addiction self help?

[phae]

My brother is addicted to just about everything... mainly gambling. His life is totally ruined after 20 years of depression and self-destructive behaviour. We have tried everything with dotors and psychatrists, but its totally hopeless. He just gets told he's depressed and given a few valium!

He agrees that he has addiction problems... does anyone know of a self-help book I could buy him that could help him understand how to control himself.

He's pretty intelligent so could handle quite an in-depth research of the problem. He will no longer go to doctors or even accept there is anything wrong with him, yet he doesnt clean himself, sits in internet cafe all day playing poker games. If he has any money he will bet it on a horse, even if that means he doesnt eat for a week. To give you an idea, I invited him to stay with me for a week to see my young kids. He sat on the puter playing poker for 78hours straight, only moving twice to have a cigerette!

Can he help himself?

[woofgang]

bit puzzled in that you say that he won't admit that there is anything wrong, but in the previous para, you say that he agrees that he has adiction problems. So which is it?

Anyway if he does want to change then here is an organisation that might help

http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/

[woofgang]

phae, with respect are you having a difficult patch at the moment or is there some other reason why you have posted both here and in parenting?

[phae]

My brother has a varied and complicated set of problems which I would have no room to post on this site. Official roots of doctors and psychiatrists have failed him. He has several addictions including pulling his hair strand by strand and eating it. Drugs, if he had the money to buy them. I could fill up this entire site with his strange behaviour.

After I point out that sitting at a computer for 78 hours straight is not 'normal', he does agree that the poker is 'a bit addictive'. But, in his own words, 'what else is there to do'?

He will never go to gamblers annon, or any other authority type. He has done this and got nowhere because he is very difficult to deal with. Which is why I asked if there are any SELF-HELP BOOKS so he could look at them in his own time and decide if he feels his addictions could or should be tackled.

With regards to me having a rough patch woofgang.... I have a sickly child so i posted a question in parenting... and a brother staying with me for a week who has serious addiction problems. I dont see your point.

[stanleyman]

Addicts often need to reach rock bottom before they realise and start to help themselves, until then help just prolongs it.

[phae]

I thought this too.

He is homeless, living in a hostel after several months on the street because he lost his job due to addiction, rarely eats, has one set of clothes to his name. This has been the pattern of his life since he was 15. His entire family cut him off long ago, and I have had to keep him at a distance myself. I once tried to have him sectioned to no avail. He has tried to commit suicide more times than I can remember.

Whilst I agree with you, I dont think there is any 'low' he can possibly get to. What I'm concerned about is how seriously he takes this internet poker playing. You would think he was making world changing decisions!! He has an incredible temper, and saying anything trivial about it, like 'its just a game', infuriates him!

I will be dropping him back off shortly, but i can't help but be utterly saddened by his total waste of life.

I could not possibly address all of his problems. But I wanted to get him a book to see if he can see that these are 'just games', and not important.

[woofgang]

sorry, its just we only know you by your posts and there are people who get pleasure out of inventing such things...not you I am sure. That website that I pointed you to does sell books which is why I posted the link

[woofgang]

and here's the UK link

http://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/litgroup.htm#Top

[Reenie29]

You might want to try a book called Mind Over Mood (link below, although I'm not sure this will work) which uses Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and asks readers to work through a series of worksheets and excercises. I'm not sure if there is anything that applies to addiction as such but it is often recommended by medical practitioners and is certainly worth looking at (I think most online book sellers will hold it)

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0898621283/qid%3D1134058153/026-7606342-4738845

[david small]

Some people are self-destructive. Help them at your peril, you will achieve nothing but pain and frustration. Hard I know but back away.

[Buttercup]

There really is nothing you can do to; he has to ask for help himself and really mean it. It may help you to go to an Al-Anon meeting which is for friends and family of addicts (primarily alcoholics but all addictions are the same to live with in essence).

For the record 12 step programmes like Gamblers Anonymous are not authoritarian at all, which is why they work as addicts as a rule don't really deal well with authority!

I wish you the best of luck, but please don't feel like there is anything you can do. I am speaking from experience - there was absolutely anything anyone could have said or done to make me seek help and go into recovery until I was really ready.

[helster]

it certainly sounds as tho he is depressed. he feels that life isn't worth bothering with and he's hiding in computer games. i know someoen who is exactly the same way.

i think he can help himself. he just needs to accept that they're a problem and that only he can sort it out.

he's very lucky to have such a suportive and loving sister.

hx