The loss of my beautiful boy Staffie

[Pegoyd]

I'm sorry in advance as this maybe long, I don't know who to turn to or what I'm going to write so I will just type...

We lost our beloved Staffy on 30th April, we had to make the choice to put him to sleep, the most painful choice I have ever had to do, he looked so sad and I cant get the image out of my head....I know its only been 2 days but my heart is hurting like I have never ever felt before.

We have had Lloyd since he was 8 weeks old, along side his sister Peggy, they were inseparable, never ever been apart in the 10 and a half years we have had them, these two staffys were our two babies. I had to miscarriages and after suffering the second we decided to give up for a while and get two dogs, and that's why we have Peggy and Lloyd.

I'm going to now just talk about Lloyd, but you must know I feel exactly the same way about Peggy, but she is still here next to me as I type

Everybody loved Lloyd, he wasn't your normal Staff, he was a wimp and a little nervous boy, we dint know why as he had always been loved from day one....I think maybe I mothered him way too much , they slept in our bed, took the covers from us, life was just them...he was an absolute one in a million dog, so unique and so odd lol, makes me smile thinking of the stupid things hes done...

I fell pregnant again in 2007 and this time was a success, we had Ronnie in 2008, and Peggy and Lloyd were just BRILLIANT with him, looked after him, played with him, just so so brilliant...

Both dogs have never been poorly, we have been so lucky really....

About a month ago Lloyd started coughing here and there, we didn't really take too much notice and carried on life, about 3 weeks ago he become very breathless all the time so we took him to the vets who said he had fluid on the lungs and pneumonia, he was given tablets and we was told to go back once the tablets had finished (2 weeks), we had a bit of joy thinking he would get better....on Saturday 28th April his condition started getting worse, he could hardly breath but was eating and drinking, so we thought maybe its the tablets, so we gave him lots of cuddles and affection...

On Sunday it was a different story, he was so so poorly, he didn't want us to cuddle him, kiss him, he looked frightened, we took him to the emergency vet who gave him a water injection to release some of the fluid around his lungs, we were told to take him home as his breathing was bad and he needed to take him home to be comfortable and to take him back to the surgery first thing...that night was awful, I was so scared and upset

Next morning we took him the vets who when examining said it didn't look good and they would run tests and we were to phone them midday, we went home, 20 minutes after getting home the vet called and said we must go back now as they were losing him (my heart is crumbling as I write this), we went back and poor Lloyd was on oxygen, his whole body was infected and there was absolutely nothing they could do for him, and he would be alive for a few hours, but we decided to have him put to rest there and then as we couldn't see him suffer, it was the MOST HEARTBREAKING THING EVER..I am so glad we was with him the whole time

The guilt and the hurt is unbearable, I dint sense him around me in spirit at all, I feel this is because he wasn't put to sleep at home and was somewhere strange, he hasn't come to me or given me a sign he is OK and that he still loves me, I'm hurting so much, we have his ashes at home with us and he sleeps next to us, I cant quite believe he is gone, snatched so quickly...

Peggy is so sad, I'm wondering how she is feeling, they have never been apart since they were born, over 10 years ago....now I'm thinking Lloyd hates me for all the times he was a little ratbag and I told him off.....that's all I can think about is when I told him off and how I wish I hadn't,

I just dont know how to cope, I miss him terribly

Jodie

[horseshoes]

^ ?????

[Pegoyd]

Some absolutely nasty heartless people around, please don't comment Charlotte77, you obviously have never loved or been loved by an animal, I wondered when a nasty heartless person would rear their ugly head!!!

Thank you the rest of you for your very kind words xxx

[horseshoes]

Despicable Peg. Here's another hug. x

[Tilly2]

Take no notice of people who say 'It's only a dog.' They have absolutely no idea of what it's like.
There are at least twenty four other people who know how you feel and wish you well.

[chaptazbru]

pegoyd I know what you are going through. I felt guilt when I lost a beloved dog eight years ago. I couldn 't cope with her illness and was petrified of losing her. I had to have her pts and quite frankly it nearly killed me. I watched her being buried in the garden and I've never known pain like it, I felt isolated in a little bubble with no-one at all knowing how I felt. I wanted to dig her up the next day. I too felt bad for the times when I shouted at her or lost my temper (sadly, we're all human) - what a waste when I could have spent that time holding her close and telling her how much I loved her. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me and my life with her was wonderful, the best. I'm telling you this to indicate that I know EXACTLY how you feel and yes, the pain does ease with time. They deserve to be mourned because they were loved. I worried who she would be with when she died and if she would miss me and my Mum said that she'd be with her 'real' Mum now and somehow that was a help, she wouldn't be alone at all. xx

[kawakiri]

Glad to see the thoughtless answer has been removed. I can't bear to think how I will be when my dogs take the trip to rainbow bridge. It took me ages to get over the last mini schnauzer (Addy) that left us as a seven year old due to massive organ failure to which I have no idea why it happened. We currently have two mini schnauzers (Kassi & Molly). They are 12 and 6, the 12 year old is coping well with cushings disease at the moment.
Anyway my thoughts are also with you.

[boxtops]

Thinking of you peg - one of my cats - many years ago - died very unexpectedly overnight at the vets, we never had a chance to say goodbye to him. He was around though - Lloyd's memory will be with you, you'll know it and he certainly won't have hated you for the selfless thing you have done for him. He would have found it so much harder to come home when he was in so much distress. Thinking of you all ♥

[Pegoyd]

Thank you all so much for your kind replies....7 weeks on and im still struggling with the loss, I miss him more and more every single day :( xxx

[horseshoes]

I'm not surprised by that Jodie. 15 years since I lost our Russell, and I still get weepy if I talk about him or if I see his photo. I vowed I would NEVER have another cat and yet I now have Soxy and I love her so much. She's NOT Russell, and will never replace him but she's different and has as much love as he did. One day perhaps...... (hugs) xxx

[Pegoyd]

I honestly dont think I will ever get over losing my baby boy, I cant get my head round that it will be 8 weeks Monday since I last saw my beautiful boy :( I still cry all the time and just miss him so much, he was my life xxx thank you for all your lovely kind words xx