The "Cheer up Barmaid et al" thread

[Barmaid]

I am seriously ******d off after a bit of financial news today that has really p**d me off.

I need a laugh.

This thread is also dedicated to those who have had a similarly *** day and require some light relief.

I shall provide the Pinot..........

Funnies, please.......

[gness]

Serves you right....PINK handcuffs man!!! Mine are purple and I`m still saying nothing.

[Barmaid]

pmsl at some of your comments. How can someone shave like Ummmm's son did? Sunny dave, funny. There are others that made me laugh. Thank you. Thank you all.

Sorry I've been absent, I've been listening to my mate. His daughter has been the subject of racial abuse at her school that has made me madder, so keep going!

[DTCwordfan]

A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. As he tried it on, he reached down to put his hands in the pockets but to his surprise found none.
He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "You're a banker, right?" The young man answered, "Yes, I am."

"Well, whoever heard of a banker put his hand in his own pocket?"

[Traci66]

We had our male cat neutered many years ago, daughter asked where his wotsits had gone and why, then looked at OH rather strangely and said, "You can't have anymore kids can you?"

[DTCwordfan]

A man visits his Lloyds bank manager and says, "How do I start a small business?" The manager replies, "Start a large one and wait six months."

[Barmaid]

lol dt. btw, you wrote a poem on one of my threads the other day which really was very very good and made me laugh. I forgot to thank you (apologies). So accept my belated apologies and thanks, you have a clear talent.

I've just read the rest of the thread again, Hopkirk's posts made me laugh as well. i've now drank too much PInot to care.

I want to give you ALL best answer! But hey, given the amount of Pinot consumed, not sure I could get that right!

[EcclesCake]

A few years ago I took a winter break in the sun. On my return I went to meet with a rather important client, he commented on my tan and asked if I'd been skiing. 'Oh, no it's an all over tan', I replied.

There was a lot of sniggering and spluttering as I tried to explain myself/dig myself in deeper.

[DTCwordfan]

Can't remember which one that was, Barmaid! I have just adapted Gilbert and Sullivan's "Ruler of the Queen's Navy" with seadogg at the centre of it (over on Mrs O's Answerbank thread (pg 5 I think)

[Barmaid]

I have resorted to sitting in the corner with underpants on my head, two pencils up my nose and saying "Wibble". Works for me and **** em all.

[humbersloop]

bm, now you've got me pmsl!

enjoy the pinot, tomorrow's another day and you're still over the ground not under it xx

[Hopkirk]

Barmaid

http://www.bbc.co.uk/...ages/four_goodbye.jpg

[weecalf]

Mate of mine was in town .Found a nice paking spot close to shop he wanted to go to .Parked up ,switched off engine .Next thing rap at passengers widow .turns down window standing there is a traffic warden ."Sorry Sir gonna have to ask you to move off " Why ? "Cause you are on my blooming foot thats why "

[DTCwordfan]

Close mate of my mate growing up, down your way BM, Rochester exactly.

Well he came out of the pub blitzed and got into his white Ford Taurus and drove home. Puts the car in the garage and goes to bed.

2.30am - awakes to the banging on the door. Puts a robe on and goes down stairs and there are the local Rochester rozzers.

"What have you done with our car, sir?"

"What the hell are you talking about? I came home in mine."

"You have taken our car, Sir."

"Taken a police car, you are off your rockers. I came home in my Ford Taurus."

"Could we have a look in your garage, Sir?"

Imagine his face when he sees a vehicle from the Kent County Constabulary standing there........

They couldn't do him for drinking and driving as it had been far too long - and there was no follow-up as the policemen would have had some explaining to why they had left the car open and the key in it.......But driving a car home with all the extra police kit in it and not noticing - serious arseholed, I would say.

[Canary42]

//// ummmm: "My 16 year old son has shaved his arm pits because he thought it would stop him sweating.////

Well, that's what he told you :-)

[jno]

should help stop him smelling, though.

[parkie]

Did you know we're descended from monkeys?
Who, who, who said that?

[boxtops]

Who's Al...? <<ppffft>>

[mike11111]

16 year old boys do strange things but it is all part of the learning process. When I was 16 and obsessed with personal hygiene I thought it would be a good idea to daub my nether regions with aftershave.

[ummmm]

Lol....

He is a bit obsessed. I bet he grows out of it!!!

[Hopkirk]

Here you go Mike, try this next time.

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