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Sqad – A Medic’s CV
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Born : Albert Scroggins – Penistone 1931
(Mother named as Doris Scroggins, a bicycle repair mechanic and part-time Homeopath, father believed to be an itinerant French Onion Salesman whose bike Doris was repairing)
Education : Details of Bert’s education are sketchy – but his school must have been a good one, because it was ‘approved’.
Married #1 – June 1948 – Fifi Trixibelle La Rue – Famous as the Tattooed Lady of Clacton Pier and winner of “Miss Pint Drinker 1947” (Cleethorpes)
Divorced June 1950 – “Incompatible Tattoos”
Name Change by Deed Poll – July 1950 – “Severus Ignatius Sqad”
Further Education : St Hilda’s College Oxford 1951-1955 – Severus was the first male undergraduate to be admitted to St Hilda’s – such was his legacy that it was 2008 before the College risked further male admissions.
Qualified as Proctological Surgeon 1957 – St Eunuch’s College, Scrotum, Nevada
Married #2 – August 1959 – Jocasta Rigby-Peller – Deb of the Year 1958 (Hartlepool Division)
Divorced 1983 – “Intellectual Cruelty” – the Judge refused to accept that “Why the Long Face, Shergar” was an appropriate morning greeting from a man to his wife.
Married #3 – 1985 - Evangeline Honoria Overall – world famous author and supermodel (qv)
Divorced 1996 – “Incompatible Lingerie”
NHS practice – Cleethorpes General – Proctology
Private Practice – Cosmetic Surgeon, Harley Street, Scunthorpe – Owner of "Your Boobs are My Business" – later re-launched as “Your Breasts are Safe in My Hands”
Retired 2001 : Severus married the fourth Mrs Sqad (a shadowy, but cultured, figure of whom little is known) and moved to the South Pacific Island of na’RumpiPumpi.
He is now a familiar figure as he marches from his villa to his club, in his customary attire of Cravat, Hawaiian Shorts, White Knee Socks and Birkenstocks.
He is often followed by a group of simple, native children who he has taught to chant in English “No Big Deal, Take Three Ibuprofen, Monitor the Situation”
(Mother named as Doris Scroggins, a bicycle repair mechanic and part-time Homeopath, father believed to be an itinerant French Onion Salesman whose bike Doris was repairing)
Education : Details of Bert’s education are sketchy – but his school must have been a good one, because it was ‘approved’.
Married #1 – June 1948 – Fifi Trixibelle La Rue – Famous as the Tattooed Lady of Clacton Pier and winner of “Miss Pint Drinker 1947” (Cleethorpes)
Divorced June 1950 – “Incompatible Tattoos”
Name Change by Deed Poll – July 1950 – “Severus Ignatius Sqad”
Further Education : St Hilda’s College Oxford 1951-1955 – Severus was the first male undergraduate to be admitted to St Hilda’s – such was his legacy that it was 2008 before the College risked further male admissions.
Qualified as Proctological Surgeon 1957 – St Eunuch’s College, Scrotum, Nevada
Married #2 – August 1959 – Jocasta Rigby-Peller – Deb of the Year 1958 (Hartlepool Division)
Divorced 1983 – “Intellectual Cruelty” – the Judge refused to accept that “Why the Long Face, Shergar” was an appropriate morning greeting from a man to his wife.
Married #3 – 1985 - Evangeline Honoria Overall – world famous author and supermodel (qv)
Divorced 1996 – “Incompatible Lingerie”
NHS practice – Cleethorpes General – Proctology
Private Practice – Cosmetic Surgeon, Harley Street, Scunthorpe – Owner of "Your Boobs are My Business" – later re-launched as “Your Breasts are Safe in My Hands”
Retired 2001 : Severus married the fourth Mrs Sqad (a shadowy, but cultured, figure of whom little is known) and moved to the South Pacific Island of na’RumpiPumpi.
He is now a familiar figure as he marches from his villa to his club, in his customary attire of Cravat, Hawaiian Shorts, White Knee Socks and Birkenstocks.
He is often followed by a group of simple, native children who he has taught to chant in English “No Big Deal, Take Three Ibuprofen, Monitor the Situation”
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