Funny hospital tales

[Caran]

Have you got one?
A few years ago I was in cubicles waiting for transfer to a ward when I heard a voice call out, "Nurse I need help, I am on the commode and I can't "go", when I am at home I have to put my finger up my bum and wiggle it about, but being on the commode I can't reach, will you do it for me please?"
I heard mutterings about job description acts.

[wendilla]

Your post just brought to mind when I was a Junior Nurse in training. First week on a ward. Another nurse and I had to walk an elderly gentleman and as be were walking him in the ward his pyjamas fell to his feet. Probably would not bat an eyelid now but was young and a bit naive then lol

[gness]

Well I suppose the Heinz Salad Cream was the best fit Kiki. Tomato Sauce bottles tend to be narrower. Will check with Tony.

[woofgang]

wendilla I have had that happen in he street when i was taking an elderly man on a home assessment. he didn't bat an eyelid and neither did I....the student nurse with me had a bit of a panic though.

[Kiki-frog]

gness, 57 varieties, I believe. The mind boggles (and the eyes water in the case of Heinz Chilli Ketchup).

[gness]

Eye-watering, yes but Tony might find it soothing after the past few weeks.

[Sqad]

Patient was placed on the operating table for a hernia operation and when the surgeon started to paint up, it was obvious that he had a full bladder.

"Sister" the surgeon retorted angrily "get a bottle quickly"

The sister turned to the most junior nurse and said get Mr... a bottle.

Junior nurse returned and stood in front of the surgeon, bottle in hand........"Well" shouted the surgeon impatiently" you know what to do with it"

With that the little nurse lifted the surgeon's gown and tried to put the bottle underneath.

"Get that wench out of my theatre" was the startled cry, as the surgeon had to re scrub.

[RATTER15]

A couple of years ago I remember walking up to the hospital entrance behind an elderly lady with her Son. I heard the lady say "why are we at the hospital again", the son replied "to see if they can find out why you keep forgetting things" the lady replied, "do I keep forgetting things?" Classic!

[RATTER15]

I had an op to remove a lymph node from my neck a few years ago, I was a little groggy after the "day case" op, I was being guided across the car park by my "wife at the time" when she said "what have you got stuffed in your pockets?" I had no idea, she propped me against a nearby car and removed about 150 condoms from every single pocket. it appears that on the way out of the hospital I used the loo where they had samples or free condoms, ive no idea. My wife was already sterilised and id had a vasectomy.

[gness]

So even when he`s groggy Ratter lives in hope. Like that in a man. :-)

[firewatch]

Talking of willies, my mam when a nurse dealt with a man who had a SPANNER stuck on his willy! Jesus, they had to call the fire brigade. worse one she dealt with and left her the most traumatised, they had a biker come in (mid 70s) with a helmet on, left it on as he had some suspected head trauma but was wide awake joking and laughing. They wheeled him off to xray, removed the helmet and he died almost instaniously from some form of bleed on the brain.