The Olympics 2016! What are you training for?

[nellypope]

When it comes to achievements in life, I've not done too badly. I once got an 8 letter word on Countdown (EPIDURAL) and I did rather spectacularly dent David Coulthard's car, illustrating quite beautifully just how bad a woman's driving can be when parking in a Little Chef car park with a Costa Coffee between her knees (not sure the latter should be in this list, anyway). 

Following the success of Olympic gold for Stanning & Glover (one of whom has only been rowing for four years) I feel inspired to aim high and train for Rio. But I need to evaluate my situation carefully, I think it would be wise to go for an event where skill is more important than fitness. Not that my fitness levels are too bad for a 38 year old, I can move pretty quick when I need to, my time trial times are rather competitive when I need to make tea, grab a rusk, baby wipes and the sky remote in a Jeremy Kyle ad break. And my lap times have greatly improved on the health centre to pharmacy run now I have invested in superior kit (a double stroller). My husband suggested gymnastics and went into great detail regarding dismounts and floor shows, it was then that I realised he was getting the BBC Olympic coverage and Babestation confused. Then I thought Judo! But I found myself watching the women's finals and shouting "go on girl bite her" and "fart on 'er head" whenever they were engaged in a tousle. But while I'm deciding which Olympic event to train for, I said "hang on Nelly . . . . there's more to life than sports" so I'm adding to my list with a life goal each year. So while I wait to win gold in Rio I'm going to . . . 

2013 - Write a concept album. I'm thinking something along the same lines as Pink Floyd (Dark side of the moon). If I find the lyrics a bit of a struggle (after all I'm doing this on my own) I may aim for something  more Tubular Bells(ish). Providing it can be written on my daughters casio (it's only got one octave and F# doesn't work, but I never liked that key anyway).

2014 - Eurovision. Depending on how the concept album works out. It could be that the material and creative juices just dont "flow" as well as expected or perhaps the concept album is getting plenty of air time, either way I only need one track for Eurovision. Obviously I doubt I will actually perform in Sweden as someone needs to be at home to put the kids to bed.

2015 - Get a celebrity to follow me on Twitter. This may sound ridiculous (because after all once you've written a platinum concept album, with a quadrophonic version availble, I should imagine I will be lunching with Gary Barlow and Will.i.am on weekly basis at least) but let's say for arguments sake my music career has a more 'unground feel' to it I would like to get a number of idiotic celebs to read my rubbish and perhaps I can achieve Twitter fame. I will also need a rather quiet year after my previous two busy ones and with the build up to Rio, and intense training schedule etc.

2016 - RIO! Finally my Olympic gold is in my sights. But which event? I need something skill based, (perhaps not archery as I'm fond of a glass of Pinot in the evening and trying to aim perfectly still the next morning is like trying to ask a crapping dog not to shake). And obviously age is against me? Also something that I can fit the training in around the family. Crèche facilities etc. Any ideas?

[craft1948]

Nelly you are my hero.............I'm so pleased it's not just me with the "go on girl bite her" and "fart on 'er head"

[gness]

Nellie. Have you considered man-maiming? As you have a husband training can be done at home so family life can continue with little disruption unless of course he leaves you and runs off with the girl from the pea canning factory as my first one did.

Equipment can be found around the house. A heavy suitcase.....bricks will do.....but it must have wheels and supports to connect with the male nether regions when swung with gusto.

Cheese balls. These do less damage but disperse like shot with a point gained for each ball to ball connection.

An alarm clock. Place in a black suitcase with alarm set. Hide in a pile of other black suitcases and retire to another room..in my case another train carriage. When the alarm rings see how quickly you can find your beeping black suitcase while your husband shouts obscenities and threatens to ring a bell and throw you out of the house....in my case stop the train throw me off for causing a bomb scare.

Just a few to be thinking about but I find once you start it becomes, like most sports, very addictive.

[Hopkirk]

Gness, you are a cruel, cruel woman.

[boxtops]

Bliss - Answerbank at its best, praise be to Ab Editor !

Talking of which, we should be working on the Gnome Relay - what else?!

[gness]

Hopkirk. I didn`t mention naked man in a pinny. x