News0 min ago
jacques_as_in_hattie
The humour of https://twitter.com/jacques_aih :-
When I was arrested, the police kept me on edge by serving tea of varying standards. It was a good cup, bad cup routine.
I made my wife bubble and squeak last night. It's all in the foreplay.
"You can tell by the way I use my orc, I'm a Saruman, no time to talk”. That’s known as Jive Tolkien.
I’m making Heston Blumenthal’s pancake mix. I have added the dodo egg and unicorn tears, now I just have to launch it into orbit for 2 hours.
A mate of mine slept with Little Jimmy Krankie once. It was a schoolboy error.
“And what’s the lady having?” asked the waiter, as my wife was in the toilet. “I don’t know” I replied “probably a wee”.
I came home last night to find Steve Cram naked in my bed. I suspect my wife had done a runner.
I’ve just left the dentist with a sore and bleeding mouth. He had it coming, frankly.
“F.A. moves to ban terrace songs aimed at overweight players”. Fat chants.
“So, David Beckham, what do you say about these ridiculous transfer rumours?” “They’re not ridiculous transfers – they’re tattoos”
I know what would be truly funny. Watching Frankie Boyle try and swim with no arms.
When I was arrested, the police kept me on edge by serving tea of varying standards. It was a good cup, bad cup routine.
I made my wife bubble and squeak last night. It's all in the foreplay.
"You can tell by the way I use my orc, I'm a Saruman, no time to talk”. That’s known as Jive Tolkien.
I’m making Heston Blumenthal’s pancake mix. I have added the dodo egg and unicorn tears, now I just have to launch it into orbit for 2 hours.
A mate of mine slept with Little Jimmy Krankie once. It was a schoolboy error.
“And what’s the lady having?” asked the waiter, as my wife was in the toilet. “I don’t know” I replied “probably a wee”.
I came home last night to find Steve Cram naked in my bed. I suspect my wife had done a runner.
I’ve just left the dentist with a sore and bleeding mouth. He had it coming, frankly.
“F.A. moves to ban terrace songs aimed at overweight players”. Fat chants.
“So, David Beckham, what do you say about these ridiculous transfer rumours?” “They’re not ridiculous transfers – they’re tattoos”
I know what would be truly funny. Watching Frankie Boyle try and swim with no arms.
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