts as a focus.
This is why people often have brilliant conversations on long car journeys - you aren't staring at each other and you just focus on the passing landscape and the words.
Can you go in and help out around the decorating - dialogue might start then.

Can you get him to read your post? It might be the start of a fresh start.

Good luck and be good to yourself.

[Bambiagain]

Bear in mind that decorating need not be a permanent thing. If you do have a baby you can always buy some more paint.

[Jenarry]

mosiac the car journey is a good idea. i think as far as my bf goes it makes it a bit harder because any of these conversations need to happen once my little boy has gone to bed and i feel the pressure to start a dialogue but i just can't get the words to come out. :O(
bambiagain the room is on the small side so bf is going to the effort of building a built in bed which is going to make it only good for a guest room! :O(