Mother in law Widowed

[jibjab]

Are me and my girlfriend living with rose tinted specs on?? We have just had a picture of my gf's dad *(who recently passed away) blown up and framed for my mum inlaw for xmas....only to find out that she has been seeing someone (even though she has only been widowed 3 months). I am totally shocked, am I a naieve person? she has always been loud and common buti never thought sh could stoop this low. She is very strong headed and so's her son (who doesn't like me). They are both treating my gf like rubbish and she feels like she has no family left. To make matters worse, the guy she has been seeing is a homeless leech that has been slating me to my girlfriend. I feel so uncomfortable going over to her house these days as I liked her dad, but I can hardly say im not coming over anymore

Thoughts???

[Octavius]

Gosh, it must be difficult going out with a person who has such a low opinion of their partner's family. I don't understand why you would want to be particularly involved in the lives of these people. You should be concentrating on your relationship with your partner and support her where necessary, not lambasting the morals and etiquette of her relatives.

If your partner is feeling let down by her family, then perhaps it is time for her to move out and get on with her own life. And you should be able to support that. Remember that as well as this, and you harping on about her mother being loud and common and going out with a homeless leech she has recently lost her father, something you don't really seem to have taken on board, just your own feelings.

[joko]

she may have been seeing this man for years!

its very possible. also, depending on her age, she may feel she does not have many opportunities left and wants to seek solace an comfort while she can.

ok, 3 months does seem a bit quick, but love is love - you never know when it will appear and its too precious to let go just because of the opinions of people like you who judge.

was the dad ill for years? perhaps she 'said her goodbyes' to him years ago, perhaps she only stayed with him that long because of the illness.

obviously i don't know if these are the circumstances, but really how much do you know about their private lives?

if you don't want to see them, ask your girl to go out somewhere or go to your house instead. she nneds your support not your judgements.

and remember - i can say what i like about my family - they are my family and always will be - but anyone else says anything and there will be trouble - remember this before you start slating her family

[jedimistress]

You girlfriends mother's love life has nothing to do with anyone except her. Don't worry about it.

[Grunty]

And of course the Departed might have insisted (as some do) that she find someone else after he dies.

[twopennorth]

Hang on to that picture and get her a box of chocolates instead.

Three months is very quick to have an official new boyfriend. If the scenario was an old friend offering comfort that has turned to romance, this might be easier to take, but even so, it's quick. It is possible this has been going on for some time, but if you don't have proof, you can't really make accusations against her.

Either way what matters right now is your girlfriend. This could turn out badly - how does this make her feel about her mother? As she went along with the picture idea for Christmas, I think I could guess.

I've seen a situation like this before and it turned out badly. I think you are right to be unimpressed and to sense trouble.

You've had a bit of a hounding from some of the replies but I wonder how much of life some of them have seen. I think you are right to want to stay away from this situation as much as possible. Finding somewhere else to see your girlfriend most of the time is a good idea for both of you, I think she'll need a lot of support.

[Dark Angel]

Agree with twopennorth - jibjab has a right to feel wary of his girlfriends family. If this family have been slating him, then its natural that jibjab should feel like they should be avoided - haven't we all felt like this at some point in our lives?

Being a rather conservative person myself, I would wonder how this new widow can take up with someone so soon after her husband's death. But of course, I would say nothing, as its her business.

[funnywebsite]

Everybody has the right to look for new love and maybe she wasn't looking it depends on what fate brings. You cannot stop love it's what makes the world go round. If he is a homeless lech then maybe this is not the right partner for her but she will have to learn the hard way.