Who has the right to decide what happens with someones ashes?

[up4it]

A bit of background .... My girlfriend's daughter died from a tragic accident aged 2 and the funeral has been and gone for which my girlfriends ex (i.e. the dad) paid nothing (or virtually nothing) and my girlfriend paid for all the funeral thanks to donations from friends and family etc.

Now they are arguing over where the ashes will be buried/scattered.

My girlfriend wants the ashes buried with her mothers ashes (who died last year) and the 'Dad' wants them buried somewhere else. They have just had a big argument over it which ended with him storming out threatening to get a solicitor involved and now my girlfriend is distraught

My question is :-
Who owns the ashes and who has the right to decide where they are buried if the parents cant agree on what to do?

Also what rights does he have or what advice will he get from a solicitor so we can judge what he may plan to do to make things difficult for my girlfriend?

[black bunny]

I don't know who legally owns the ashes(if indeed anyone can "own" them) but if it helps I can tell you what happened with my mother's ashes. The funeral director kept the ashes until we (my father and I) had talked about what we wanted to do with them - they said they'd contact us in a few months if we didn't collect them. Eventually we decided to have them buried in the garden of remembance at the crematorium, so collected the ashes and got it arranged.
I can only tell you what I would do if I was in your partner's position - If the ashes are still at the funeral directors, I would collect them and put them where I wanted them to be - I would not tell the "dad". There is nothing he could do about it legally, all he could do is shout about it, so be prepared for that.

Let us know how things turn out, I would be interested to know. I hope the ashes can be laid with your partner's mum.

[saxy_jag]

I rather suspect, if the child's mother was the official next of kin and it was she who arranged and paid for the cremation, then it is she who has the right to decide what is to happen to the ashes.

Has she consulted the funeral director about this. They can sometimes advise, or at least put you in touch with someone who can.

[pips1]

I really don't think he has any right to be so difficult, he obviously didn't care enough to help pay for her funeral, so what does that tell you? Even if he had no money, he could have got some help like the mother did. It seems to me that he was not a big part of her life by the sound of it. All too easy to shout the odds to the poor mum after the event - typical!!

[bednobs]

i dont think either of them has the "right" to say what happens - they will have to come to an agreement. it dosent matter (in my eyes) who paid for the funeral, as it sounds like your g/f didnt pay any more than the dad did, if it was all from friends (i was always underthe impression that funeral directors did childrens funerals for free??)
perhaps there is a third way? somewhere they both agree on, or split the ashes?

[terambulan]

The funeral director gives the ashes to the next of kin, whom only has the right to give funeral directions, with receipt of the Death Certificate.

In this case its the mother, she will have the ashes to do with as she pleases.

[LastJourney]

Your girlfriend has my greatest sympathy and I only hope that she managed to come to an amicable agreement with her ex.
Whilst your girlfriend tragically lost her daughter who was too young to make her own decision, I have heard other distressing tales of family disputes over where to scatter a relation's ashes; perhaps that tells us that if we do wish to be cremated, that we make it clear in our Will what we want done with our ashes.
I hope that your girlfriend is now able able to cherish the memory of her daughter rather than dwell upon the unpleasant dispute with her ex.
Regards,
Phil from Last Journey Memorial Events www.ScatteringAshes-Spain.com