gay friend

[poison]

i have a gay friend who i love dearly, my problem is that i am not sure he his completely gay. (i am female) he constantly tells me he loves me and hints that there might be a chance of moving our relationship on. i am very confused. how do i tell whether he is gay, bisexual or straight?

[Vics]

Ask him. That's the only way you'll get a straight answer ! ! (seriously pun aside - it is). Good Luck.

[NiceCupOfTea]

Has he actually told you that he is gay? My gay mates are all massive flirts and winder upers and I suppose it would be easy for someone outside of our friendships to wonder. So it's possible that you're just not understanding the flirty side of him? Please tell me I'm not being patronising, I know how confusing sexuality can be.

[andy hughes]

A lot of women are comfortable flirting outrageously with gay men, because they know they are 'safe'. Likewise, gay men are comfortable with women, who are usually easier to talk to, empathise with, and generally more in touch with themselves, and each other, than straight men.

Is your friend in a relationship? Why not bring up the subject, and steer it round to whether he has ever had feelings for any women, any relationships, is he planning on one - you'll soon find out what you need to know.

[CheekyChops]

Sorry - if he says he is gay, you have to take it. I get the impression that you fancy him and you would like the relationship to be taken further than friendship. Believe me - IT WON'T HAPPEN. Many gay men are very tactile and loving towards their female friends, and the female friends often take it the wrong way.

Have you ever had any other sign that he might not be 'completely gay'? Surely you wouldn't be asking if he was gay, bisexual or straight if he was strictly a 'ladies man', you would be questioning whether he was gay or bisexual. So I think you can rule 'straight' out of the equation. Have you known him to have relationships with men and women? Or are you just thinking that he may be bisexual because he appears to like you?

At the end of the day, ask him. You may be wasting your time waiting around for a man who is never going to be into women, whether it be you or someone else. At least you will know where you stand and be able to move on.

I apologise if this sounds harsh, I don't mean to. I have been in exactly the same position with my (ex) best mate. And no, he's not 'ex' because he is gay, a lot of other factors came into it. He lead me on - or did he? - now I look back, it was clear from the begining he was 100% gay. Even if he does love you and starts a relationship with you, won't you always be worried that he is secrectly longing for other men?