So, why can't I stop crying?

[kat2206]

I was with my ex for 6years, during the last year we were together he had an affair whilst I was arranging our wedding. I found out in September and left him.

He has moved on now with HER and, I too, have now found a new man and things are going very well, he treats me with so much love, respect etc..

However, THE wedding date is looming, next Saturday, and whilst I do not love my ex anymore it still hurts knowing that we would be getting married in a weeks time if he hadn't been unfaithful, so why am I so upset, hurt all over again, I cry at the drop of a hat.

It just feels like the time when I found out about the affair, so hurt but I don't understand why I am feeling this way as I am so much happier now than I was during that awful time.

[kat2206]

China doll and Sqad, you make me sound if I "blub" constantly. Maybe I should have rephrased the OP better, I cry when I think about the wedding date looming, which is not constant. I certainly do not blub infront of my new partner, however, we are both mature, intelligent adults and discuss our thoughts and feelings with each other as a couple should. I hold a full time career an also help my partner with his business, it's not as if I'm sitting here, tissue in hand, beating my chest and wailing. Yes, I've felt hurt with regards to the betrayal, who wouldn't, especially as he still parades her around the village in which we live in which is more distasteful rather than upsetting.

I am more than over him, I don't love him and I certainly don't want him back.

[Sqad]

boxy.....the posts go back to Sept of last year when kat's problem first started, so we are dealing with a long standing problem which in my opinion is based on the fact that she still fancies him.

I agree.....I also agree with CD's last paragraph of her last post.

[kat2206]

Lol Sqad... "she still fancies him" I'm 44 not 16.. And no I don't still fancy him and in one respect I am partly to blame for his affair as we hadn't had an intimate relationship for some time, so, to your observations/opinions I do not "fancy" him, at all. I know you are going to say now, if you weren't intimate then why arrange a wedding.... And, to be honest, it's because I believed I stil loved him to arrange that... We had had a lot of issues going on, maybe, naively thought that being married would mean being closer... But, with hand on heart I can't answer that, if you ask.

I am trying to hold a mature and intelligent "thread" on here, I certainly didn't expect people to throw stones...

[NoMercy]

Kat, maybe this is a delayed reaction or a final outpouring of grief.

Forget your past relationship and concentrate on your present one...if you truly love him.

Most importantly...focus on YOU and what it will take to make YOU happy! xx

[kat2206]

Thanks No Mercy, that means a lot x.

[Sqad]

kat....well you have kicked most if not all of the "practical" and "usual" reasons for "crying " after a break up some 10 months previous, so that only leaves us with the medical reasons.

A case of Reactive Depression. I am just as bad at Psychiatric solutions as i seem to be with "counseling", so apart from saying seek Psychiatric help, I will retire from the thread after being no help or use at all.

[NoMercy]

Kat, click on my avatar and search my posts...you are not alone, kiddo. X

xx

[China Doll]

I didn't regard my post as 'throwing stones', it was just my take on your situation given the information you've made available. I could understand why you'd be upset about an impending marriage date if you were not in a relationship yourself, still dealing with the issues or just beating yourself up about the end of a relationship, we all do that. But I don't understand why you would be upset if you're truly happy with another partner, looking to the future and embracing everything that's wonderful about being in a relationship. So to me it seems there are unresolved issues from the previous relationship, and I wonder if you gave yourself long enough to get over this before going in to a new relationship. As I said, six years with someone is a long time.

I actually considered my answer, and indeed this one, in a mature fashion. It's absolutely fine to dislike or disagree with what I've said. But I do think it's a bit harsh to say I or anyone else is 'thowing stones' as that sounds like I'm just being mean for the sake of it which is just simply not something I'd do.

[cathfromsaron]

i would *expect* to cry and have a mind full of 'what ifs' etc this week!

remember it is his loss!

you will have the chance to have 'the day' with someone who respects the future!

(((hugs)))

cath x

[pizza]

Sorry kat but you asked a question on here and you got the answers you knew.
He moved on and is with HER, you are very bitter, and very lost as well and if you keep crying and looking back your new guy will eventually stop being as understanding and will get totally fed up with you, as to him you can't leave the past behind.(and who could blame him !)
YOUR EX HAS HIS WEDDING THIS SATURDAY LET HIM MOVE ON AND YOU DO THE SAME X

[jan01]

it does sound like you still have very strong feelings for your ex.... you moved on very quickly to your new man Kat, rebound? .... were the six years with your ex happy? ..