Exhausted - the delights of old people and lack of maintenance.

[DTCwordfan]

4 hours to tackle an old bedroom full of years of my mother's clothing - my sister and I - sis saying there is thousands of pounds at replacement cost and even pieces from her youth fetching now £50 - 100.

The problem, her immersion heater went and we had it replaced - also meaning an assault on her appalling kitchen - seriously you do not want to know. Then we discovered the cold water feed was in a lead pipe......and she has Alzheimers; I wonder - and certainly likely to be a contributory cause - why the old man never had it replaced when they moved in over 30 years ago who knows - it must have been in the house survey.

So we had to clear the cupboard and the way to the cupboard in the bedroom - like working in a Calcutta hole; there is also a water leak and we discovered it was a radiator and joint shot through.......the water draining to the kitchen cupboard downstairs where the immersion is.......all wonderfully manky and gross.

Following that, the assault on her kitchen china continued - and we discovered a plastic tray "cooking" in the top oven of her Aga.......now that's nice.

[DTCwordfan]

Fortunately, it is the cold one, the hot are copper......it goes on Friday.

Trouble is the house is like a furniture depot with her stuff, her parents and a holiday apt she had in St Ives - and she won't sell a thing. Very nearby, Lady J - I did shower here as I cut her 2 acres or so of grass this morning.

[DTCwordfan]

Lady J - the risk of her being deemed as unfit to look after herself by a doctor/the mental health nurse/etc and moved into a home. They can serve if they think she is danger.....the house certainly wouldn't have passed muster and probably is still very marginal; it's just a very long slog to get her straight. I now have taken over as carer, my eldest sister also as back-up, the other two younger girls being with their families and working as a teacher and a finance admin mgr out of the UK for a major bank. They could appear more often!

[lady-janine]

can't think of anything further to say just wish you and your sis all the best with what you have got to do.

[DTCwordfan]

We do have enduring Power of Attorney (done 8 years ago, second stage activation 3 months ago) and exercised it for the first time last week.....I would counsel all of us to ensure that you define that (the first stage) when you do your wills as the process is relatively easy to do in nominating who has it. However, let it go beyond the level of mental competence, you have a pretty sticky legal issue if you have to apply retrospectively,

[wolf63]

My dad used to laugh when my brother and I mentioned moving him to a smaller house or getting rid of some of his vast collection of useless things.

Once he died we understood why he laughed. It is seemingly true that leaking batteries become useful again after storing for 20 years.

:-)

[tonyav]

Sounds like your in for a few tough times DT, you have my sympathy.

[pusskin]

I do sympathise with you DT.
When clearing out my mums house after her and dad died, it was a right choker i can tell you. be carefull of stored money --we salvaged £1000 hidden away in all sorts of crooks and crannies, over a period of a couple of weeks. (1996)

[DTCwordfan]

I am keeping a diary as to writing a book to (i) outline some of the practical advice (ii) general knowledge - as there seems to be a lot lacking in understanding it (dementia) when one sets off down the path - despite the Alzheimer's site etc - and (iii) to write about some of the humour involved.

In summary, an awful lot of patience and keeping oneself one step ahead is needed......and also to get regular breaks; I hadn't realised how much until I went up to Oxfordshire - these friends had me house-sit their house while they were away but they knew the costs of Alzheimers on the carers as my mate's old man went of it.

[DTCwordfan]

we're ready for that pusskin, I found £400 folded up in a key tray not so long ago.....and she's forever losing her purses - the problem compounded by all the junk here!

[pusskin]

oh crikey DT typed without thinking first. We found £10,000 in all different crooks and crannies. When divided we all got £1000 each.
Was sad but funny at times to think that she scrimpted and saved without us all knowing, bless her .

[DTCwordfan]

wow....this mate of mine had issues as they were finding divvi checks long after probate had been established - we are aware that everything will need close inspection as to pockets, boxes etc etc.

[dotty.]

when we cleared my grandmothers house in 1977 we found a small fortune in the airing cupboard between all the cotton sheets.

[lady-janine]

when my sil was in hospital a couple of years ago we tried to tidy her cottage up a bit and found she had not thrown anything away. every piece of paper that had come into that house was still there, from pre-war years. but everything had to be gone through as money was tucked between junk mail, pages of radio times, books, old envelopes, you name it. and the clothes were another nightmare. we spent weeks on the problem and now she has been home for 18 months and the place looks as it did before. i hate it.

you really do have my full sympathy. not just DT and his sis but any of you facing that problem.

[pusskin]

lol Inbetween sheets, pillowcases in a drawer, in very unexpected places, too many to mention. The first find was looking for something quick in the top of mums wardrobe. Found a few hundred £ wrapped in an empty cushion cover. Good luck DT, I do feel for you x

[petal54]

my big sis & I have been attempting to get our parents to move,15/20 years,all too much effort for them,Dad now in care home(living with M a great strain)as he'd had major op,mum still got him doing stuff( @88),M now lives in 5 bed house that's iffy roof etc,parents!!!!

[DTCwordfan]

I have sympathy for all of you too in similar positions.............

[Caran]

My greataunt had money hidden all over the house, she had it wrapped in newspaper parcels, we found over 2 dozen parcels containing hundreds of pounds. She got very confused towards the end of her life, accused the neighbours of running a sewing machine factory in their cellar and connecting it up to her electric meter, she complained to the authorities over and over. She also accused them of coming into her house aand stealing her soap.